The Scariest Thing of All …

By Ranica (

Summary: Lois and Clark hand out candy on Halloween night. But as Clark discovers, Lois can cook up surprises scarier than any goblin or Mighty Morphin' Power Ranger.

Boo! Happy Halloween everyone! Enjoy the following vignette. It's not the best I've ever done, but blame that on the million other things I've had to do. Enjoy!


"You're still coming over tonight, aren't you?"

"Yes, Clark. Now, you did remember to buy enough candy for the kids, didn't you?"

He tilted his head to one side and gave her a knowing glance. "Now, Lois. You know that we won't have a problem with running out of candy. Not with," he lowered his voice just a notch, "you-know-who around."

"I just want to be absolutely sure. I don't want anything to go wrong for the kids tonight." She pushed her chair towards him. "I just want tonight to be a nice, quiet, and relaxing evening."

"You know that I can't promise a completely quiet evening. You-know-who has a civic duty to protect all of Metropolis, especially with all those kids out trick-or-treating tonight."

"I know. But who knows? Maybe it'll be a frightfully quiet night in Metropolis this Halloween."

"Don't count on it. From my past experiences of Halloween in Metropolis, the spookiest things happen tonight." He flashed her a smile. "Woo."

"Oh come on, Clark! The only scary and spooky thing in Metropolis tonight is Perry's vampire outfit." They both turned to their boss' office where he was waving around a photo at Jimmy in his Dracula costume. "I can't believe he's still wearing those cheesy fangs!" She turned to face her partner, but he wasn't there. "Clark?"

"BOO!" Clark's face suddenly appeared over her shoulder. It broke into a wide grin when she jumped from the sudden movement.

"Real funny, Clark. Really funny." She tried to hide it, but she couldn't help her face from turning slightly pink with embarrassment.

Clark just laughed and turned back to his desk and his work.


Clark's super hearing picked up on Lois' footsteps coming up his apartment steps long before she could knock. He was able to rearrange the bowl of candy and place it on the coffee table before rushing to the door. He opened it and helped her with the two grocery bags she was juggling in her hands.

"What on earth is this," he asked as he allowed himself to be kissed on the cheek. "I thought I was taking care of the candy."

"You are. This is just a — surprise. For later." She gave him a sly grin while throwing her purse onto his couch and snatching the grocery bag he held with her now free hand.

"And no peeking. Promise." Her gaze turned stern.

He nodded solemnly, but couldn't resist lowering his glasses once she turned away from him. "Hey! Where'd you find lead-lined grocery bags, Lois? You just don't trust me, do you?"

"And do you blame me? I knew you couldn't resist," she replied smugly. "Let's just say that I have friends at Star Labs."

"I guess I'll just have to wait until later, huh?"

"Uh-huh." She started storing the bags in his kitchen as he gave up and started towards the living room.

"So, which video do you want to watch first? Friday the 13th? Halloween? Or —" He turned the last cassette on its side to read the spine, "— Nightmare on Elm Street?"

Lois finished storing everything away and walked over to him. Picking a cassette out of his hands, she said, "I think starting out with Jason would be fine."

"Deranged chainsaw murderer it is. I'll go pop some popcorn."

"Okay," she said, sliding the cassette into his VCR. She pressed play just as the doorbell rang. "I'll get that."

"Uh-huh," came his muffled reply. He was concentrating his heat vision on the kernels of corn.

"Trick or Treat!" chimed the two Power Rangers at the door.

"Hello there," said Lois while reaching into the bowl she had brought over from the coffee table. "Let me guess who you are," she said slowly while choosing out the candy. "You're Sailor Mars," she said while plopping a Snickers bar into the little blue ranger's outstretched bag. "And that must make you Sailor Moon, right?" She dropped the second Snickers into the yellow ranger's bag.

"We're not Sailor people!" shouted the blue ranger.

"Yeah! We're the Power Rangers!" joined the yellow ranger.

"It's Morhpin Time!" they yelled in unison, thrusting their bags out to Lois.

"You got any Sugar Daddies, lady?"

"Uh," she replied, looking up at the woman accompanying them. The woman just shrugged. "No, I don't. Sorry," she said and started to close the door.

"Wait! We want Sugar Daddies!"

"I'm sorry, I don't have any Sugar Daddies. Maybe if you go to the next house, they'll have some there, okay?" She started to close the door again, but was stopped when a plastic sword jabbed her in the knee. "Ow! You little—" She bit her lip from shouting any obscenities out. They were, after all, still kids. "Now look here, you — you — monster. I don't have any Sugar Daddies and you didn't even thank me for the Snickers I gave you —" She stopped when she saw an apparition floating behind the uncooperative mother who had started to glare at Lois. "Oh, look," she said innocently. "What's that behind you?"

The trio turned around and they all screamed. There was white sheet floating about five feet over their heads. Still screaming, the two Power Rangers ran from the apartment leaving the mother to chase after them. Before she caught up, she turned to Lois and shouted, "They're just kids you know."

"Yeah, monstrous kids," she muttered under her breath. "You can come down now, Clark," she said.

"I heard that you were having a little problem with the kids," he said as he descended, slipping the sheet off.

"Now, what would I have done without you that time?" She tucked her arm underneath his as they reentered his apartment together.

"I don't know," he answered, smiling.


"Clark," Lois called over her shoulder after she shut the door. "We're running out of candy." She came over the threshold and towards him on the sofa. "I thought you said that you'd bought plenty."

"Don't worry," he said, patting the seat on the couch next to him. "I can go out and get some more."

She sat down next to him wordlessly.

"What is it now?" he asked after a few moments of silence. "You're not really mad at me for underestimating how many kids were come by tonight, are you?"

"No, I was just thinking. You know, the surprise I had for you tonight, it was gonna be just for the two of us, but I think I know how to spread the wealth."


"Yeah." They lapsed into a silence again as they watched the commercial on television. "You know, this commercial always makes me laugh. They have this disclaimer at the end, 'cards in the set don't actually talk.' I mean, I know it's a game for kids, but do they really expect the cards to talk to them? It's ridiculous!"

"Not all kids were as smart as you were. I'm sure —" A familiar faraway gaze came into his eyes.

"What is it?" She looked at him anxiously.

"I gotta go," he looked over at her apologetically. "I'm sorry, but —"

"Clark. Don't worry about it. Just go." She jumped up suddenly from the couch. "Besides, I want to start on your — surprise."

"Now, come on. Aren't you gonna give me at least one little clue about what this surprise is?"

"No, now go! Metropolis needs you!"

"Okay, okay. I'm gone." And with a swirl of red, blue and yellow, he was.


Lois dipped the last of the apples into the gooey concoction on the stove and set it to dry on the rack next to her. After making sure that the apple wouldn't fall over, she stood back to admire her own handiwork. She was just turning off the faucet from washing her hands when the doorbell rang. Hurriedly, she wiped her hands off on a nearby towel, but relaxed when she heard a familiar voice.

"I got it, Lois," Clark called from within the apartment.

"Thanks!" She smiled and waved a hand over the apples to speed up the drying process. She walked into the living room just as Clark dropped the last of the candy into a small goblin's pumpkin.

"So," he said, closing the door behind him. "Where's my surprise?"

"Come here," she said, leading him back into the kitchen.

"Wow," he said. "You actually made these?" he said incredulously.

"Yes," she replied defiantly. "I can cook if I really want to." She picked a caramel apple up that had already dried and handed it to him along with a stack of napkins. "Here, try it."

He took it and took a bite. He smiled appreciatively and the doorbell rang again.

"Oh, I'd better get that," she said as she glanced at the empty candy bowl in his hands. "Good thing I made so many." She took a tray full of plastic coated caramel apples and headed towards the door.

Clark heard her open the door and start to hand out the caramel apples. Horror filled him as he found that he was having troubles chewing the piece of apple in his mouth. He started to panic as his teeth stuck together and he could no longer move his jaw. He ran into the living room to stop Lois.

"Mmmph!" He struggled frantically to swallow. "Mmmfgh!"

Lois looked over at him warily. "What is it, Clark?"

He finally managed to swallow and said, gasping in between phrases, "Don't — give — them — the — apples. Be — right — back." He ran into the kitchen and grabbed a few apples Lois hadn't used. Back in the living room, he exchanged the caramel apples for the ones he had just grabbed from the kitchen. "Trust me, kids," he said as one protested at his removal of the caramel apple from his bag. "It's a lot safer."

After he closed the door behind him, Lois smacked his arm so hard that even he lost his balance a bit. "What was that all about?! What's wrong with my caramel apples?"

"No offense, Lois," he cringed before finishing, "but your apples are really scary."

"What are you talking about?" She grabbed the apple in his hand, and took a bit bite herself despite Clark's protest. "See? They're fine!" Then panic filled her eyes.

Clark couldn't help laughing. After dashing into the kitchen for a glass of water and handing it to her, he shook his head. "Your apples are scarier than the horror films we were watching!" He watched her glare at him while struggling to chew her own creation. "You are a whole lot cuter to watch though."

Lois couldn't stop glaring at him anymore and smiled through the caramel. "Err grr. Oooh vrgn."

"What was that?"

She took a huge gulp of water. "Okay, you win!"

He smiled and bent down to swoop her up in a big bear hug. "Happy Halloween, Lois."

She smiled back and pecked him on the cheek. "Happy Halloween."


Told you! Kinda sucks, huh? Hope you liked it anyway!