Lois on the Loose

By Franny

Summary: Lois gets drunk at a party and tries to get friendly with Clark. (A "graphic sneeze" from the IRC. :-)

Here is a copy of my outburst on December 18, 1994. I left some of the much needed egging on in there to try to recreate the mood. Hope you like it!

Lois on the Loose a graphic sneeze by Franny


"Lois, maybe you should sit down.."

"Sit DOWN??? sit DOWN???? but I LOVE to be UP UP UP and AWAY!!"

"Wheeeeee" Lois careens into the mayor's table.

"Uh, she's just a little tipsy, sir…Lois!!" Clark grabs hold of her arm and tries to lead her back to their table.

"Oh Clark! It has been soooo long since I've had such a good time!"

"That's all and wonderful, but I think you are creating a scene you don't want to know about tomorrow thru the Planet grapevine, now let's go!!"

Clark leads Lois towards the door. She fussily protests, but gets distracted by random chocolate pieces on desert trays on the way out

"Coconut!! argh!"


Clark is stopped by Perry. "Hey Clark, why are you taking a cab? "We've still got a rented limo! Alice and I aren't going to use it why don't you?"

—<zoomway> yeah, a limo is perfect!

"Thanks, Perry" Clark helps Lois into the limo, having trouble taming her kicking legs… He shoves her over, avoiding anything soft in the process when possible.

"Oh My God, Clark, how could you do this????" Lois yells

"Lois, don't yell at me, this is for your own good, now sit STILL"

—<zoomway> Goooooooo!

Lois tries to whack Clark, but he is quick on the defense…

He holds her arm in the air and catches the other one in mid swing

"Cut it oouuuuuut Lois"

"No! You RUINED my evening!"

Clark holds her hands down on her lap. She shifts too much and he ends up with his hands moving all over her legs.

"ooooooooh Clark, I never knew you had it in ya!" Lois giggles

Clark blushes and backs off. "Please stay still"

—<mcafee> keep going!!

"Oooh, do you really want me to? ok, if you really want me to, but I have to insist on staying still in YOUR LAP!" Lois jumps on Clark.

"Aaahh!!!" Clark has a heavy breathing partner with her arms around his neck aiming right for his kisser

He tries to duck, but he just gets a wet cheek.

"Now YOU stay still Clark! I'm the senior partner! I call the shots!"" "And Lois is up for bat!"

Lois grabs Clark's cheeks and kisses him squarely on the mouth, he tastes the alcohol mixed in with horny frenzy on her breath

"Loismmph Lo—" Clark is debating what to do next. I can't respond to her!

But she is .. argh… her hands are all over me!

Clark decides to try once more to stop this. They have almost reached her apartment. He gets a hold of Lois's wrists and moves quickly to pin her to the seat, kneeling over her with one leg on the seat and the other on the car floor.

He finds a surge of hormones.

He figures if they are almost there anyway…Clark kisses her heavily on the lips and lets his body lie flat on hers.

—<zoomway> ooh he found his hormones, it's about darn time

Lois's sex is more magical than he ever expected. He never let himself go with her like this before. Her smell, her writhing chest underneath him… He has to practically pull his own head off of hers with one of his hands when they reach her apartment and come to a stop.

"Ok. You are home now Lois. th-the driver will… Driver? Will you walk miss lane to the door please? I - I can't right now.."

Clark desperately hopes this works out and he can just cut it off right there but Lois lays still. "Clark?"

"I don't want this to stop. Come up with me?" "Lois… that would be… no I can't really. Please, I'll call you tomorrow.

Clark couldn't help feeling moved by her expression. she seemed so sincere. but she was drunk!

"Please Clark, I won't embarrass you anymore. I don't want to be alone, not after the crazy way I've acted and feel…"

"uh… uhh…"

Clark was entranced by her eyes. "Mr. Kent??" "Miss Lane?" Clark jumped up. "yeah, we are coming…"

Lois, with Clark's help walked towards her door. It took so long that Clark did not have the time to tell the driver to wait.

"Shoot… great. OK, Lois, give me your key." Lois fumbled and found them. He considered sucking back the limo, but Lois was right there.

Clark opens the door and helps her to put her coat and purse away.

"Are you going to be OK here?"

"Yeah. You aren't leaving are you?"

Hitchcock movie and settled on that.

"Well, Lois, I - I don't feel comfortable here."

"I PROMISE to behave Clark… really, please stay." She moved towards him and held his hands.

He was quickly entranced again. "As long as it's calm, OK. What do you want to do?"

"Here, I am going to drink some water, so I don't have a splitting headache tomorrow, I think that works anyway." She was smiling, pretending nothing magnanimously passionate had not just happened. Clark began to relax. He didn't really want to leave after all. He helped her with the water and they headed for the couch.

—<mcafee> YES!!! A couch scene!

"Let's see what's on." Lois turned on the TV. She found an old Hitchcock movie and settled on that. Planting the remote control and her water down. She turned to Clark and wrapped an arm around him.

—* Gene falls unconscious yet again, from hormone overdose.

Clark gasped a little, but relaxed when she just leaned on him. She started, removed her earrings for more comfort and then resumed her position.

Clark put an arm around her as well, secretly wishing she would fall asleep…orrrrrr kiss him like that.

Lois was softly kissing Clark, no urgent hormones this time, just tender and slightly full kisses. Clark barely responded, trying to avoid escalation but enjoyed as much as he could.

He closed his eyes in concentration. This is too much, he thought to himself. Lois started kissing his face around his lips, once in a while including his lips.

Clark clenched his eyes shut. Football, tackling… passing… naked men in locker rooms, please make her STOP! Clark nearly jumped out of the couch when he felt Lois's tongue on the inside of his mouth.

"Sorry Clark" Lois, embarrassed, had heard his prayers and moved away a little.

" …" Clark replies.

"I said I'd behave. I just… you look *so* handsome tonite…"

Lois yawned.

"You look tired Lois. Let me put you to b— uhh, why don't you stretch out on the couch…"

"Nooo… then you'll go home! I know it … please stay Clark.. no more out of control Lois, OK? Please?"?"

Clark was still stuck in cloudy bliss. He had to make a decision now. If he stays, he runs the risk of more entanglements… if he goes, he could really hurt Lois's feelings, and he isn't sure if she's all right anyway.

Was she telling the truth?

She looked tired actually. He decided to stay.

"OK, Lois. I'll stay. Will you get up and sleep in your bed now?"

"No. I want to sleep with you."


"No, that's not what I meant… I mean you sleep on the couch and I sleep on the couch with you…"


"Yes, okay" Clark replied softly. He stretched his legs out and shifted to lay his head on the end of the couch. Lois moved over, then removed the rest of her jewels and her shoes.

She lay her head next to his chin on his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her. She let him have one more round of kisses and then drifted off to sleep comfortably on his chest

Clark never fell asleep.


(sheesh :))

—<Tad> Clap Clap Clap.