A Cat's Life

By Melissa Dore [missy@alpha.acast.nova.edu missy@ocean.nova.edu]

Summary: A slice of Lois Lane's life as seen through the eyes of her wily and wise cat, Elroy. Very clever!


People amuse me. I guess they always have. Walking on two legs, no hair, huge noses (that don't smell very much, I've noticed), and no tail, what could be more humorous? OK, the lion cut Himalayan in 503 is pretty funny, but Himmies are known for brains, especially in my world. Give me a yellow tabby anytime. The one in 502, ohhh I can still remember the softness of her fur. Hard to believe that was so long ago.

Eh? The barrier is clicking! Must explore, just one quick jaunt down the hall…

"Oh no you don't, Elroy. You stay inside. Yes, I'm glad to see you too. Just a minute, I have to get my shoes off. There. OK. OK! I'll pick you up. Uhn, why didn't I pick a light weight? Elroy, you are going on a diet!"

Purrrrr. Mom always knows just where to scratch. Now the other ear, mom, yessssss. Purrrr. Oof. Warn me when you're going to flop on the couch! I'm not a pillow you're holding!

"Sorry, Elroy. Didn't mean to spook you, but I needed to lie down. Please pull in your claws now. It's been a rough day."

Rough! She thinks she has it rough! Who do you think has been defending the house all day? Those mice are truly obnoxious. If you give them a paw, they take a tail! Purrrr, love those fingers!

"Elroy, I love you too, but I need my windpipe to breathe, so if you could just move your paw a little… thanks, Elroy."

Don't mention it. Just keep scratching, blast that bell talker!

"Hello? Oh hi Clark! No I just got in. The reason it took me so long to answer the phone is that I have an 18 pound weight on my chest… Um? Dinner? Sure, why not. Come over and we can have Chinese… Nooo, I won't cook it… Bring a movie if you want. ohh, Got to go, Clark. Elroy's decided he's hungry… Cute, Clark, I know, he's *always* hungry. See you in a bit… Bye."

"All right, Elroy. I get your meaning! What do you want for dinner?"

Why does she always stick the metal can under my nose? Like I can sniff and actually have a choice between paper and metal? Sheesh, gimme food!

"Elroy, I can't get to the can opener with you sitting on my foot."

Oh, sorry.

"Thank you, Elroy."

Don't mention it, now feed me. I'm starving!

"Don't go into a quandary, Elroy. Here's your dinner."

Yummy! Lamb and rice with a smidgen of kitty nibbles. Delish!


Huh? What? That's the barrier bell! Food or out, food or out… Out!

"Oh no you don't, big boy. You have a deserter here, Lois."

Bully! Picking up a cat by his stomach. Not even a hello scratch. Harumph!

"Thanks, Clark. Ever since he got out and met Mrs. Comarch's yellow tabby, he's wanted nothing more than to see her again."

Hello! Put me down!

"Careful, Clark, he doesn't like being picked up by the belly, he might… Clark, are you all right! Bad Elroy! Bad!"

Yeeouch! He's tougher than he looks! I almost lost a claw on that one. Come to think of it, he smells different. What does he smell of? Oh no! He smells like that big blue bird that keeps landing in here. Why can't Mom have some nice *normal* smelling friends?

"Sorry, Clark. He'll probably stay over in that corner and mope for the rest of the night. He can be so strange."

"It's all right, Lois. I brought `Much Ado About Nothing'. Is that all right?"

"Perfect! What do you want to have for dinner?"

Great. Just great. They talk about food while my dish is on the other side of the big blue bird. I know that's the bird, nothing else smells like him. Not that he's bad smelling, just different. If I could get a closer whiff…

"Hey! Hi Elroy, coming to make up with me?"

Sure. Right. Not.

"Scratch his ears, Clark. He'll be your friend for life."

Well, he does have a nice lap. Nice and wide, and he is a good scratcher.

"I think you've been approved of, Clark."

"It's the farmboy in me."

Oh, great. Hey! Don't lean like that! How's a cat supposed to sleep when his bed is tilting? That's it. I'm heading for the high ground.

"Elroy! Sorry, Clark, I don't know what's gotten into him tonight."

"He's use to having you to himself is all. Don't worry about it, Lois. See? He's settling in on the top of the couch."

"He didn't have to use you as the ladder."

Ah hah. I thought so, I spy blue bird under that collar! All I need to do is snag me a little piece…

"No you don't, Elroy. You've had your playtime. You're heading for bed, young man!"

No! Don't shut the barrier, Mom! I promise I'll be good! Drat. Stuck in here with nothing but the litter box. That big blue bird is out there, and I'm stuck. Sniff. Sniff. Wait a minute. That smells like outside! Yes! Thank you, mom! The glass barrier is open! I'm out of here!

"Lois, weren't you a little rough on Elroy? I mean, he is a cat. They are curious."

"You didn't come over here to be a pin cushion. I don't know what's gotten into him. He's usually really friendly."

"Maybe he thinks I'm crowding his territory."

"No, I don't thi… Clark… out on the window ledge!"

Hah! You can't get me now! See, Mom? I'm off to see the yellow tabby! Chow!

"Don't open the window, Lois! It might spook him!"

"Then what! He's wider than the ledge. When he reaches the corner… oh, Clark!"

"Easy, Lois. You go into the bedroom, and I'll try to shoo him back there."

"OK, Clark. But *please* be careful!"

"I promise. Now go."

Oh ohh. I think I outsmarted myself here. No more walking space. Ah, Mom. Heeeellllpp!

"Easy there, Elroy. No need to howl. You're safe now."

What? The big blue bird! He's picking me up! No! No ground! I want down!

"OK, Elroy, I've got you. You're not going to fall, see?"

Right. Sure. The floor is a long, long way down. And.. ohh, nice scratching. Very nice. Hey! I'm back in the living room! I *was* right! You *are* the big blue bird.

"It's OK, Lois. I got him!"

Mom! Did you see that! The big blue bird saved me! Awww mom, not so tight please. I can't breathe! Hey! That's my food dish! Dinner!

"He doesn't seem worse for wear, Lois."

"Thanks, Clark! If anything had happened, I don't know.."

Mom, not now! Can't you see I'm eating?

"Food, Elroy's best friend."

"Come on, Lois, let's watch the rest of the movie. Hi there, Elroy!"

You know, you're not too bad, for a bird.