Dirty Bubbles

By Zoomway

Summary: Poor Lex. Three weeks married to Lois and … things … are just not working as he expected. But then, hell hath no fury like a woman warned. Is it Revenge? Not exactly … :-)

Okay, fanfic FOLC. This was a short story I wrote for Becky who mentioned on the listserv she wanted a bubble bath story because she was envious of someone who had received some Superman bubble bath. Just keep in mind that I wrote this in about 45 minutes, and strictly as a joke. Don't take it too seriously…er, not that you would<g>


Lois grinned as she slipped slightly deeper into the warm water. This was the perfect bubble bath, "Mmm," she purred. There was no finer place to have a bubble bath than in Lex Luthor's huge, marble sunken tub. It was enormous. It was one of the many perks of being Mrs. Lex Luthor, and though Lois and Lex had only been married three weeks, she could scarcely absorb all the wonders of her groom's amassed fortune, but the daily bubble bath was still what she prized above all the treasures she had encountered thus far.

Lex walked into the bath chamber, though calling this room a chamber was somewhat akin to calling the Astrodome a doll house. "Lois," he said, and his voice sounded shaky and distraught. "I've been to specialists, to world famous clinics…the best doctors in the world—"

"Lex," Lois said and tried not to grin, which was difficult because she could not remember ever having such a fulfilling bubble bath. "Are you still upset because you can't…um, because—"

"Yes, Lois," his words hissed through clinched teeth. "You have to believe me! I have never had this problem in my entire life!"

"I believe you, Lex," she said, and rolled her eyes back. "This isn't the middle ages. No one is going to sew a capital 'I' on your chest and parade you through the streets of Metropolis." Though if anyone ever did, Lois would buy a ticket to watch.

Lex Luthor had tried to cut Lois off from everything and everyone she ever loved. Leaving her boxed in, and uncertain. Leaving Lex as her only safe harbor in a sea of chaos. His plan to goad Lois into marriage on his ruthless terms might have worked too, had Clark not managed to tape an unflattering conversation between Mrs. Cox and Lex Luthor. Wherein Lex compared Lois to a battlefield opponent. Lois, so overjoyed and touched by Clark's devotion found that her feelings for Mr. Kent had deepened considerably beyond friendship. After she expressed this love to Clark in every manner imaginable, Clark confessed to her, that he was also Superman.

Though stunned at first, Lois began to realize that she might have seen all along had she been really looking and listening. Lois and Clark's love for each other sealed, they decided to turn their attention to what could possibly be done to punish Lex Luthor for his many crimes. They realized that Lex would have many enemies, but finding one alive and breathing would be tough. And then, as if of one mind, Lois and Clark remembered Miranda. She had cooked up the love potion perfume and had been tossed in jail for trying to subvert a city. Naming her perfume Revenge, gave Lois and Clark the impression she was the woman to see.

Miranda proved to be more than co-operative. She gave Lois and Clark a formula that was guaranteed to ruin any man's Honeymoon. The potion, NOT2NITE was sprinkled onto Lex's slice of wedding cake, and then sprinkled on anything he happened to eat thereafter. Lex, unable to dispense his husbandly duty became a shell of his former self. He gazed longingly at Lois regaling in her bubbles, and then he turned away and slunk out of the bath chamber.

Slowly, and majestically, Superman began to emerge from the bubbles. He hovered above the tub and smiled down at Lois. Then, with a super spin, he flung the water and bubbles from his costume. "I told you I could hold my breath a long time, Lois."

Lois smiled admiringly at Clark as she began to exit the tub. "Your underwater talents know no bounds."

Clark, noticing no available towels, removed his cape, and wrapped it around Lois' body and stared at her a moment. "You know, Lois, that would make a great picture."