The Argument That Founded Utopia

By Mary Potts []

Rated G

Submitted January 2011

Summary: The mayor has challenged Superman's grandson to a silent debate. Who will win?

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A/N: Yes, I stole this joke. Oh well.


In the years between Superman's marriage and the founding of Utopia, not everything was sunshine and harmony. When it was discovered that the citizens of Earth were sharing space with the descendants of an alien, many people weren't sure how they felt about that. One xenophobic mayor decided to ask all of the Lane-Kents to leave town, but in order to look less draconian in the eyes of the voters, he decided to frame it as a bet: If one of these semi-Kryptonians could win a silent argument with him, they would all get to stay. The Lane-Kents couldn't decide what to do, and finally, one brash young grandson named Clark James got fed up with all the bickering and decided to go face off against the Mayor himself.

The Great Debate was held on the steps of City Hall, attended by many members of the press. Young Clark James and the mayor sat across from each other, staring each other in the eye but not speaking a word. Finally, the mayor held up two fingers.

Clark James held up one.

The mayor pointed out toward the horizon.

Clark James patted the ground.

The mayor pointed to his eyes.

Clark James gestured to his own eyes and pointed at the mayor.

Finally, the mayor stood up. "The young man has won. The descendants of Superman and his wife can stay." With that, Clark James smiled and flew home.

The press rushed forward, thundering questions one after another. "Sir?" they asked, "What happened? What was said?"

"Well," said the mayor, "It was quite simple: I held up two fingers, indicating the double life of Clark Kent and his alter ego, Superman. The lad held up one finger, indicating that both are merely facets of the same man. Then I pointed out to the sky, signifying that Superman was an outsider who came from space. He touched the ground, reminding me that Mr. Kent was, in fact, raised on Earth. Finally, I pointed to my eyes, symbolically referring to the lies and deception represented by Mr. Kent's false glasses. But then, the lad pointed back to me, saying that we all wear masks. I could not deny the truth of this, and so the young man has won."

Meanwhile, the Lane-Kent clan crowded around their relative as he touched down. "What happened?" they asked.

"We won," he said.


"Well," Clark James responded, "It was kinda like this: He said we had two days to get out of town. I said that not one of us was leaving. Then he said that we had to go away. I said that we were all staying right here. Then he got really rude and said that he'd be watching us, so I threatened to zap him with my heat vision and that was that."