The Wedding Crashers By Michael Rated PG Submitted February 2009 Summary: It was supposed to be the happiest day in her life. Little did Lois suspect the upheaval it would bring into her life instead. Find out more in this crossover of two climactic episodes of Lois and Clark... Hi FoLCs! This story is my Ficathon contribution for SymbolicAngel. I hope you enjoy :) I'd like to thank Mellie for brainstorming the requests, my betas Mona, Kmar, and Carol for their fabulous help while I wrote this, and NearlyNoelNeill for the last-minute polishing before it got posted to the archives. And before you ask, no, I didn't ask Carol *just* so I could do the evil thing better ;) You guys are a great support team and thanks so much for making sure I didn't stumble into the plot holes along the way. FoLCs, I know this story will use some of the more... questionable characters of Lois & Clark, but I promise that I did it all in good faith and the hopes to use them in ways never imagined by the creators of the show. Mona even mentioned that I managed to give them a purpose beyond dragging out the happily-ever-after thing. So I hope you will enjoy this tale and if you'd like to leave me a comment or two, please feel free to post in the Fanfic-board (http://www.lcficmbs.com/cgi-bin/boards/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=6&t= 001501) or just send me an e-mail. It is always appreciated, Michael :) Disclaimer: The recognizable characters and settings in this story are the property of D.C. Comics, Warner Bros., December 3rd Productions, and anyone else with a legal right to them, and I have no claim on them whatsoever, nor am I profiting by their use. It's just the original stuff, that would be mine, written down to bring some entertainment to other FoLC. It's an episode crossover but I won't say more up here because it would spoil the surprise. Blocks in < > are literal thoughts by the character or telepathic communication. *** "We have reached Earth's orbit, Milady," the ship's captain informed his lone female passenger. He wore a simple black bodysuit; the only decorations were bright blue cuffs adorning his wrists. "Thank you, Ching," the Royal Lady Zara acknowledged her bodyguard stoically. She was clad in a bodysuit similar to that of her companion and wore a sleeveless black overcoat above it. The outer garment was adorned by a crimson collar that dissolved into crimson lapels running all the way down the open front of the coat. "Have you determined the landing coordinates of Kal-El's ship?" "Yes, Milady." Ching directed the, by now cloaked, vessel into a geosynchronous orbit over a large landmass. "His ship is said to have landed on this part of the planet." He pointed out the green surface below them on the display screen. "The records are correct, Ching," Zara informed her pilot. "I can sense my bond-mate, if weakly." There was a flicker of emotion marring the aloof man's features before his mouth settled back into an expressionless mask. "I can feel a Kryptonian presence as well, Milady." Ching pointed toward the coastline to the east of the landmass. "He must have traveled since he arrived." "Of course, he traveled, Ching." Zara barely suppressed a chiding tone in her response. "He arrived here as a newborn, and there is no reason why he should have kept to this place alone." "Of course, Milady." Ching bowed his head slightly in deference. "But his long stay with the inhabitants of this world also means we will have to determine if he is capable of becoming the First Lord of Krypton." "You mean, if he is worthy of formalizing his union with me?" the statuesque woman inquired. "Milady," Ching replied noncommittally before he looked over to her, his eyes having taken on a worried look. "I can sense it, too," Zara acknowledged her companion's concerns. "Kal-El is in pain." "Yes." Ching stared at the large display in front of him, showing a panoramic view of an expansive settlement located on the eastern coast -- their destination. "We have to help him." Zara stood up and moved behind her lieutenant's chair, her fingers folding over the backrest until her knuckles turned white. "Milady," he replied forcefully, "we do not know the circumstances of his plight. We must not react in haste." "He is the heir to the throne of Krypton; we will determine the circumstances of his plight *after* we have ensured his safety." Her strained voice grew somber. "Or all may be lost." "Yes, Milady." Ching bowed his head, looking properly chided as he lowered the spherical vessel towards the settlement. "I will look for a suitable landing location in the outer sections of this settlement. We will walk from there." "Very well, Ching," Zara distractedly accepted the proposed plan as her eyes continued to scan the visuals on the display while her mind listened in on her bond-mate's struggle. She closed her eyes and focused her mind. Zara snapped out of the conversation when she felt a wave of pain seeping over the telepathic connection and down into every cell of her body. "We have to hurry, Ching!" she commanded her travel companion, the fear audible in her trembling voice. "Kal-El is in great pain." "I understand, Milady," he replied, his voice distant. Zara tore her eyes away from the settlement and looked out through the forward display; the yellow sun of this lush world was just rising above the horizon. *** The hunter perched in its little transport vessel, stealthily monitoring the scout ship of its master's enemies as it disappeared from the screens. Its master's enemies had activated their cloak. It did not matter. Casually, the hunter brought the infrared sensors' readout to the front and continued to observe the other ship. Only now it focused on the heat signature left behind by the other vessel on its descent in the strange world's atmosphere. *** Clark groaned in pain as he lay curled up on the cold stone floor deep within Luthor's lair in the heart of Metropolis. The air around him glowed in a sick green, and he pulled the seams of his cape tighter around him in an attempt to keep himself a little bit warmer. He still couldn't believe his own stupidity for walking right into the trap set by his sworn enemy. He had terribly underestimated his adversary, and now it looked as if he was going to pay for it with his life. He would die, and Lois would marry the man who had killed him. It was the bitterest of ironies. The female voice was distant, and it was using his Kryptonian name. His mother, his biological mother, was calling to him from the grave. It was either that or he was finally losing it from the intense pain that seared through every fiber of his being. Clark pushed himself up and fell back down to the ground as another wave of pain moved through him. Okay, so maybe he wasn't going to answer the call just yet. *** The two Kryptonian visitors walked down the stony pathways of this strange metropolis. Ching had landed their scout ship amidst a mass of scrap metal that seemed to have once been this world's form of transportation. They had both changed out of their Kryptonian clothes and adopted dark gray suits in a fashion similar to what they had observed in their flight over this settlement, courtesy of their ship's replication facility. Zara pointed east to where the buildings rose high into the sky. Ching replied telepathically as well, having chosen to keep those near them from noticing that they did not speak the native tongue. They reached a crossing over a body of water that separated them from their goal. Zara stated. Ching's thoughts came over their mental link. Zara chided. She looked around, taking in the frenzied activity. The natives' transport devices moved past them at high speeds, and the drone and smell was enough to remind her of the time when she had inspected the metal processing facilities on New Krypton. Zara suppressed a remark of her own, and they continued silently on their path to the other side of the river. There the activity seemed to even increase. Apparently, Kal-El was being held in the bustling center of this settlement. As more and more of the indigenous people moved around them on foot, Zara let her mind wander and touch the thoughts of those around her, picking up the occasional tidbit of the language spoken on this planet. She knew that Ching was doing the same. Ching remarked, his voice showing a bit of frustration at the confusing chatter around them. the lady chided her bodyguard. Zara threw Ching a scornful sideways glance at the exasperated tone of his thoughts. She understood his frustrations and concerns, but this did not give her companion the right to such disrespectful behavior. Maybe this world *did* have a negative influence on them, she mused. And in that case they might not like what they would find once they reached her bond-mate. The Kryptonians continued on their way, each one silent as they focused on familiarizing themselves with their surroundings. Zara let her eyes wander to the left, and she noted a large, transparent viewport in one of the buildings. It displayed clothing in styles similar to that of the indigenous population hastening past them. It was flashy and immodestly cut, causing her to avert her eyes. Such garments were suited for concubines, not for nobility. There was one combination in particular that did not even cover the knees and showed all of the mannequin's arms. It was scandalous! Her eyes wandered back, and she took in the way the attire accentuated the mannequin's hips and breasts, making sure every man knew what he could expect from the wearer. She swallowed and averted her eyes again. She was Zara of the House of Ra, bound to become the First Lady of Krypton; such garments were not made for her. her bodyguard's voice intruded into her thoughts, and she looked for him. He had managed to move a couple of steps ahead of her, standing in front of the next viewport. This one showed devices that offered them a specter of moving images. Display screens. Zara closed the distance to him and looked closer at the screen to which Ching pointed. Her breath hitched in her throat, and she looked closer still. There was a man on display, wearing a suit that resembled that of the royal house, only it was immodestly colorful and sported a... *cape*. And yet, right on the chest there was the crest of the House of El. Zara could feel the shock reverberating in her companion's thoughts. He paused as the image changed. Ching's thoughts became distant, and Zara completed the sentence for him, <...flying.> Ching sounded confused in her mind. She paused and took a breath before continuing, Zara nodded towards the high rising buildings and quickened her pace as much as was appropriate for her status. Ching's thoughts spilled into her mind. <*Ching*,> Zara sent him a warning reprimand, her patience starting to be affected by her companion's continuous criticism. *** The hunter continued to follow its master's enemies through the city. It had observed the weak creatures that populated the streets and imitated their appearance. They looked just like its master's race, but the hunter could sense their inferiority as they brushed by. The hunter reveled in their complete ignorance of the fact that it would just take one command from the hunter's master to snuff out their unimportant lives. But their lives would be spared. They were not the hunter's target. No, the hunter's master had been quite specific. Only the son of Jor-El, Kal-El, was to die on this day. And its master's enemies would lead it right to him. *** Clark heard buoyant footsteps coming down the stairs and he strained his neck so he could see who had arrived in his prison before he let his head fall back to the ground. There was only *one* person who would come to visit him here. "Good morning, *Superman*!" the cheerful voice of his captor greeted him. "I hope you had a restful night's sleep? After all, it was your *last* night on this very planet of mine." Clark couldn't help but notice the utter mockery in Luthor's voice as the sociopath unlocked the cage and stepped inside. "No?" Luthor crouched down beside Clark's face and continued to gloat. "Well, that's too bad." He got up again, and Clark tried to grab for his leg, but Luthor simply danced out of the way. "I, on the other hand, had a wonderful night's sleep." His arch enemy continued to walk around the cage, flattering himself and his cunningness while Clark tried to collect his strength so he could move against him. It was Luthor's one weakness, his overconfidence, his need to show off his perceived superiority. "And I can assure you, *tonight* I will sleep even better." Luthor paused. "Or, maybe, not at all," he continued with a thoughtful smirk. Clark gasped in pain as he felt the tip of Luthor's shoe harshly connecting with his back, right below his left kidney. "Because tonight..., tonight I will *finally* have conquered the most glorious prize in this battle of ours -- Lois Lane." Luthor stepped around Clark's feet until the captured superhero could see him once again. "Oh, don't get me wrong, I do love Lois, I really do. But to know that you're lying dead down here while I'm with her up in the clouds; it is poetic, isn't it?" "Luthor...," Clark groaned, horrific images of Lois and Luthor flashing in front of his mind's eye. "Yes, *Superman*?" Luthor crouched back down beside him, the monster's face sporting wild eyes and a joyful sneer. Clark tried to reach out and grab him, but Luthor simply twisted his thumb back until Clark howled and rolled onto his back, pain shooting from his mishandled digit all the way into his back. "You... will... never...," he panted, and Luthor released his hand. "Lois..., she... will... never..." "Oh, but I think she will," Luthor replied jovially before he grew thoughtful. "But..., I guess you do have a point. Lois does have a lot of independence. A lot of... spunk," he droned on sardonically. "Don't you agree?" Luthor stepped back. "But worry not, my blue-clad friend. I'm sure she will learn her place before long. And if not,-" The once carefree voice became contemplative. "-well, it's tragic, the accidents that can happen even to the famous and beautiful..." Clark's eyes widened in shock, and he tried to grab for Luthor again. This time the shoe hit him right in the other kidney, and Clark rolled to the side, retching helplessly against the cold, hard floor. "Ah ah ah, *Superman*," Luthor chided him scornfully. "We can't have you ruining my tux." His voice changed again, the scorn replaced by cheer. "That reminds me..." Luthor unrolled two cummerbunds, one red and one white. "Which one? The red or the white? Red for *passion*-" Clark thought he could hear Luthor practically growl at the word. "-or white for purity?" Clark glared back at his nemesis, but his eyes would not inflame the fabric. "Yes, you're right," Luthor went on, seemingly oblivious to the fact that his opponent hadn't answered, "Definitely the red." Luthor bent down and drew the white cummerbund around Clark's neck, pulling it tight just enough to strangle him a little. "Luthor...," Clark managed to squeeze out as he fought to draw a breath into his lungs and clawed with his fingers at the fabric around his neck. "How strange, to hear you say my name like this, with what could easily be your dying breath." He paused and relaxed his hands around the ends of the makeshift garrote. "But no, that would be too quick. And you still need to be alive when I put the ring on Lois' finger." Luthor pulled himself up and checked his pocket watch. "Until later then, *Superman*." Luthor stepped outside the cage and threw the door shut with a decisive push, locking it behind him. Clark managed to twist his neck until he could watch Luthor pocket the key and retreat to the stairs. Luthor tipped his right hand to his head as he turned towards the cage and then bounced back up the stairs. A moment later, Clark could hear the door fall shut, and he was alone again in the wine cellar below Lex Tower, locked into a cage and surrounded by Kryptonite. His day surely couldn't get any worse. *** Zara gasped as she felt a particularly pronounced wave of pain flooding her mind. "Are you all right, Milady?" Ching asked his mistress aloud, his worry clearly visible on his face as he steadied her with an outreaching hand. Zara took a calming breath and looked around, but none of the passersby seemed to have noticed Ching's slip into their native Kryptonian. she sent to him before urging him on. Ching fell in step beside her. Their path took them deeper into the settlement, and the buildings' architecture became vaster as they plodded along their path. Zara continued to fortify her mind against her bond-mate's suffering; she did not need the distraction and she was unsure how Ching would react to further displays of weakness, on Kal-El's part... or hers. She finally halted in front of a towering building and gazed up, her eyes following the intricate designs decorating the exterior. The structure appeared to be enormously high, but she could still make out the patterns and shapes almost all the way to the top. Zara shook her head at the optical illusion and looked back at Ching. It seemed as if he wasn't even the slightest bit out of breath, despite the fact that they had hiked through this alien metropolis at a very fast pace since just after sunrise, and now the planet's sun was sending its rays down at them from well above the horizon. And if she thought about it, she was not sweating either... Ching's thoughts prompted her. Zara cautioned as she looked at her companion and then back at the building. Ching took a closer look at the building himself, and Zara could see him frown. Zara closed her eyes for a moment, trying to locate Kal-El's presence within the building in front of her before Ching touched her arm. Ching pointed beyond the side of the building where a large plaza separated the front of the building from the pathway they had followed on their way there. Zara could see a hubbub of the planet's inhabitants moving about, entering and leaving the building and winding their ways past several stone pillars planted in front of the gold-framed portal. Apparently, admittance to the building was not being monitored by guards, but that did not automatically mean they could just walk up to Kal-El and take him with them. Ching mused as he stepped forward and then paused to turn towards her. He indicated the front portal and looked back at her. Zara nodded, and Ching made his way through the throng of aliens until he stopped in front of the building and looked at the edifice in closer scrutiny. She took note of a yellow transportation device stopping and watched as a woman emerged from it. The stranger attracted her attention as she was wearing an elaborate garment in a very faint reddish hue that reached just past her knees. The right side of her chest was adorned by a large, white plant and her blond hair was covered by a transparent veil. She seemed to be an important person and... Zara exclaimed when she saw her lieutenant move towards the new arrival. he responded calmly before moving into the path of the woman. Zara continued to listen in over their telepathic link as Ching greeted the stranger in the native's tongue and hurried to his side in time to catch the end of her reply. "...told you, I do not need an escort." The woman seemed to be annoyed at Ching's presence. "Please, Milady, this is a most important matter," Ching implored the older woman, his arms folded behind his back and looking for all intents and purposes like a member of her household staff welcoming a guest into her home. "Look, I can understand that my daughter's fiancé wishes to present himself in the best of manners, but this does not mean I have to be waited on," she resolutely stated, and Zara was surprised she could understand so much of the reply. The woman seemed to have a particularly determined mind that overshadowed that of the general populace rushing by. "Please," Zara started and leaned forward. "There seems to be a misunderstanding. My... friend here is not associated with your daughter." "Then what do you want from me?" She tried to push past them, but Ching reached out and placed a hand on her right shoulder, stopping her. "Let go of me," she snapped. Zara shot her companion a warning glance and a telepathic message to step aside. "Please, we are only trying to find Kal-El." The woman was on her way past them when she paused. "What?" She looked at Zara with surprise. "Kal-El," she repeated. "You must have heard of him. I have seen him on the... display screen earlier, flying." "Wonderful." The woman rolled her eyes. "On the day of my daughter's wedding I happen to run into a bunch of religious zealots trying to tell me about their angels." She continued on. "I don't have time for this nonsense." Zara felt herself growing desperate. The woman obviously knew something but thought their motives were impure. "Please." She reached out and rested a hand on the strange woman's forearm while using the other to pull out a pendant shaped in the crest of the House of El. "He is my bond-mate, and I have traveled a long way to find him." The woman's eyes fell on the silvery pendant and then rose to look into Zara's face. "*Superman* is your angel?" She let go of a deep breath. "And here Lucy always says *Lois* is his greatest fan." "Lois?" Ching asked from the sidelines. "Yes," the woman answered. "Lois Lane?" Zara looked at Ching, who shrugged and so did she. The woman laughed a little. "My god, someone who has not heard of Lois Lane." She looked them up and down and her eyes narrowed. "You people are not from around here, are you?" "No," Zara replied. "Europe?" Zara chose to simply nod her head and Ching stepped closer. "Where can we find this... Lois Lane?" "My daughter?" Zara looked to Ching, who simply stared back at her, offering her the mental equivalent of a shrug. "Your daughter is this 'Lois Lane'?" she tried. "Yes, I thought I'd said that," Lois Lane's mother answered impatiently. Ching frowned, and Zara could feel his wariness as he asked, "And she is in this building." "Yes," the older woman replied. Zara warned her bodyguard to remain calm. He shot her a quick look and then asked his next question in a clipped voice. "What is your daughter's relationship with... Superman?" "I told you, she's his greatest fan..." The woman paused for a moment. "Oh, right. His greatest... friend?" Zara could feel Ching relaxing, and she let go of a breath herself. "Please, you have to take us to her. This is a very important matter." "I... don't think that would be a good idea right now..." She backed away a little from them. "You see, she's going to walk down the aisle in two hours, and I very much doubt that she would appreciate the interruption." Ching closed the distance again. "This is a very grave matter to us." He now towered over the other woman, being a head taller than her. "I would very much appreciate it, if you would bring us to her." His voice took on a threatening tone. "Now." "I... I... I really don't feel comfortable with this," she said as Ching gripped her arm. "Never the less, you will lead us to your daughter," Ching informed her forcefully. "*Ching*," Zara chose to intervene. "I don't think this treatment is necessary." She looked at the mother of this Lois Lane and implored, "Please, excuse my companion's behavior." She shot Ching a look and he dropped his arm away from Lois Lane's mother. "Maybe we could ask this Lucy instead?" "Lucy? She isn't here." The older woman started to become agitated. "And can you believe this? Her *sister* is getting married and Lucy is off on some *spiritual* trip in Malibu." She shook her head. "If this is all? I have a wedding to attend to..." Zara smiled and shot Ching another warning glance. "Yes, thank you." She was afforded a glare and Ching didn't fare any better, and then the woman pushed past them. She smiled at him.