Murphy's Law

By Cookiesmom <kdmcelmore@aol.com>

Rated: G

Submitted: July 2009

Summary: When you're a Boy Scout, no good deed goes unpunished.

Note: This is in response to Queen of the Capes's challenge
about wacky laws. It is a fanfic based on the characters in Lois
and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman, and the characters do
not belong to me.

***

Clark was in a good mood as he walked into the Daily Planet that
morning.

Yesterday had been one of his better days as Superman; he had
heard a subway accident just as it was happening and had been
able to divert one of the cars just in time to prevent any
serious injuries. Then, because the accident had actually taken
place on an elevated portion of the line, he had flown every one
of the passengers from the damaged subway cars to safety. After
that, he had moved the cars off the track and inspected the
tracks to make sure they were undamaged, just in time to clear
them for the evening rush hour.

It was a lot of work but he was proud of what he had done. In
fact, he was feeling so good and so magnanimous that he passed up
writing the story himself and gave an exclusive interview to his
sometime partner Lois Lane. Her story about the accident and
Jimmy Olsen's photographs of Superman flying the car's
occupants to safety were both on the front page of this
morning's Daily Planet. Lois could be a little temperamental,
but she should be in a good mood this morning.

As he stepped off the elevator, he noticed that Lois was already
at her desk, speaking on the phone. He walked over to his desk,
stopping on the way to pour himself and Lois a cup of coffee
each. As he set Lois's coffee on her desk, she put the line on
hold and turned to him. "Clark, do you think you can reach
Superman today?"

"Why, what's up?" he answered.

"That was the police chief's office. They'd like him to come
to headquarters some time today. Something about yesterday's
rescue."

"That was quick," thought Clark. They were undoubtedly going to
give him some sort of award. In the eight months since his
appearance as Superman, he'd already received four awards from
the mayor. He'd have to watch out, or these awards were going to
go to his head. "I can probably reach him by lunch time."

"Okay, I'll tell them to expect him," Lois replied.

At about 12:30 that afternoon, Superman landed at police
headquarters and entered the door. Ignoring the curious looks
from the people waiting in the lobby, he strode to the
receptionist's desk and said, "I had a message that the chief
was looking for me."

"Um, um, yes, Superman," babbled the awe-stricken receptionist.
"The chief is out, but he asked me to have you see Captain
Murphy in the Traffic Control Division. I'll buzz you through
the door over there. Captain Murphy's office is right down the
hall, the fourth door on the left. Please go right in. He's
waiting for you."

Murphy looked up as Superman entered his office. "Superman!
Thanks for coming by!"

Clark noted the copy of that day's Daily Planet lying on his
desk. "Always glad to be of help," he responded. "What can I
do for you?"

"Actually, it's a little awkward," Murphy responded. "We're
asking for your cooperation because ... we have a warrant for
your arrest."

"WHAT! Excuse me, what am I supposed to have done?" Clark was
so astounded that he just stood there with his mouth open, in a
very non-Superman-like pose.

"Operated a taxi service without a license," answered Murphy.
"You may not be aware of it, but Metropolis has very strict
requirements for anyone transporting people as part of their job.
The only exceptions are municipal employees such as bus drivers
and public safety personnel. Anyone else has to pass a test to
prove their command of the English language, their knowledge of
traffic laws, and their familiarity with the city's geography.
Then they have to apply for a license and there are only a
limited number of those available."

"But I'm not driving a taxi!" Clark almost shouted.

"The law doesn't specifically apply to taxis, it just states
that the requirement must be met by anyone transporting people as
part of their occupation. And you certainly transported about 150
people yesterday, and in this article you stated, 'It's just my
job.'"

Clark couldn't help being curious. "Even though I don't charge
anyone?" he queried.

"The law applies whether or not you charge. It was written to
outlaw 'gypsy' unlicensed taxis that just claim to accept gifts
or tips from their passengers."

"I think I need a lawyer," Clark mumbled. He was acting less
and less like Superman as this situation became more and more
like a nightmare.

"Well, you're certainly entitled to one," said Murphy. "In
fact, if you're ready to cooperate and turn yourself in, I need
to formally read you your rights."

"And if I'm not?" Clark replied.

"Then you're not the defender of law and order that you've
presented yourself to be," growled Murphy. "It's not really
that bad. The charge is just a misdemeanor. You will have to go
through booking, but the court is just across the street and the
judge is there until 4pm, so as soon as your lawyer gets here we
can have an arraignment and a bail hearing. You might not even
have to spend any real time in jail. And I shouldn't tell you
this," he added, "but ask your lawyer whether you might qualify
for our first offender program. If you complete the conditions
set by the judge, the arrest and conviction will be removed from
your record."

"May I make a phone call first?" Clark asked. "Or am I limited
to one phone call, like they say in the TV shows?" He was
wondering how he was possibly going to find a lawyer, but, more
importantly, how he was going to explain his absence to Perry. He
had supposedly just left the office to get lunch at the deli on
the corner.

"Well, you're not in custody yet, so you can call your lawyer
or whoever from the pay phone in the lobby."

"But that costs money, doesn't it? I'm sorry, but I don't
normally carry any change."

"I guess you don't have any pockets in that thing, do you?"
Murphy almost grinned. "I guess I can make an exception, since
it's you, Superman. I can let you use the phone in our booking
area."

Three hours later, Superman was released from custody. It wasn't
as bad as he thought it would be; during the booking interview,
he had stuck to his Superman persona, and when he could not
report any assets or source of income, he was told he qualified
for a court-appointed attorney. He hadn't had much of a chance
to speak with Constance Hunter, but she had helped him to enter a
plea of "not guilty" and had persuaded the judge that, since he
had already turned himself in once, he could be released on his
own recognizance, without posting bail. It was close, because he
could not prove any ties to Metropolis, but luckily the judge was
a Superman fan, who had presided over the trials of some of the
criminals he had captured and turned in.

He had a meeting with Constance scheduled for tomorrow afternoon,
to give her a chance to go over the charges and the case law. Now
the only thing he had to do was write up the story, because
Superman's arrest was page-one news. Perry was waiting for an
exclusive. This was going to be one of the hardest stories he had
ever written, and he had to keep reminding himself to stick to
the facts. Opinions about the stupidity of the law enforcement
process belonged on the editorial page, and it was up to Perry to
write that.

The next day, Constance smiled as he entered her office. "I have
good news," she stated as soon as he took a seat. "Since
you're a first offender, we may be able to get you into a
diversion program. All you will have to do will be to take the
taxi driver tests, pass them, and then apply for a license, and
we may be able to get by without any conviction going onto your
record. It'll still be up to the judge as to whether they'll
allow you into the program, but we can argue that there was no
intent to break the law. However, you will have to promise not to
transport anyone until you get the license. The only other
problem may be meeting one of the requirements for the license --
can you prove that you are a legal resident of this country?"

Clark sighed. "I'll find a way."

***

It took a week-long campaign of Daily Planet editorials, but the
senior Senator from New Troy was persuaded to introduce a private
bill into Congress declaring Superman a U.S. citizen. It helped
that the Planet had supported him in his last campaign. The bill
passed quickly after the White House staff placed calls to all
100 Senators and 435 members of the House. The next week,
Superman took and passed all three qualification tests for his
transportation license, and Perry pulled more strings to get City
Hall to expedite issuing the license. In the interim, Superman
had been responding to emergencies, but he was careful to have
the police or fire department transport anyone who could not take
care of themselves.

Now he breathed a sigh of relief -- things could return to
normal! There was only one thing left to do. In order to place
the first call to Perry in privacy, he had borrowed fifty cents
from Captain Murphy to use the pay phone, and Superman always
repaid his debts. This time he had to take a deep breath before
walking through the door of Police Headquarters, but he reminded
himself that he was in the clear -- he had nothing to worry
about. He tried to leave the envelope with the money in it with
the receptionist, but she insisted that Captain Murphy was in and
would be glad to see him, so she buzzed him through the door.
Murphy looked up as he entered, and Clark handed him the
envelope, explaining that it was to repay the money he had
borrowed.

"Thanks," Murphy responded.

"No, thank you," Clark answered. "I know you were just doing
your job, and I respect that. But I'm glad this is all behind
me."

"I'm glad too," Murphy stated. "But there's just one more
thing ..."

Clark felt his throat tighten. He knew this was a bad idea!
"What?" he asked.

"Superman, did anyone ever mention to you that we have
designated flight corridors and no-fly zones in Metropolis?
We're very strict about enforcing them, both for safety and for
noise control. And it looks like you flew within 500 feet of a
hospital yesterday, which is definitely a violation of the
ordinance .... "

THE END