The List

By Anonpip <anonpip@gmail.com>

Rated G

Submitted September 2009

Summary: Lois and Clark spend an evening watching television that
makes Lois reflect on Clark's feelings for her.

Author's Note: In this story, Lois and Clark are watching an
episode of Friends -- "The One with the List". As this story
takes place sometime before "Lucky Leon" which aired in March
of 1995 and the Friends episode aired in November of 1995, I've
played with the air dates a little bit and moved the Friends
episode one year earlier to November of 1994. I'd place this
story in early March, so shortly before "Lucky Leon". This
works well with both the content of the story and my memory of
how television sweeps work (in the US) -- February used to be a
sweeps month (not sure if things still work this way) -- a month
when television watching is recorded to determine ratings, so new
episodes would be shown in February and in early March reruns
would be played (Lois and Clark are watching a rerun of "The One
with the List" in this story).

No real knowledge of Friends or the episode "The One with the
List" is required for this story, but in case it clarifies
things, here is a brief synopsis of the storyline. Recently,
Ross, who is in his mid-twenties, has found out that Rachel
(about Ross' age) has feelings for him. Ross has had a crush on
Rachel since they were in high school (maybe earlier? I can't
recall), but has recently realized she'll never feel the same
way and started dating Julie. While Julie is nice and has more in
common with him than Rachel, he is unsure what to do given his
long standing feelings for Rachel. So Chandler suggests he makes
of list of the pros and cons of each woman. They start with the
cons (as Chandler thinks this will be more fun) and never make it
any further. The list ends up with a several negatives for Rachel
(she's spoiled, doesn't have a great job, etc.) and only one
for Julie, which is that she's not Rachel, and thus in the end
Ross chooses Rachel. But moments after he tells Rachel that he
has broken up with Julie, Rachel finds the list and is so upset
that Ross has put together a list of all the worst things she
ever thinks about herself and thinks of these as reasons not to
date her, she tells him she's no longer interested.

There is a brief mention here of a different storyline and while
you don't need to know what it's about I don't think, for
those people for whom not knowing would ruin the story: Monica,
an unemployed chef, has just taken a job for a food company that
hopes to launch a replacement for chocolate -- mocolate. (It's
never clear what the benefit of mocolate is over chocolate.) She
has been hired to create several Thanksgiving themed recipes
using mocolate in an effort to make Thanksgiving the mocolate
holiday. Mocolate tastes bad and does some strange things (like
bubble in your mouth) making this a difficult task. In the end,
Monica does this only by creating recipes with only trace amounts
of mocolate, which she's told is okay since the FDA does not
approve mocolate's launch.

While I do make brief references to other television programs and
I constrained myself to those that did air during 1995, I didn't
confine myself to the actual television schedule -- in that they
are supposed to be alternatives to watching Friends, but they did
not all air at the same time (at least according to the schedule
I found on Wikipedia). But then again, during a week in which
reruns are aired, the normal television schedule isn't always
adhered to anyway.

There is a reference to Murphy Brown in this story, but I think
I've included everything needed in the story. (Having only seen
a couple of episodes of that program, most of what is included
came from reading the first paragraph of the Wikipedia article on
it, so there can't have been too much information needed.)

All characters are the property of Warner Bros, December 3rd
Productions, ABC, and anyone else who may have a legal claim on
them. The story, however, is mine.

Thanks to LabRat for GEing this for me.

***

I look at the space between us on the couch and suppress a sigh.
Months ago, when this episode first aired, that space wouldn't
have existed. I would have been pressed up against Clark's side,
his arm around me to keep me warm, as we watched television. But
not any more. Now an entire couch cushion is between us and while
it looks empty, I know it's not. *She* sits there -- between us,
like a brick wall.

Not that it's really her fault. I'd like to blame her, but I
can't. Aside from being a bit pushy, she's done nothing wrong.
It's me. I took too long to admit my feelings for Clark. She saw
it before me, which is embarrassing since I've known him so much
longer. But somehow I had missed how sweet, generous, and kind
Clark Kent is. By the time I realized it, by the time it occurred
to me that I had given the wrong answer that day on the park
bench, Mayson was already a presence in our lives. And while
Clark hasn't really fallen into her arms or something, just her
presence has made me reticent to say anything.

I guess I'm afraid of competing with her. Mayson is pretty and
she is blonde (Clark prefers blondes). More than that, though,
since Clark isn't the type of guy who would choose girlfriends
based on looks, Mayson is smart and strong, and she is nice. Even
not liking her, and I don't, I know these things are true. Add
all this to the fact that she had seen immediately what a great
guy he is, and I don't see how abrasive, brunette, Lois Lane,
the woman who had flat out rejected his offer of love once
before, could really compete with Mayson.

So, I haven't said anything.

When I first saw this episode of Friends, in my apartment, alone,
I had liked it. Maybe it was because I didn't much like Ross or
Rachel -- they were both too whiny and gutless (even if I, too,
am too gutless for go after Clark, at least I don't whine about
it), so I was happy for a reason for them not to be together.
Maybe because, aside from the whole Ross and Rachel drama, it is
a pretty funny episode.

Whatever the reason, I liked it. As a result, the episode had
stayed with me. I thought about it at odd times -- if Clark were
to put together a list, what would he say about me? I have
trouble imagining it, though. While I am too scared to tell him
my feelings, sure he would rather be with Mayson, I can't
imagine him saying anything mean about me.

I mean, really, the whole list idea is sort of funny -- if Clark
were to put together a list, and I can't really imagine him
doing so, he'd only do the pros. He doesn't have a mean bone in
his body -- I imagine the idea of writing a list of cons would
make the poor guy break out in a sweat.

Clark laughs at something on the show, and I realize I've missed
half the episode. "Are you okay?" he asks, noticing that my
mind has wandered. "You usually love Friends."

I smile to reassure him. "I'm fine," I lie. "I've seen this
episode before."

"Oh," he looks confused for a moment. "Do you want to watch
something else? I thought you wanted to see this, but we can
watch something else. Do you want to watch the news? Or..." He
grabs the TV listings section of Sunday's Daily Planet. "...we
could watch the X-Files? Or Murphy Brown?" He grins at me. "You
remind me a bit of Murphy Brown."

"Thanks," I say sarcastically. Not that I really think he's
wrong -- like me, Murphy Brown is a strong woman who stands up
for what she believes in. She is even an investigative reporter,
although she works in television, not print. But she is in her
forties and, aside from her son, alone -- probably a result of
her abrasive personality. Does Clark think I'll end up the same
way? Don't I have a soft side that will come out in spades if I
ever meet the right guy?

"Hey," Clark says, looking even more concerned now as he puts
the television listings down. "What's wrong with thinking you
have something in common with Murphy Brown?"

"She's alone," I point out.

"I didn't say you *were* Murphy Brown," Clark replies. "Just
that you remind me of her. You have the same desire for truth and
justice that she does. It was a good thing, Lois," he tries to
reassure me.

"And we're both obnoxious," I remind him, ignoring his plea
that this is a good thing, and hating the whine I can hear in my
voice.

Clark gives a slight grimace. "Okay, so she's a bit obnoxious,
but she's a TV character and it's played for laughs. You're
not like that."

I give him a pointed look. "I'm not?"

Clark sighs. "Do I think there would be a picture of you under
the phrase 'sugar and spice and everything nice'?" Clark asks.
"No. But that's not because you're obnoxious, but because
you're real. All sugar and spice would be boring."

"Would you ever do that?" I ask, gesturing to the television,
before I have the chance to censor myself. I need to change the
subject so I don't admit how much I like hearing his words.

"Do what?" Clark asks, turning towards his television to
determine what I am talking about.

"Make a list," I mumble.

"As a way to decide whom to date?" Clark asks, incredulous.

"Yeah," I say, still mumbling, but a slight challenge to my
voice now.

Clark laughs. "I'll let you know if I ever have a reason to do
so," he smiles. "Not that I can imagine doing it, but I've
never had to worry about two women fighting over me before, and I
can't imagine I ever will."

"You don't give yourself enough credit, Clark," I tell him,
surprising myself with my gall. "Mayson's a great girl, and she
likes you. Why wouldn't someone else feel the same way?" I
refrain from reminding him that I had said yes when he had asked
me on a date a few weeks ago. Since those plans fell through and
he hasn't ever asked again, I have been scared to remind him,
sure that he has decided he'd rather be with Mayson. I'd rather
make that guess than find out for sure.

Clark's responding laugh fills the room. "'Mayson is a great
girl'? What did you do with Lois Lane?"

"Okay," I admit with a smile. "She's not my favorite person.
That doesn't mean I can't see that she has a lot going for
her."

"Still," Clark replies, "you don't need a list when only one
person's attracted to you."

"What if someone else was?" I ask, trying to keep my tone
light.

"You know of someone?" Clark asks. His voice, like mine, is
light, but I can see the question in his eyes.

"No," I say, maybe a little too quickly. "This is a
hypothetical question. So, what would be on Miss Drake's list?
The fact that her hair color comes from a bottle?" I ask with a
laugh, hoping to keep the conversation on this light, joking,
clearly hypothetical note.

"Lois," Clark replies, with a slight note of warning in his
voice.

"The fact that she's pushy?" I add, ignoring his warning.
"The annoying way she clings to you?"

"Lois," Clark warns me again, but this time I can hear the
underlying laughter in his words.

"Come on, Clark," I goad him. Just one bad thing -- I want to
hear him make one disparaging remark about her. I know it's
asking a lot for Clark, but I think I'd feel so much better if
he admits she isn't perfect. "Just name one thing, Clark."

Clark shakes his head, still smiling at me. "I'm not playing
this game, Lois. It's not nice."

I roll my eyes at him. "Do you have to be nice all the time?"

"Lois," Clark says, his tone serious now, "I don't need a
list. Even if there was someone else for me to choose from, which
there isn't, I'm not interested in Mayson."

"You're not?" This admission knocks my joking tone away. He
isn't interested in Mayson?

"No," Clark tells me. "I just... Well, I've never been very
good at telling someone so. I don't want to hurt her feelings. I
like Mayson; I just don't want to date her."

"Oh," I say, not sure where to go from here without the joy I
feel escaping into my voice. And there is no reason for it to.
Just because Clark isn't interested in Mayson doesn't mean he
is interested in me. I am still the girl who shot him down six
months ago. That would be enough to kill any crush.

I turn back to the television, trying to indicate that the
conversation is over. I see Clark looking at me closely before he
gives up and turns towards the television also.

We watch in silence for a few moments, punctuated with a few
giggles while Monica shows her recipe ideas to the mocolate guy
before the episode goes to a commercial break.

"What about you?" Clark asks, his voice soft.

"Hmmm?"

"Would you ever put together a list?" he asks.

"I didn't realize I had a need to," I reply, trying once again
to keep my voice light. The soft, serious tone to his voice is
making me nervous.

"Well, maybe you don't," Clark says. "But you have in the
past."

"I have?" I ask. This is news to me.

"How about last year? Superman and Lex?" he says, sticking to
his serious tone as he turns back to look at me.

"No contest," I tell him. "Superman wasn't interested. He
made that pretty clear." For some reason, this makes Clark
blush.

"But before that," Clark says. "Clearly you hadn't known that
was the case. I mean when you asked me to tell him that you
wanted to talk to him..." he trails off and I wish I could find
a way to change the subject. I hate even thinking of that moment
-- of how self-absorbed I'd been to ask Clark to do that right
on the heels of his admission. "You must have thought there was
a chance."

"Not really," I admit. "I think I was just looking for a
reason not to say yes to Lex."

"But?" Clark looks confused. "If you were just looking for a
reason to say no, why... I mean, when I..."

I can feel myself blush when Clark trails off. Okay, score two
for self-absorbed. While my answer is truthful, I hadn't
considered how it would sound. But how to tell him how stupid
I'd been back then without letting him in on my current
thoughts?

"Forget it..." Clark mumbles, turning once again to the
television, and staring at a Bounty paper towel commercial as if
it is the most fascinating thing in the world.

"I didn't mean that the way it sounded, Clark," I say, wanting
desperately to wipe the look off his face. I guess it doesn't
matter how he feels now -- it isn't any fun to hear me say I had
never even considered his admission of love as a reason to say no
to Lex.

"It's okay, Lois," he says. "I understand. You couldn't say
no to Luthor for an ordinary guy."

Even from the side, I can see that he does understand. Or thinks
he does. The truth is I doubt he could, since I barely understand
it myself.

"You're far from ordinary, Clark," I say instead.

Clark gives a shallow laugh in response as if to end the
conversation. It's even good enough that I imagine it would fool
someone else into thinking he thought I was joking and had
imagined the entire conversation was one big joke. But not me. I
know him too well. He's hurting. I shake my head at my
insensitivity. How could I have said that? And did I really think
that one nice thing was going to erase my earlier words? But
something about the way Clark continues to stare at the
television makes me think I should just cut my losses this time.

A moment later, though, I laugh. "Can you imagine?" I ask him.
"If I *had* put together a list? Under Lex it would have said
'A little too charming. Is a bit creepy. May be sleeping with
his personal assistant. Biggest crime boss in the history of
Metropolis.'" I dissolve into giggles, and to my relief, Clark
joins in.

The episode ends a few moments later and Clark shuts off the
television. "Tea?" he asks me as he gets up.

"Sure," I say sitting back on the couch.

"Clark?" I call into the kitchen, barely believing I'm doing
this. Why can't I leave well enough alone? Why do I have this
incessant need to know?

"Yeah?"

"If, completely hypothetically of course, you were to write a
list about..." I take a deep breath, half hoping the earth will
open up and swallow me whole before I finish my question.
"...me, what would you say?"

Clark's head appears at the entranceway between the living room
and the kitchen, and while I can't be sure what he is thinking,
I hasten to add again, "Hypothetically, of course."

Clark smiles, and I wish I could see his eyes from where I'm
sitting. "Unwilling to let me lead our byline," he says, and I
have to smile in response to that. "Gets herself into trouble so
much, she's a danger to my health."

"Hey!" I say, laughing. "How am I a danger to *your* health? I
don't usually take you with me." I push the memory of the
gambling club to the back of my mind.

The smile disappears from Clark's face. "I worry about you,"
he says simply. "That something will happen to you and I won't
be around to protect you."

I want to tell him that I can take care of myself, but the truth
is that I am touched by this admission. I *can* take care of
myself, but I like the idea that Clark wants to protect me.

"I know you have Superman to do that," Clark adds, looking
nervous, "but sometimes..."

"I guess I can never have too many protectors," I say with a
smile. "I do get myself into a lot of trouble."

Clark smiles, the unease leaving his eyes as he goes back into
the kitchen. He comes out again a few minutes later with two cups
of tea.

"So, what else?" I ask as I take one of the cups.

"What else what?" Clark asks and I get the feeling he knows
what I'm talking about, but is trying to change the subject.

"What else would be on your list about me?"

"Has the persistence of a pitbull?" Clark suggests.

"Very funny," I grouse.

"What about you? What would be on a list about me?" Clark asks,
then smiles. "Although, let me start -- 'naïve, has a tendency
to run off, kind of a goody-two-shoes...'"

"Kind of?" I interrupt and Clark laughs. "And don't change
the subject. We were still talking about your list for me."

"Can we move to the pros?" he asks.

"Ross never did any pros," I point out. Of course, I want to
hear the pros, but I also want to know honest answers to the
cons. What is the reason that Clark has never asked me out again
after our almost first date? I had been sure it had to do with
Mayson, but if it isn't, and now it sounded like it isn't, than
what is it?

"I don't have any other cons," Clark says, looking distinctly
embarrassed.

"Most of the ones you made earlier were said in jest," I point
out.

"I know," Clark says quietly, his eyes dropping to the couch.

"So then..." I trail off. I almost slipped and actually asked
the question straight out. For a moment I fear that he is going
to call me on it -- ask what I had been about to say, but still
looking uncomfortable, he doesn't. Instead, he leans over and
turns the television back on.

"Seinfeld?" he asks, motioning to the television.

"Sure," I nod. I wonder if I'll ever have the nerve to ask him
why he hasn't asked me out again. I wonder if maybe he will ask
me out again. And then I decide to scoot closer to Clark and
wonder about Jerry Seinfeld's fake life rather than my real one.
At least for tonight.

THE END