By Saskia <>

Rated: G

Submitted: April 2008

Summary: Ellen Lane interferes a bit too much in their upcoming wedding, and Lois and Clark are trying to find a way to stop her.

This story came to be after a little incident. Someone convinced me this would make a great story. It might have taken me a while, but here it finally is. It's set somewhere in season 3.

Much thanks go to Brucie, who BRd this and provided me with such great comments that I nearly dropped off the couch laughing. Also, many thanks to Lara, who saved me from lots of embarrassing mistakes and who laughed in all the right places. Lastly, thanks to Jana, for answering a few stupid questions, even though she had no idea what it was about.


<So thanks to the help of the neighbourhood, the old and beloved retirement home will still be open for some years to come. >

As Clark typed the last sentence of his article, he smiled at the screen. He was glad that the place would still be around. A little bit of meddling from Superman and an uproar from the neighbourhood had done a lot of good. Tearing down such a landmark in the city's history was unthinkable. It reminded him of his very first story for the Planet, nearly three years ago now. People weren't as indifferent to these things as they tried to make you believe.

He quickly read over the story once more before sending it over to Perry. The afternoon was still young, and all his stories were either written up, or needed more time. Turning around, he glanced over at Lois to see what she was up to. Perhaps he could give her a hand, or maybe she had a lead for the great Lane and Kent team.

She was on the phone, and it didn't appear to be a nice conversation. Whoever was on the receiving end had hit a sensitive spot with his fiancée. She was making wild gestures, and her tone of voice indicated great annoyance. <Must be some story,> Clark thought as he sat down on his favourite spot on her desk.

Her head shot up as she became aware of his presence, and Clark raised an eyebrow in question. Her only reply was a shake of her head and some gesture that he took to mean as 'be quiet'.

"No, we can decide that perfectly on our own, Mother! Besides, don't you think that's a *little* bit much for a small wedding?"

Clark couldn't help but smile at that. Ellen Lane just didn't know when to stop where their wedding was concerned. He could understand her, she was only trying to make up for all the lost time and hard feelings, but even he felt she needed to let them decide how their wedding was going to be.

"We'll talk about that later. I have work to do. Bye!" Without waiting for a response, Lois threw the phone down. "Can you believe her? Now she's calling me at work to tell me about all her great ideas. Apparently, we need at least a hundred guests so it'll be cheaper to have special napkins made! What's wrong with napkins from a restaurant? Or paper napkins? Or better yet, no napkins at all!"

She was beyond annoyed, that much was obvious. It wasn't just her rant, it was her entire composure. Fire nearly seemed to shoot from her eyes. This was not a conversation Clark wanted to have in the newsroom. So he grabbed her by the elbow as he said, "Come on, let's go take a walk."


His arm was drawn about her shoulders so he could keep her close to him. It was also an attempt to help Lois relax, but he was failing in that area. Once they were well out of range of the Planet, she started off again.

"Really, Clark, she's driving me insane! If it's not napkins, it's something else. Guest lists. Doves. Colouring. And I think I've forgotten all the rest she talked me into last night. This is *not* how I imagined our wedding!"

That made two of them. They really needed to find a way to stop her. He hated to see Lois so wound up about this. A little bit of stress was to be expected with the wedding preparations, but this went beyond anything he'd imagined. Or ever felt before. The fact that it was her mother would only make it worse for Lois.

He tried to keep his voice neutral as he replied. "I know. I'm not too happy about her meddling either."

"Really?" She sounded surprised.

He could be the easy-going guy, but he wasn't *that* easy. Especially not where Ellen Lane was concerned! He had thought of a one way trip to the other side of the world with Ellen at the rate she was going. It may just buy them some time... But he couldn't. Not really. However, they could opt for the next best thing.

"Really. Maybe it's time we tell her so."

He pulled her a little closer to his side, his hand dropping to her waist. This was their wedding, after all; the beginning of their lives together. While he wanted it to be perfect, it didn't have to be this grand scheme his future mother-in-law was planning for them. They just needed to speak up. It was what they did on a daily basis. Heck, it was what earned them their pay checks. How hard could it be?

"Be my guest, Clark."

Sarcasm? He rolled his eyes at her. "Why do I have to be the one to tell her? She's your mother." That sounded more defensive than he'd intended.

"That's not what I meant." She swatted him on the arm. "Telling her will be bad. Even if we do it together, breaking it very gently, she'll flip. Being an ex-alcoholic will do that to her."


But she had a point. Maybe they should go for option one after all. "So then what do you suggest?"

He didn't catch her response, as his attention was suddenly drawn by a female voice shrieking loudly not that far away.

Lois must have noticed his far off look and the tenseness in his body, for she'd stopped walking and whispered a soft 'what?' to him.

"I just heard a scream, not far from here, but I can't tell what the problem is," he explained quietly.

"What are you waiting for, then? Go!" She practically pushed him on his way.

"Wait here, I'll be right back," he shouted to her over his shoulder, already running away and looking for the nearest alley to duck away into.


When he flew over the place where he'd left Lois, there was no sign of her there anymore. She wasn't at the Planet, or at her apartment or his. Wondering where she could have wandered off to, he concentrated on her heartbeat and voice. A smile tugged at his lips when he located her near the fountain in Centennial Park.

A quick flight and a spin later, and he was jogging up to her.

"Hey," he said as he slid down next to her.

"Hey yourself." She smiled at him. "That was a quick rescue."

"Yeah, turned out to be a spider incident," he replied matter-of-factly.

She turned towards him with a surprised look in her eyes. "You did what?"

"The woman I heard, turned out she was afraid of spiders and she'd just spotted a large and ugly one while cleaning her home," he offered as a means of explanation.

Lois' eyes showed recognition. "You mean she's an arachnophobe?"


"Do you respond to such screams often?" she inquired.

"From time to time. I can't always know why someone's screaming. If it sounds desperate enough, I'll go and see what's up. I don't mind helping out. I believe them to be very useful to nature. Even if the spider turned out to be poisonous, it wouldn't matter to me. It's the gratitude people have for such rescues that make them worthwhile."

"Yeah, I bet. My hero, the spider catcher." She dropped her head on his shoulder after her teasing remark.

"It never really occurred to me, but are you scared of spiders?" he suddenly asked her.

She let out a laugh at that. "No, not me. My mother and Lucy are, though. I got to take them out ever since I was little. I used to tease Lucy about it while singing Little Miss Muffet."

"I bet that really helped to ease her fear." He gave her a wink before changing the subject. "Did you know that this phobia first started in Northern and Central Europe where there aren't even poisonous spiders around?"

"Really? Wow, Clark, you keep amazing me with all that useless trivia."

"Hey, it's not useless. I can amuse you with my vast knowledge," he teased her back.

"I have an idea," she suddenly said as she stood up. The way her eyes glistened told him there was trouble ahead.

"Oh?" he gently probed.

"Yep. Mother said we needed to come up with ideas for the wedding, right?"

He didn't know where she was headed with this sudden topic change, or what that idea could possibly be. One thing he knew for sure, though, was that her mother would be in for a shock.

"Eh, yeah?" he stated noncommittally, waiting for the worst. Her illogical leaps still amazed him.

With an evil gleam, she announced her plan. "Our departure gifts at the wedding are going to be little boxes with spiders in them."


Little Miss Muffet is apparently an old children's song. I found it while doing some research on arachnophobia. The lyrics:

{*Little Miss Muffet

Sat on a tuffet,

Eating her curds and whey.

Along came a spider

Who sat down beside her

And frightened Miss Muffet away.*}