By Mary Potts AKA Queen of the Capes <queenofthecapes@gmail.com>
Rated: G
Submitted: March 2005
Summary: This horrendous next-gen story of romance is sure to warp your mind, make your Betas scream and make your English professors commit suicide! Rated G for "Gah! Hand me the knife!"
WARNING: What follows is a Badfic. There is a serious broken-brain hazard. Proceed with extreme caution, and remember—you were warned!
Note from Archive EIC: Because badfic necessarily contains deliberate mistakes in presentation, this story has not been edited before upload.
***
Once apon a time there was a city caalled Metropolis. Metropolis is a really big city, like Gotham City. Gotham City is right next to Metropolis and they have a superhero to (cuz Metropolis has a superhero: Superman) and their superhero is Batman and sometimes Batman and Superman work together even though Batman doesn't have any powers. But Batman is still really cool and he fights the Joker and the other baddies that run around in Gotham. Superman is really Clark Kent. Clark Kent lives in Metropolis, but originally he's from smallville Kansas.
Actually, Superman (Clark Kent) Is originally from Krypton, where his name is KalEL. But Krypton exploded when he was just a baby, so nobody calls him that anymore. (He didn't explode becaues he was sent in a rocket to Kansas).
Clark Kent is a reporter for the Daily Plamet, and he lives in an apartment in Metropolis wiht his wife and there twentythree children. This is a story, about how there oldest son CJ (which his short for Clark Junior) got married to his girlfriend, who was really an Amazon but he doesn't knowe that. CJ is a superhero just like his Dad, Superman only he calls himself Superman Jr. and he wheres a blue suit with red boots and a red cape and red trunks and a belt and a yellow sheild with red outline and the letters SJr in the middle. CJ looks just like his Dad, but his has mother's eyes and Lois' personality. All of Lois and Clark's eighteen children look like a mix of Lois and Clark, except for there daught valerie whois eight years old and loves to sing and looks exacty like Lois so much that even Uncle Perry (That's Perry White the editor of the daily plannet where Lois and Clark work) said that she looks exacly like Lois did at that age. Valerie loves to collect bottlecaps and she's very cute and likes jokes and she gets along with all of her nineteen brothers and sisters except for Jamie, because he eats bugs and would always put sticky things in her hair.
One day Lois and Clark wore werking at the Daily Plaet (which is where they work because they are reporters for the dailuy plant) when suddenly CJ called them up because he wanted them to meet his girlfriend, Asira Jelena Nafroosita Smith because he was going to marry her. Lois and Clark liked Asira Jelena Nafroosita Smith alot, she was very very beautiful with long black hair that came down to her feet and shining blue eyes and a brilliant smile and a musical laugh that made everyone happy and Lois and Clark new that she was just perfect for there son and that she was his solemate and so when he said he was going to marry her, Lois and Clark got up and jumped for joy!
Jimmy Olson, who is the photographer/copyboy/junior reporter/assistant janitor at the daiy plnet saw Lois and Clark jumping for joy and asked them "why are you jumping for joy?" and they said "we are jumping for joy because CJ is going to ask Asira Jelena Nafroosita Smith to marry him!" then Jimmy jumped for joy to because he like Asira Jelena Nafroosita Smith to on acount of she was very pretty and smart and had all kinds of degrees and could sing and dance enchantingly, and her green eyes always lit up prettily when she smiled sweetly with her ruby red lips. Jimmy new that she was perfect for CJ and that she was his solemate and that they would be happy foerever! Jimmy was like an uncle to Lois and Clark's twentyfour children and he liked CJ alot, even though CJ was not his favorite. Jimmy's favortite was John, who was 12 years old and liked science and was really smart so smart that he was going to college even though he was only eleven and all his proffesors liked him and talked about how smart he was. "I am glad CJ is marrying Asira Jelena Nafroosita Smith!" said jimmy.
Then Perry White came out of his office to yell at Ralph and when he saw Lois and Clark and Jimmy jumping for joy he said "why are you all jumping for joy" and they said "because CJ is going to marry Asira Jelena Nafroosita Smith and then Perry started jumping for joy to because he love Asira Jelena Nafroosita Smith like the daughter he never had and she was really beautiful and smart and funny and she was always taking care of small animals so he said "its about time" because he new that Asira Jelena Nafroosita Smith was perfect for CJ and that she was his solemate and they would get married and have five children and be happy forever! And Perry was happy because he liked CJ alot even though CJ was not his favorite of Lois and CLarks 17 kids, his favorite was Ann who was seven years old and like soccer and wanted to be a balerina when she grew up. Then Perry said "Jimmy, go take these photos down to the dark room" and Jimmy said "yes sir" because Perry White was his boss and he worked at the daily plante.
That night Lois and Clark went home to their apartment (which is called a flat if you live in England, but they dont because Metropolis is supposed to be in America even though nobody nos where it is because its made up and one of the guys who made it up is from canada which is like england only with more french) and they sat at the dinner table with their twentyone children and CJ and Asira Jelena Nafroosita Smith. Lois made a special dinner because she learned how to cook when she was pregnant with Carrie who is now fifteen years old and her favorite color is purple and she likes butterscotch and crysthanthemums and she liked Asira Jelena Nafroosita Smith to because she was really pretty and always played fun games with Carrie like Monopoly and scrabble and she never cheated and after dinner, CJ got down on one knee and said "Asira Jelena Nafroosita Smith, will you marry me and make me the happiest man in the world?" Then Clark coughed and he said "okay, the second happiest?" And Asira Jelena Nafroosita Smith batted her beautiful black eyes and said "Yes CJ, I love you so I will!" Then everybody got up and jumped for joy.
But then CJ said "Sweetheart, I have something to tell you: I'm really Superman Jr!" and he spun into his Superman Jr costume "and Dad is really Superman" and Clark spun into his superman costume "and Mom used to be Ultrawoman" but Lois didn't spin into a costume because that was a long time ago in season 3 and she didn't have any powers. So Asira Jelena Nafroosita Smith's jaw hit the floor and then she said CJ "I have something to tell you to: I am really an Amazon and wonder woman is my sister" then she lifted up the table with all the food and snapped in too two show how strong she was and that she wasn't kidding so then she said "do you still love me?" And CJ said "How could I not love you, Asira Jelena Nafroosita Smith? You are beautiful and perfect and you are my solemat, and we will get married and have five superchildren and live happily forever and ever!" Then he said "Will you still marry me even though I am Superman Jr?"
And she said "Yes! Because I love you and you are my solemate!" Then everyone got up and jumped for joy around the broken table.
The merciful End