By Tank Wilson tankw1@aol.com
Rated: PG
Submitted: January 2005
Summary: Lois receives some shocking news from her mother in this humorous vignette. But are things really as bad as she thinks?
This one is a little out there but I hope you can have fun with it.
***
"She did it to me again! Why would she wait all these years to tell me? Why tell me at all! I swear that woman is trying to drive me insane!"
Clark looked up at his manic wife as Lois tossed her bag in one direction and her wrap in the other, neither item coming close to the mark.
"Have a pleasant chat with your mother, Lois?"
Lois glared at him.
"You know she's trying to drive me insane, don't you! You won't believe the latest bombshell she dropped on me!" Lois continued to pace about the floor, waving her arms about and nearly knocking over a vase and two lamps. Luckily, a little applied superspeed saved the last vase. Lois stopped when she realized that Clark was resetting furniture she had dislodged. "Well, you won't!"
She stared at him as if daring him to contradict her. Clark knew better and instead wrapped her in his arms and guided her back to the couch.
"Okay, tell me about it. What did your mother tell you this time to get you so worked up."
Lois escaped from Clark's embrace and resumed her pacing.
"Well, it started out innocent enough. We had a pleasant lunch at Santorini and kept the talk fairly small. Eventually, it came around to family and such and I thought 'here it comes' the old grandchildren spiel, but no, she threw me one heck of a curve." Lois barely paused for a breath. "She suddenly got all misty and told me that she was so proud of me, as proud as if I were her very own daughter."
"What?!" Clark wasn't sure he'd heard her right.
"That's right! Not the product of her loins." Lois had stopped to emphasize her point but now continued to pace. "After all these years, she decides to tell me now. I swear that woman is trying to drive me insane!" Lois flopped herself down on the couch next to her husband. "Maybe she's already succeeded." Lois looked up at him. "Clark, what am I going to do?
Laughing softly, Clark pulled Lois to him. Her head lay against his chest as he stroked her hair.
"Lois, take it from me, being adopted isn't so bad." She pulled back so she could see his eyes, a frown tugging the corners of her mouth.
"You know, I could take that just fine. No, it seems that your loving wife is actually just another illegitimate child of that randy stud Dr. Sam Lane." Her anger suddenly dissolved and she pressed her face into Clark's chest and began to weep softly.
Clark let her cry for a few minutes, content to just stroke her hair and her back, occasionally planting quick, light kisses on her head.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
She just shook her head, not looking up. Her voice was muffled by his shirt. "No, I'm too embarrassed."
Clark sighed and pulled Lois up to face him.
"Lois Lane, you are acting like a child." His words were tough but his voice was gentle. "First of all, there is no reason to think that, after all this time, anyone will find out. Is there?" She just shrugged. "And even if it were public knowledge, do you think for one minute it would make one iota of difference to me or any of your friends?" She frowned. "Do you think I will love you less because your father wasn't married to your mother? Do you?"
"No." Her lower lip was thrust out in a sad pout as she stared at his belt instead of his face. "It's just that…" Clark placed his finger to her lips and tilted her head to him as he kissed the place his finger had just occupied.
"No more talk. No more worrying about what's past is past." Clark raised his eyebrow in the direction of the stairs to the bedroom. "Besides, I can think of a better way to spend the rest of the afternoon." Her only answer was an ever widening smile.
***
A few weeks later, Lois and Clark were at his folks for dinner. They were all helping set the table and Lois, much more comfortable with the revelation now, was telling Jon and Martha about her mother's bombshell.
"…it seems that there was this pretty little nurse's aid named Betsy Clark my father took a shine to…Martha!"
Martha Kent had dropped the bowl of mashed potatoes she had been carrying and was staring at Lois in shock. Lois rushed over and helped Martha to a chair. Jonathan and Clark hovered nearby with concerned looks on their faces.
"When my family moved out here in the mid-sixties, my younger sister Elizabeth stayed back east. Told us she had a job in Metropolis at Metro General." Martha seemed to be talking to no one in particular. Everyone had found seats and were just listening. "Did you know, Lois, that we named Clark after my maiden name? I was Martha Clark before I married Jonathan."
Lois started to squirm in her chair. She didn't like where this was going. Martha continued.
"She wrote us that she had gotten pregnant but didn't give us any details. Later she came home, telling us she had lost the baby. She never seemed to get over the loss, she always seemed so sad. Finally one day, a couple years later, she joined the Peace Corps and headed over to the jungles of South America. She wrote us letters fairly regularly for the first few months. Then they got more infrequent until we didn't hear from her any more. Never heard from, or saw her ever again." Martha's eyes finally found their focus on Lois. "She had my dad's darker coloring. A lot like yours, Lois." A smile crept slowly over Martha's lips. Jonathan was chuckling softly and shaking his head. Clark seemed lost. "She always hated the name Elizabeth, didn't like Liz either. She preferred to be called Betsy."
"Oh my god!"
Lois leapt up from her chair and ran up the stairs. They heard the door to Clark's room slam shut. Clark looked helplessly at his parents. Jonathan smiled and put his hand on Clark's shoulder.
"Don't you think you'd better go up there and check on your cousin?"
As Clark went up the stairs he could hear his parents' soft laughter. He approached the door and slowly pushed it open.
"Lois? Are you all right?"
She was sitting on the edge of the bed, holding a framed copy of their wedding photo in her hands. She was running her fingers over the tall good-looking guy to the one side of the photo. She looked up as he came in.
"It's all over now, you know. The love I thought I'd never find, I've found only to have it taken away again."
"Lois, what are you talking about?"
"Clark, don't you get it?" She was becoming more animated. "We're cousins! Worst yet, we're *first* cousins! We are not some backwoods hillbillys cut off from normal civilization. Cousins don't marry cousins!" She was standing in front of Clark. Her faced darkened when Clark started laughing. "I don't see how this is funny!"
Clark held Lois by the arms and directed her to sit on the bed. He sat down next to her.
"Lois, we are not cousins."
"You heard what your mother said. Her sister is *my* mother."
"Are you forgetting that I'm not originally from around here. I'm adopted remember."
"Oh yeah, I keep forgetting that." She blushed and smiled sheepishly. Suddenly she got a horrified look on her face. "But people won't know that! They'll think that we're some kind of degenerates, cousins marrying."
"Lois, think about it. You're married to an alien from another planet. Are you really worried about people thinking you're married to your cousin?' He ran his hand along her jawline.
She gave him a small smile.
"Well since you put it that way, I guess not."
"Besides, the more I think about it the more I like the idea of you being mom's niece." Lois shot Clark a puzzled look. "Well, you know I think the world of my folks even if they aren't my biological parents. If we should happen to have some kids and raise a family it made me a little sad to think that there would be no piece of these two wonderful people in our children." Lois reached up and stroked his face. He kissed her hand briefly. "Now, at least there will be some genetic material from my mother's side of the family in any kids we might have."
He placed his arms around her and stared deep into her magnificent eyes.
"Once again, Lois Lane comes to my rescue. What would I ever do without you?"
"I don't ever intend to let you find out."
She pushed him down onto the bed and climbed up onto his chest. Their eyes met, then their lips.
(Fade to Black)
THE END
I'm not sure if the TV show ever established how Martha and Jonathan explained the baby Kal-el but I know that in the comic book continuity Clark was supposed to have been born during a huge snow storm that kept the Kents from getting into town or a hospital for several weeks and that Clark was born on the farm. In order for Lois to be worried about the cousin thing she has to think that the world believes Martha and Jonathan are Clark's actual parents. In fact she has to have believed it long enough herself to occasionally forget.
Tank
I'm not sure, but I think there has already been a fanfic titled "Kissing Cousins" but I thought it quite appropriate in this case. I did check the archives, and didn't find a listing for Kissing Cousins, so I guess if I decide to send this to the archives also I'll be able to keep my title.