By Raquel Guimaraes <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Submitted: November 2004
Summary: Lois' senses are heightened after she has been frozen in order to save Clark's parents, and she makes a connection between Clark and Superman that she hadn't realized was there before. This story is set during And The Answer Is…
This is a little fic that I wrote and that I hope you will enjoy. The story is set during the episode And the Answer Is after Superman froze Lois.
I need to thank my wonderful BR, Tim Porter who helped me so much with this that I don't have words to thank him enough. He helped me to make my writing better and for that I'm extremely thankful. You're a great BR, Tim! :) You made everything possible! :)
I would also like to thank my GE, Larissa Kaye, for putting all the commas Tim and I missed ;) Thanks a lot!
Dedicated to all FoLCs out there but especially to my wonderful boyfriend who makes me a better person everyday. I love you, honey!
DISCLAIMER: The principal characters and concepts in this story were taken from the "Lois & Clark" series and are therefore the rightful property of DC Comics, December 3 Productions and WB. The story itself is mine.
Any criticism is very welcome.
Lois had survived. She sat on the couch staring at her empty apartment where minutes before Superman had delivered her after her near death experience. She had almost died today. Lois didn't think Clark could mean so much to her that she could risk her life for him… her life… for Clark's parents… for Clark. She was so confused, especially after what she discovered today. Dangling over the jaws of death changed her somehow, she could feel and see everything so much better than before. Of course she would do anything for Clark… even now… even after… She didn't want to think about that now; she was tired and desperately needed rest. She would think about it later, after she woke up.
Lois stood up and decided a long hot shower was what she needed to rest; she was feeling so cold and not just because Superman had frozen her earlier. Her heart was still beating fast, but she was so cold inside, as if there weren't any blood running through her veins.
Entering the bathroom, Lois looked at herself in the mirror. <Lane, you're a mess!> She turned away from the mirror and slowly removed her clothes, her fingers fumbling with the buttons on her blouse. How could such a simple task be so difficult to do? Lois felt as if there was a huge weight on her shoulders and was so confused about everything that had happened to her in the last two years. She stepped inside the shower and let the hot water run over her body, hoping that all the gods above would help her get a grip on her feelings and figure out how she was going to handle what she had discovered today. She needed rest first; she kept reminding herself… although she had never felt less like sleeping.
She stepped out of the shower and reached for her fluffy comforting robe and saw her reflected image in the mirror; she was still a mess even after her long shower, there were dark rings under her eyes and she was very pale. How much of that was because of her near death experience and how much of that was about that other thing? Lois didn't know the answer to that.
Lois walked slowly into her bedroom and curled up on the bed where she tried desperately to fall asleep. Some minutes later, though, she was crying. Why was she crying, for God's sake? <Clark lied to me!> Yeah, sure Clark had lied to her. She never thought he could do that; she never thought he could be someone like Claude or Lex or her father… but he lied to her just the same. What was worse was she was falling in love with him. She let her defenses go down and she allowed him to take her heart. She was in love with him. She…loved him. What was she going to do now? She couldn't love someone who had deceived her, someone who had lied to her on a daily basis ever since they met, someone who… saved her life today and every other day. No, no, she wasn't going there! She was mad and hurt. Tears kept falling down her face. Why was she feeling so miserable? <Because you still love him, Lois. You love the way he looks at you as if you were the most precious thing on Earth, the way he smiles at you, the way he is always there for you when you need someone to talk to and definitely the way he touches you> The way he touches her… Lois cried even more, remembering what his touch did to her today. Before today she loved his touch. She loved the way he touched her cheek, leaving her feeling warm inside, feeling loved. Clark had touched her lots of times in the past… Superman, too, but she never realized that the touch was the same. Clark touched her when they were talking outside his apartment. Superman had touched her before freezing her. Just the same… She was so stupid! She told Superman to tell Clark that she loved him! How could she be so galactically stupid? It was all in his touch and she never noticed that before today.
She needed to do something and she needed to do it right now. Things couldn't wait until morning when she would have rationalized everything away and would fall for whatever excuse Clark would give her. She needed to talk to him now! Now, when she was angry and hurt enough to tell him what she really thought about him. She jumped out of bed, threw on a pair of pants and a sweater and ran towards the door.
"What am I doing here?" Lois whispered to herself some minutes later. She was outside Clark's apartment and couldn't find the nerve to just get out of the car and face her boyfr… partner. She was definitely not acting like Lois Lane now. She should just knock on his door; shout at him, telling him how angry she was that he didn't trust her and that he should just get out of her life forever. Except that she didn't want him to get out of her life forever. She would miss him terribly if he did. It would be even more painful than the day she thought he had died… OH, MY GOD! He couldn't have died that day! He was… Oh, God! She was really, really angry now. Lois got out of the car and furiously pounded on Clark's door.
"She could have died today," Clark murmured. He should be used to Lois putting herself in life or death situations but it was different this time. She had almost died trying to protect his parents; she had almost died without knowing everything about him.
"If anything happens, tell Clark that I love him." She had said that to Superman except that she was saying it to Clark too, but she didn't know that. She loved him. As much as that thought made him feel warm and happy inside, there was a cold feeling nagging at him. Would she love him when she found out who he really was? How much he had lied to her all this time? He needed to tell her soon, but how? She was probably in bed right now, still sick because of all she went through today… actually, yesterday, since it was past two in the morning.
He knew what he felt when he made her breath again. Her cold lips on his and the realization that he could have lost her forever made him feel dizzy. His heart was beating fast when he took her in his arms and flew her to her apartment. She hadn't said a word during the flight. He thought it was because she was tired, but then when they arrived in her apartment Lois behaved in an odd manner, she barely whispered a "thank you" without even looking into his eyes. He told her to rest and take some vitamins before kissing her forehead. Clark had never seen her so pale but there was something else in her eyes; she had almost taken a step backwards when he kissed her, as if she didn't want him to touch her. Clark knew that she was probably still shocked by what had happened. She wasn't acting like herself because she was still in shock, and, besides, it was a bad move on his part since he was there as Superman, not as Clark. He smiled at her and flew towards her window. He still had to take his parents back to Smallville, after all.
What was he going to do now? He had to tell her about Superman as soon as possible. No more time could be wasted because he realized today just how close he had come to losing her forever. He had to tell her everything, and hopefully she would still love him afterwards. He loved Lois so much and had been in love with her ever since the day she stormed into his interview with Perry… and finally he knew she was in love with him as well. There were no more excuses he could give himself for not telling her his secret. She was in love with Clark, not Superman. She had risked her life because she knew how much he loved his parents and she showed him she would do anything for him. It was time to show her he trusted her with his life, too. It wasn't going to be easy but he knew he should do that. She deserved to know; she deserved his trust.
Clark was too worried to sleep so he just lay on his couch thinking about Lois and about what he was going to do later in the morning. He was nervous and impatient but he knew he had to wait until morning; Lois needed to sleep well tonight because tomorrow wasn't going to be easy for either of them. He had to fight the urge to just fly to her apartment and tell her everything right now. Clark was interrupted from his internal debate by a loud and insistent knock on his door, and to his surprise… it was Lois.
"Lois, what are you doing here?" Clark asked when he answered the door. She was looking worse than when he left her apartment earlier that night.
"I think we need to talk," she replied coolly before noticing his attire… and his bare chest. <Oh, God, why did he have to answer the door wearing just his boxers and an open flannel shirt?>
"Well, come on in. I wasn't expecting a visit at this time… I'll go change," he replied, wondering what Lois wanted since she didn't appear to be in the best of moods, even though he had noticed a flicker of… something, in her eyes when she first saw him.
"Okay. I'll wait," she responded slowly, trying very hard not to think about Clark's bare chest. Walking into his apartment, she sat down on his couch to wait for him as she began to doubt that this had been a good idea.
Clark quickly returned wearing black pants and a fully buttoned shirt. <Thank God!… and darn!> He sat down close to Lois and looked closely at her before asking, "So… Lois, what do you want to talk about?"
"I need to know why you lied to me," Lois chewed on her bottom lip and didn't look at him.
"Lied to you? Lois, what are you talking about?" He was confused by her behavior.
"I know, Clark… I know about you and… Superman." She looked extremely serious now.
Clark looked at her. She was really serious. He didn't know what to say except, "Since when do you know, Lois?"
"When? I thought you'd ask how I know." She wasn't looking at him and that wasn't a good sign.
"Well, I want to know that, too." He simply didn't know what to say. He had spent hours thinking about telling Lois about his secret and then she just came in and blurted it out.
"You both have touched me, Clark. You and Superman. I think being near death made me see things I didn't before. It was like putting on a new pair of glasses, I think."
"Touched you?" Clark didn't believe what he was hearing.
"Yeah… like this." She touched his cheek the way he as both Clark and Superman had done to her so many times since they met each other.
"Oh." He was speechless.
"So I've known since Superman… since you froze me yesterday." She gave him a faint smile.
"How mad are you?" He knew that was a dumb question since he noticed how she was distancing herself from him.
"I've been really mad since then, but that's not important. I didn't come here to tell you how mad I am or how your lies hurt me. I just came here to know why. Why did you lie to me, Clark? Am I that horrible a person that you couldn't trust me at all?" She wasn't acting like she wanted, she just wanted to shout at him and slap him… although that wouldn't hurt him, but it would probably make her feel better.
"Lois, you're not a horrible person and you have to know that I do trust you…"
"Trust me? How can you say that, Clark? How can you say you trust me if you've been lying to me ever since we met?" She was getting really angry now.
"Lois, I did not lie to you. I just told you certain facts to keep you from finding out about certain other facts."
"Oh, and leading me to believe in something that wasn't there in the first place isn't a lie? I really don't know what a lie is then!" She stood up and paced in front of him.
"I was going to tell you, I swear. I just didn't know how. Every time I tried to tell you, something happened." He was looking at her, trying to see if he could make her calm down a little.
"I guess we'll never know that now." Oh, God, she didn't want to cry. She could feel tears in her eyes. She was trying to be strong and not show him how much he hurt her and how much everything affected her.
"Can you just sit down and let me explain everything to you?" he pleaded.
"What's more to explain? You lied to me. You pretended you were two different people. You made me fall all over Superman and then you made me have feelings for you as Clark, too. Didn't you see how much you confused me?"
"Lois, I'm sorry, but I couldn't tell you I was Superman at first because I didn't want you to like me because of my powers and not because I'm Clark."
"That's ridiculous! You are Superman!" she yelled.
"No, Superman is what I can do. Clark is who I am." Clark was getting angry at her accusations. He knew he should have told her his secret earlier but he was trying to explain why he didn't.
"I don't know you anymore, Clark, Superman… whatever. I thought you were the last decent and honest man. I thought I knew you. I thought I could trust you." She was definitely crying now. She turned her back to him, not wanting him to know the effect he had on her.
"You can trust me, Lois. I never wanted to lie to you. If only you knew how difficult it was for me to walk away from you every time we were having an important conversation. How hard it was to see you fall all over Superman and not even notice me… the hack from Nowheresville, the ordinary guy." He was the one yelling and pacing around his living room now.
"Never wanted to lie to me? I've heard that before… They all told me that…" Lois ran towards the door. She needed to escape from there, she needed to breathe… she was feeling suffocated. Clark was just like the others. She was a fool for believing he could be different. He was a man after all.
"I'm not Claude!" Clark yelled and ran after her.
She stopped and felt cold when she heard him saying that name. She had told him about Claude before. Tears were now rolling furiously down her face. She just needed to have enough strength to walk away from him now.
He touched her arm and everything that she was feeling got even more confused. She wanted to just keep walking away from there, but his touch… How could a single touch from him on her arm make her feel so many things? That's why she should just get out of there.
Clark turned her towards him and she knew she had never seen him like that before. His eyes were on fire and he looked angry and hurt. <He was the one who lied to me! How can he be angry and hurt?>
"I'm not Claude! I love you!" he yelled, and kissed her.
Clark didn't know why he did that. Why he kissed her; actually, how he had the courage to do that. Lois would probably never want to talk to him again. He was holding her tight against him and she was… she was responding to his kiss! She was kissing him back as passionately as he was kissing her! Lois had put her arms around his neck and she was pulling him even tighter on her. She moaned and parted her lips as an invitation for him to deepen the kiss, which he was glad to accept. Their tongues danced together while they stumbled clumsily back towards Clark's couch. Clark fell on it and Lois came to land on top of him.
"I could have lost you today," Clark whispered between kisses.
"I'm here, Clark… don't let me run away from you," Lois answered. She was afraid. She was really afraid about her own feelings for Clark. Everything that she had planned on doing today was thrown away as soon as he touched her. She couldn't walk away from him after that. She couldn't just leave. No, he wasn't Claude. He loved her. True, he lied to her, but if she really wanted to be honest she had lied to him lots of times in the past. If she wanted things to work out between them she should forgive him. If their kisses were any indication that she wanted things between them to work out then she had already forgiven him. Oh, she never thought Clark could kiss like that! She was dizzy and breathless and totally overwhelmed.
"Lois…" Clark said.
"Oh, Clark…" Lois kept kissing him and her hands started exploring his muscular chest.
"Lois! We… we need to talk!" Clark stopped her by taking her hands in his.
Lois looked at him. Her eyes were dark and her lips were red from the kisses they had shared and after she remembered what position she was in, she blushed. "Oh… talk… yeah." She was feeling awkward now that their passion had subsided a little. She was still feeling his warm body against her and that was affecting her way too much for her own good. Lois stood up and let Clark sit on the couch, then she sat down beside him.
Clark was amazed how things had changed. They were arguing, yelling at each other in one moment and then they were kissing passionately the next. Yes, they definitely needed to talk about what had just happened. "Lois, I'm sorry… I know you must be mad at me and I didn't have the right to just kiss you like that. I guess I just couldn't let you go out like that."
"Don't be sorry, Clark… I guess I was pretty responsive too." She blushed even more.
"Lois, you have to know I'd never hurt you on purpose. I felt really bad when I had to pretend and lie to you all the time. It wasn't easy for me, especially after what happened yesterday. You could have died without knowing. You could have died and I'd never forgive myself."
"I was the one who wanted to risk my life, Clark. It wouldn't have been your fault if… if something had happened." Lois didn't know why that kiss changed what she was feeling… actually why his touch changed everything. Sure, she was still a little hurt but she wanted to hear him out… she really wanted to listen to him this time.
"But still, it wouldn't change how I'd be feeling, Lois. If you knew how many times I tried to tell you. When you almost got married to Lex, I thought about telling you. I decided it wasn't a good thing, especially after I had told you I loved you as Clark and then you said you didn't feel the same way, just to minutes later tell Superman you were in love with him. Can't you see why I didn't tell you before? I wanted you to love ME, Lois. The guy who works with you every day, the guy who is with you when you need… your best friend. I wanted you to just love me as I am. Superman is just a disguise." He was holding her hands and praying she would understand him after all.
"I told you I'd love you even if you were just an ordinary guy, living an ordinary life… Oh God, I had just turned down that ordinary guy! Clark, I am a horrible person! I don't know why you still put up with me after that!"
"Lois, we both made mistakes. I shouldn't have told you I loved you when you were so confused and when you needed a friend. You're not a horrible person and I put up with you because I love you… I don't know how to stop loving you even when you make me crazy." Clark smiled at Lois and squeezed her hand.
"You must feel so lonely at times…" At Clark's confused expression, she went on. "I mean being Superman, having to hide what you can do from people you like, having to give up things because the world needs you. I think it's not easy for you and I understand now, but you're not alone anymore, Clark. I want things between us to work out. I want to give us a chance even if I'm extremely scared about the prospect of having a relationship with my best friend." She smiled shyly at him.
"If it makes things easier for you, I'm scared, too, but I know that we can make things work out if we try hard enough. I do know I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I know it's a little early to tell you all of these things at once but I want you to know this thing between us is not something I want to be temporary… I want us to be forever."
"Oh, Clark, I'm so stupid, I almost ran away from you just because I let past ghosts haunt me. I do love you too, Clark, and I'm sorry about what I said earlier. You're not like the others and you're definitely not Claude. Claude would have taken things further on this couch a little earlier." She winked at him and she could actually see him blushing.
"So, did we make up?" Clark held his breath.
"Not yet," she answered.
"Not yet?" he asked, puzzled.
She smiled at him and pulled him towards her for a passionate and lovely kiss. After some time she broke the kiss and said, "We're making up now."
Clark laughed and touched her cheek. "You're wonderful, Lois Lane, and I lo…"
Lois put a finger on his lips. "Shsh, no need to tell me that with words. You know when a man loves a woman it is all in his touch," she responded from her heart before she took his hand in hers and gently squeezed. "And I definitely can see and feel how much you love me."
Clark spent several hours that night showing her without words how much he loved her.