By Meredith Knight <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Submitted: May 2004
Summary: Lois's plans for investigating Congressman Harrington hit an unexpected snag.
I never quite believed that the Lexor Hotel staff could fail to recognise Lois-the-obstreperous-bride as the guest who'd stayed alone in the honeymoon suite the previous night. So while I was writing That Honeymoon Feeling, and watching Honeymoon in Metropolis for research purposes, a stray train of thought got out of hand and produced this bit of nonsense. <g>
Disclaimer: The characters and situation are not mine — I'm merely borrowing them for fun, and not for profit. Credit goes to Dan Levine for the first paragraph of dialogue.
Havoc in Metropolis
A B-Plot Untwist
"Lois, think it through," Perry said earnestly. "No hotel's going to sit still for us using it as a base for spy operations. You need a cover. What better cover than honeymooners in the Honeymoon Suite? It's called: keeping a low profile."
He picked up the phone on his desk and dialled. "Lexor Hotel? I'd like to reserve your Honeymoon Suite for a newlywed couple. The next three nights. Yes, I know it's short notice — it was a spur-of-the- moment deci… What's that? The suite is occupied?"
Lois rolled her eyes. "Give me that, Perry! Hello? This is Lois Lane. Yes, the guest in the Honeymoon Suite. I'm cancelling my reservation for the rest of the weekend. Yes, thank you. YES! OK! I'll be round in half an hour to pack my things and pay the check, does that suit you, you pernickety pen-pusher? Geesh!"
She handed the phone back to Perry with a satisfied air. He took it gingerly, shooting an unreadable look at Lois.
"Er… hello? Can I make that reservation now? Yes, that's right, three… Yes, well, Miss La… You won't? Blacklisted?"
Lois gave a growl and reached for the phone again, but Perry fended her off. Clark took her arm and signed at her to calm down, his eyes dancing.
Perry cleared his throat. "Unpleasant attitude… Staff threatening to strike? Oh, no tips. Yes, I see… What's that — malicious damage to property? Phone in the *bath*?"
"That was an accident!" Lois yelled. "Let me speak to him!"
She struggled to release herself from Clark's hold. Perry turned his back and moved away a few steps, plugging his free ear with a finger.
"No, I can quite understand. Of course. But you see, Miss Lane is just the bridesmaid. The bride is a Miss Catherine Grant."
His next few words were drowned by Lois's howl of protest. "Perry! You can't do that to me! It's *my* story!"
Clark picked her up bodily to stop her clawing free of his grip, but it didn't diminish the volume. He considered for a moment, shrugged, and applied his lips to hers. Lois's words became muffled, changed to a shocked gasp, then rapidly gave way to murmurs and moans of pleasure.
Perry removed his finger from his ear. "Sorry about that… Yes, as I was saying — the reservation is in the name of…" He covered the mouthpiece and turned. "Clark, are you…" His mouth fell open at the sight of his top reporting team, now sprawled on his couch in a tight clinch. He looked helplessly around the room, raising his eyebrows at Cat, who was looking extremely chagrined. Then his gaze fell on… "Aha!"
He took his hand off the mouthpiece. "… in the name of Mr Jimmy Olsen and Mrs Catherine Olsen. Thank you."
He hung up and turned to the new partners. Cat was sizing Jimmy up with narrowed eyes; Jimmy seemed to be speechless with pride and excitement.
"Right, you two!" Perry barked. "I want you packed and ready to check in just as soon as these lovebirds here…" He glared at Clark and Lois, whose hands had started to roam. "… have separated, and Lois has checked out."
Jimmy found his voice. "Sure thing, Chief!" he chirped. "I'll go and get my equipment ready. We'll need the biggest and the best for this job!"
Perry glanced involuntarily at Cat, whose face had split into a wide smile. "Sure, Jimmy," she purred. "Just make sure that equipment's in perfect working order."
Jimmy nodded happily and headed for the door.
"Oh, and Jimmy -"
"Get the fire hose, will ya?"
Copyright 2004, Meredith Knight