By Mary Potts, AKA Queen of the Capes <songbirdmary@juno.com>

Rated: PG

Submitted: February 2004

Summary: Young Jerry Kent is caught with contraband material. What will his mother, the formidable Lois Lane, have to say in this amusing vignette?

Someday I'll write a story at a decent hour.

Someday we'll get a politician who tells the truth.


Lois, having finished vacuuming her teenage son's room, shut off the vacuum cleaner and unplugged it. As she wound the cord, though, she noticed something sticking out from under his pillow. Curious as to what it was, she moved the pillow aside.

{No. It can't be!}

Lois stared at the periodical in horror. {No! Not *my* son! He wouldn't read this—this *trash*!—would he?}

She picked it up and stared at it. There was no confusion as to what it was—The pictures on the cover tattled on the contents. She even recognized the name of the publication. Lois' face grew red. {I don't believe this!} "Jerome Clark Kent, get in here this minute!"

Jerry ran upstairs as fast as he could, which was actually pretty fast. One second after his mother called him, he was standing in the doorway.

"Yeah, Mom? What did you—want." He looked at his mother, who was positively fuming, and at the magazine she was holding. He gulped. "Um, you know, Mom, I really have a lot of homework to do so if you need me, I'll be—"

"Not so fast, Buster!" She motioned for him to come further into the room.

Jerry obeyed. "Look, Mom, I—uh, I can explain!"

"Go ahead!" Lois yelled, "Explain! Explain why *my* son is keeping things like *this* in his room! How long has this been going on? How many more of these are there?"

Jerry swallowed. "Mom—"

"After everything your father and I taught you! We try our best to raise you to have values and…and standards! Then you turn around and read things like this? What else are you hiding, Jerry? Drugs?"

"NO! Look, Mom, it's just the one; I swear! There isn't anything else, just that one, and I've only had it since yesterday! Honest!"

Lois' eyes narrowed. "Where did you get it?"

"One of the guys in school had 'em stashed in his backpack. He took them out during study hall and we were all looking at them. He said his dad has a whole box full of them in their basement, and he gave me that one." Jerry hung his head. "I'm sorry, Mom. I'm really sorry!"

"Jerry, I just can't believe it! You *know* how your father and I feel about—" She waved the periodical "— these!" Lois sighed. "You realize I'm going to have to tell your father."

"Oh, Mom, please don't!"

Clark stepped into the room. "What's going on? Tell me what?"

Lois handed Clark the publication. "Look at what your son has been reading."

Clark took the magazine and examined it. He shook his head. "Oh, Jerry. The National Inquirer?"