When Pigs Fly

By Jana L. Officer <4EverLnC@journalist.com>

Rated: G

Submitted: January 2003

Summary: Lois finds out that there are odder things than pigs that fly!

Authors's Note: I just wrote this just for fun, no other purpose! Thanks to Amy and Pearce for all the crazy ideas. This is for Anna, who not only contributed crazy ideas, but beta read this for me. :)

This is set in the first season.

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. I am merely having a little fun with them. :)


"I am never working with Kent again!" Lois' bold statement was defiant, but under her breath. She didn't want to risk Perry hearing and getting angry with her.

"Doesn't seem like you'll have much choice, does it?" Jack grinned at her, a challenge of some sort.

"Yeah, Lois. Perry really seems to like you two as a team." Jimmy paused and laughed, "Hey, you'll get used to it."

"When pigs fly!" Lois seethed. She then turned on her heel and walked off, but not before catching Jimmy's shrug and Jack's wink. They can think what they want, she told herself as she drove home, I'm not working with him anymore. I work alone!


The next morning when Lois arrived at the Planet, everyone already appeared to be busy. She looked over at Clark's desk and saw a steaming cup of coffee, but no Clark. Annoyed, Lois looked for someone who would know where he was.

"Hi, Lois." The voice was unmistakable, it belonged to the Daily Planet's gossip columnist, Cat Grant. Lois turned to face Cat and did an immediate double-take. Cat was dressed in a tasteful pantsuit.

"Cat? Are you feeling okay?"

"What? Oh, you're referring to my attire." Cat smiled nonchalantly. "I know it seems a bit -"

"Unusual?" Lois broke in.

"Eh, restrictive. Actually, I like conservative clothing in theory. I just never had a reason to dress like this."

Lois wasn't fooled. "Unless you're after someone, that is."

"You know?" Cat asked, her eyes widening.

"It's a little obvious."

"Oh," Cat seemed disappointed. "Jimmy and I were hoping to keep it a secret."

"Jimmy?" Lois nearly choked.

"Yeah, Lois." Jimmy gave her a questioning glance as he walked toward her. "Do you need something?"

"Lois knows, Jimmy." Cat met Jimmy's eyes meaningfully, then looked down.

"Oh. Well don't say anything yet, okay? We want to give this a try first and see how it goes." He smiled broadly at both women before walking away with a wave.


Lois was sitting at her desk, lost in thought, when she heard a throat clear. She looked up to see Nigel St. John. "Um, Nigel… Hi. Where's Lex?"

"Mr. Luthor is finding a parking space. He will be waiting out in the car."

"Lex is waiting in the car?" That was difficult to believe.

"That's correct, Miss Lane." Nigel eyed her dryly. "I am here to ask for your company tonight at dinner."

"Lex wants me to have dinner with him?"

"No. I am the one requesting your company."

"Ha!" Lois responded out of reflex, but one look at Nigel told her he wasn't joking. "Listen, can I talk to Lex?"

"If you so desire, you may accompany me to the car. Mr. Luthor should still be there." Nigel then turned on his heel to leave, with Lois following closely behind him.

Out at Lex's car, Lois opened the driver's door and was only somewhat surprised to see Lex himself sitting there. What caught her completely off guard was the fact that he was wearing jeans, tennis shoes, and a bright pink tee shirt that said "Kiss the cook!" in purple.

"Lex?" Lois asked uncertainly. "Is there something you need to tell me?

"Nigel intervened at this point. "Mr. Luthor does not feel like speaking today."

"What?" Lois questioned. This was nonsense! If there was one thing Lex always seemed to be in the mood to do, it was talk. But Lex slowly raised an index finger to his lips, apparently in verification of what Nigel had said. "Um, okay. I'll see you around, Lex." She nodded at Nigel and then turned and ran back to the Planet building. Something weird was going on.

Not knowing what else to do, Lois hurried to Perry's office. "Perry something is funny today."

"Sorry, Lois. Can't talk. I have somewhere to be. Jack's in charge while I'm gone." He pulled on his jacket as he spoke.

"Jack? Why not me? Or even Jimmy, for that matter."

"Jimmy can't; he has to get off early for his date with Cat."

Lois opened her mouth twice, but couldn't formulate a response to that one. She decided to try a different tactic. "So, why Jack?" She just didn't get it.

Her editor looked annoyed. "Because I put everyone's name in a hat and drew Jack's name out first. Well, second. I drew Jimmy's name first."

"*That* is how you pick someone to be in charge?" She couldn't believe how crazy things were today. "Perry, don't you think-"

"I don't have time to argue with you, Lois." He was already heading to the elevators.

"But, Perry-"

"Lois!" he bellowed as he reached the elevators, "I am on my way to a tee ball game so that I can dress up as the mascot for the pee wee team the Planet sponsors because the owners thought it would be 'a good idea!' Now is *not* the time to argue with me!"

"Okay." She wasn't sure what to say any more. Suddenly the meaning of his words dawned on her. "You're going to be a mascot?" she chuckled. "Pee wee tee ball!" Now she was just plain laughing.


She put her hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay, Perry. I'm done."


"Lois, get in here!" She looked up immediately from the story she was working on to see Jack beckoning her from Perry's office. With a sigh, she stood and made her way to Perry's office. "I need you to get down to Metropolis High. Something went wrong in the new wing that is being built and there was an explosion.

"Lois gasped at the news. "Are there injuries?"

"Well, the workers were at the other end of the new wing when it happened. The problem is that there was a tee ball game going on right outside the wing. It doesn't look as if any of the kids are injured." He threw that piece of information out before Lois could ask. "There were some spectators nearby though and the south part of the wing is still on fire."

"Okay, I'm on my way."


When Lois arrived at the scene, it didn't take her long to realize that the situation was not as dangerous as she originally thought. The kids were all safe and sound, far away from the small portion of the high school that was on fire and the fire department had barricaded the area to keep anyone from wondering back toward the fire.

"Seems like everything is under control here." Lois thought aloud. A firefighter standing near her nodded. "Any injuries?"

"Oh no, ma'am. The explosion was really small anyway. The biggest problem seemed to be people getting a little lost in the smoke as they tried to find their way over here." He paused and smiled before continuing. "Lucky thing for us Superman showed up. He took to flying everyone past the dangerous area. Makes our job easier."

"Superman's here? Where?"

The firefighter pointed to a blur of blue and red hardly visible through the smoke. "I think he's flown just about everyone back here already. I have to be going. Good day." He tipped his hat to her before walking away.

"Hey look!" came a shout, "Superman's got the last person. Hooray!"

Lois looked up and then stared incredulously as she watched Superman fly the last person over the barricade to safety. In his arms, Superman was carrying Perry. Her editor in chief was still in the mascot uniform, pink and fluffy with a curly tail. "Of course," she mumbled, "a flying pig."