Go Directly To Jail, Do Not Pass Gun, Do Not Collect Revenge

By Paul-Gabriel Wiener <pgwfolc@netscape.net>

Rated: G

Submitted: May, 2003

Summary: Lois reacts a little differently to Elroy Sykes's set-up in this Plot Un-twist Challenge response.

A Plot Un-Twist of the episode "The People Vs Lois Lane"

Author's note: This is a response to the "plot un-twist" challenge posted on Zoomway's message boards by Hazel. The idea is relatively simple: pick a moment from the show, preferably the teaser for one of the episodes, and change things so that the A-plot unravels in a hopefully humorous way.


"Glad you made it," said Elroy Sykes as Lois stepped into the clearing.

Lois turned to see him, and immediately noticed that he was holding a gun. "Hey, wait a minute, Sykes —"

"Relax, Lois," he said, popping out the clip. "Not loaded, see? It's for demonstration purposes only. Here, you take it."

"No thanks. I don't do guns."

"What, afraid you'll break a nail? You wanna know how Big Mo got offed, or don't you?" Wanting to make sure that she had no choice, he tossed her the gun.

She caught it, purely by reflex, but, still not wanting to play the game, she immediately tossed it aside.

That was not part of the plan. How were they supposed to get proper blackmail material if she wasn't holding the gun? "Hey! Pick that up! The demonstration isn't going to work if you're not holding the gun!"

Lois snorted and held up one hand. She curled three fingers in, leaving the thumb and the pointer sticking out, the traditional "hand gun" of children around the world. "I told you, Sykes. I don't do guns."

"But… but…" Sykes looked around wildly, obviously looking for some kind of co-conspirator.

Lois interpreted his floundering properly and, sharp-eyed, quickly spotted the man with the video camera. She strode over to him angrily. "What do you think you're doing? You're trying to set me up?"

Her shout drew the attention of her husband, who was relaxing across town. Half a second later, Superman was hovering over the scene. Quickly, he took in the details… an angry Lois, a man with a video camera and some kind of remote control device, a gun with a bullet in the chamber and some odd internal wiring, and a desperately confused man. He swooped down next to Lois and faced the man with the video camera. "Excuse me, but just what were you planning to do with that device?"

The man hastily put away the control and instead took out a miniature tape recorder. "Memo to self. Next time, come up with contingency plan."

Lois raised an eyebrow.

"Memo to self. Do not underestimate Lois Lane."

Superman glared.

"Memo to self. Do not underestimate Superman."

"Hey!" exclaimed an agitated Sykes. "What are we supposed to do now?"

"Memo to self. Find more competent patsy." Then, looking around, "Memo to self. Stop recording memos in front of enemies."

Superman, seeing this wasn't going anywhere useful, brought them all to the nearest police station.

Professor Cole, based on evidence gathered from his tape recorder, was committed to an institution for the criminally insane.

Sykes's parole was revoked, on the grounds that he had been associating with a known felon and had been involved in a criminal conspiracy.

Lois and Clark enjoyed two weeks of relative quiet (which, as newlyweds, they put to good use) before discovering that their new friend, Bob, was a supervillain named Deathstroke. These things happen.