By Alicia U. <lxu2@cwru.edu>
Rated: PG
Submitted: March, 2003
Summary: Some FoLC fanfic traditions are given new life in this tongue-in-cheek vignette.
***
"Hmm," Clark protested as his fiancee pulled away from the incredibly passionate kiss they had been sharing.
Lois ignored Clark's protests and looked up at him. She gazed into his deep, soulful eyes and found herself slipping away into a pit of desire. Those eyes, those beautiful eyes. After every kiss they shared, she found herself lost in his eyes. Oh, his eyes were definitely his most attractive feature. The rest of his body was nothing to scorn, but his eyes, oh, his eyes, they were something special. They had a quality about them that shattered her soul every time she looked into them. The only other thing that could ever give her this feeling was her biggest weakness in the world except for the man standing right in front of her.
"Clark, did you know that your eyes are so beautiful? They look just like chocolate. Mmm, deliciously creamy, melty chocolate. They make me want to melt in your arms," she said, half under her breath.
"Hmm?" a still dazed Clark responded.
He still hadn't agreed that their kiss was over. He couldn't believe that Lois had interrupted their soul- shattering kiss just to tell him that his eyes reminded her of chocolate. Then a thought hit him. It seemed a little absurd that Lois would compare his eyes to chocolate. How could eyes remind her of chocolate? A huge grin spread across his face. If she was going to torture him by breaking the kiss, there were ways he could torture her, too.
"Well, Lois, I am not sure if that's a complement or not. After all, how do I know if you love me for me or if you just love me for my 'chocolate-covered eyes?' After all, honey, you do have a legendary weakness for chocolate."
Lois backed away from Clark in shock. Her immediate response was, "What are you talking about, Clark? You know I love you." She considered what he had said for a moment longer. She shrieked, "My chocolate obsession is legendary?"
Clark raised his eyebrows at her. She didn't know that her chocolate obsession was legendary? And she didn't usually shout at him like that. It seemed absurd that a thirty- year-old woman was shrieking at him over one innocent comment.
"Okay, okay, I like chocolate. So sue me!" she yelled at him, hoping he would see her point.
"WelL, what is it, Lois?" Clark wondered.
"What?" she asked, thinking their discussion was over.
What was Clark talking about? What was what?
Clark shrugged his shoulders and said, "What kind of chocolate do my eyes remind you of? You've told me my eyes were like chocolate more times than I can count. I was just wondering what kind of chocolate I remind you of."
"Um," Lois said quickly. She hadn't really thought about what chocolate specifically. It had always been just chocolate in general.
"After all, just what kind of chocolate are we talking about here? I'm sure the world is waiting with bated breath to find out what type of candy bar Superman's eyes remind his future wife of. I am sure enquiring minds want to know. I mean, how do I know if you're complimenting me or not?"
Lois stammered, "Well, uh, um, I don't, I don't know."
"I mean, Lois, it can't be that hard, honey. There are plenty of different types of chocolate. You should know. I mean, there are so many different kinds. Just pick one. Milk chocolate? Dark chocolate? White chocolate? Chocolate chips? Hershey's with Almonds? M&M's? Peanut M&M's? Caramello? Hershey's Kisses?"
As Clark tried to list every type of candy he could think of, Lois glared at him, trying to determine just what kind of answer he wanted. Then she decided to tell him the truth. His eyes reminded her of a very specific candy bar, one that held a special place in her heart.
"A Double Fudge Crunch Bar," she interrupted.
Clark raised his eyebrows in surprise. For some reason, the thought that his eyes looked like some cheap candy bar that Lois could buy in packages of fifty sort of cheapened the effect for him. He had always thought it was sweet when Lois compared his eyes to chocolate, but now he wasn't so sure. She thought he was a Double Fudge Crunch Bar? They weren't even that good!
"What? You're comparing my eyes to a Double Fudge Crunch Bar? Not Godiva or Ghirardelli? My eyes remind you of a cheap, common candy bar?"
Clark wasn't really put off by the idea, but he wanted to pull Lois's chain a little bit.
Lois's cheeks turned bright red and she started to stammer an explanation, "Clark, honey, that is not an insult. I mean, you know I am obsessed with Double Fudge Crunch Bars. I am obsessed with Superman. Clark, honey, I'm obsessed with you. Double Fudge Crunch Bars remind me of you. You know, they look plain and normal on the outside, but once you rip them open, you see what is really inside." Her eyes rolled to the back of her head just thinking about her favorite chocolate bar. "Crunchy, fudgey, delicious — mmm, almost orgasmically incredible." She stopped to take a breath. "There's nothing like them in the world. Except for your eyes — and the whole rest of you."
Clark grinned at Lois and when their eyes met, he realized that she was not kidding. She was comparing him to her favorite type of chocolate: plain on the outside, but so much more on the inside. Yes, he had to agree, she made a good point.
Without saying a word, Clark wrapped his arms around Lois and pulled her close until their bodies felt intertwined. Then he slowly slanted his lips across hers and captured her in a rapturous, soul-shattering kiss that made her feel like her insides had turned to mush and the whole world had collapsed around her.
Yes, Clark did, indeed, remind her of a Double Fudge Crunch Bar: plain on the outside, but so much more than she ever expected on the inside.
THE END
Don't blame me for this story. Blame everyone that posted in the "Fanficisms that make me cringe" thread on Zoomway's MBs (http://www.zoomway.net/ubb/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f= 12;t=000731). Paul's post especially made me write this story. His post was absolutely hilarious and it inspired me to write this stupid little story. I hope didn't make everyone groan too much. I tried to include every "fanficism" that I could into this little story.