A Lois and Clark Fairy Tale: The Three Bears

By Marnie Rowe <bumpkin.is@gmail.com>

Rated: G

Submitted: January 2003

Summary: Yet another of the silly flights of fancy that a fan has put some of our favorite characters through. It's the age-old fable of "The Three Bears" with a touch of a twist.

AN: This story was prompted be Meredith on IRC while we talked of her three bears version :) So really a lot of the credit should go to her, and I want to thank SarahLdy for quickly betaing it before I posted to the boards.

Marns (~Pobody's Nerfect)


Once upon a time there were three bears who lived out in a neat little cottage in the deep woods. Perry-Bear, who was old and gruff, Clark-Bear, who was not really a bear but had fallen from the sky one spring and been taken in by the other two, and finally Jimmy-Bear, the bouncingly rambunctious youngest.

One fine day Clark-Bear decided to make up a lovely pot of porridge. But when they sat down to eat it, they found that it was very, very hot. So rather than just wait around the cottage and let it cool, they decided to go for a quick walk in the woods while it did.

Unbeknownst to the bears, they were not alone in the woods that day. A very pretty and very curious Loislocks was also out and exploring. She came across the neat little cottage deep in the woods and could not restrain herself. She crept up to the nearest window slowly and with great care not to make a sound. Peeking in, she saw that there was no-one about and so she made her way over to the open door and let herself in.

The door entered into the kitchen and first thing that she saw were the three bowls of porridge. Her stomach grumbled in hunger, after all, she had been tramping around the woods and been using up a lot of energy.

Moving to the largest and roughest bowl she took a taste and made a face in pain. 'Ooooh, that is way too hot for me!' Next she moved to the smallest bowl that had a fancy gadgety spoon and made another face, this time of disgust. 'Eeww, that is too cold for me!' Then last but not least, she went to the medium plain stoneware bowl and took a taste. 'Mmmm, Yummy!' and she ate it all up.

After such a good and filling meal Loislocks was tired and decided that she was going to find a place to sit down for a bit. She went into the living room and saw a huge chair upholstered in black velvet with a garish painting of a man on it. 'Creepy,' she thought to herself. She went over to the other chair and tried to sit in it. She jumped right back out again when something dropped over her eyes and something jabbed her in the arms. Looking closer she saw that the second chair had a dial and keys all down each arm-rest. 'Weird.' Shaking her head at such foolishness she looked around for another place to sit and could not find one. 'What does the other one do? Sit on air?'

Still tired she decided to go upstairs and see if there was a place there that she could rest for a while. Loislocks opened the first door that she came to and saw that the room behind it was all decorated in that black velvet with that strange man again adorning everything. There were also strange little idols scattered around of the same man. She shuddered; it was even creepier than the chair downstairs. Moving down the hall to the next door she saw that it was a keypad lock with no handle, no luck there. Last of all she went down to the end of the hall. She opened the door there to reveal the homiest rooms that she had ever seen. Everything was neat and tidy with a very warm and pretty quilt spread over the bed. It was so inviting that she fell forward into its embrace and was asleep before she even hit the pillows.

Soon after the three bears came home from their walk. They went into the kitchen and sat down to eat. Perry-Bear looked into his bowl and gruffly growled, "Someone's been eating my porridge."

Jimmy-Bear looked at his bowl and saw that the settings had been disturbed on his high tech bowl and piped, "Someone's been eating my porridge too!"

Clark-Bear looked into his stoneware bowl and said, "Someone's been eating my porridge, and they have eaten it all up."

Knowing now that someone had been in their house they decided to look around. Moving into the living room they see the two chairs have been disturbed.

Perry-Bear said, "Someone has been sitting in my chair; Elvis is scuffed."

Jimmy-Bear looked at his chair and said, "Someone has been sitting in my chair as well. All my settings are out of whack."

Clark-bear did not have a chair and so he just shrugged.

All three trooped upstairs. Perry-Bear stopped at his room and said, "Someone has been up here, they opened my door and left the derned door wide open!"

Jimmy-Bear walked over to his door and sees that the red light was flashing. "Someone has been up here, my motion sensor is going off."

Clark-Bear went down the hall to his door and pushed it open and looked inside. "Someone has been up here and she is still here! She is also the most gorgeous woman that I have ever seen!"

Loislocks woke up when she heard the voices and cowered back, knowing that she not supposed to be where she was—what else was new?— but then she saw Clark-Bear in the doorway and was reassured. He just looked like the most honest and gorgeous man that she ever had an opportunity to meet. In other words he looked like the room that she found herself in. He held out a hand and Loislocks ran to grab it. They had both known at the first glance that they were in love and that the only thing that would make sense would be for them to get married. Which they did, and they lived happily ever after. Aside from the occasional run-in with the odd wolf and other villains of the forest. But those are stories for another day.