Thugor's Discount Henchmen

By Paul-Gabriel Wiener <>

Rated: G

Submitted: October 2002

Summary: Ever wonder where all those lackeys come from? Or just who builds all those secret lairs? This advertisement answers those questions, leaving only one — just where would an ad like this run?


Do you find that you can use a little help around the top-secret lair? Do you even have a lair yet? Have you just "fired" your incompetent second-in-command? Or maybe you just need a little persuasive back-up?

Whatever your need, Thugor's Discount Henchmen can help!

We have everything from knee-breakers to heavy-hitting bruisers to sniveling yes-men to capable, organized, and loyal second-in-commands! Our costuming shop can even match their uniforms to any theme you may have!

Need a small army to back you up? No problem! We can have them at your lair in less than three business days!

Need a new secret lair? Our specialized architects can custom design one to fit your needs, and our trustworthy builders are brought to the site blindfolded! We'll even supply all the equipment, including a laboratory with everything a sanity-challenged scientist could possibly need!

All this and more for 50% less than the competition! And, if you order now, we'll throw in a free, yes that's *FREE*, custom-designed ultra-deluxe superhero deathtrap (death not guaranteed if you leave the room while the hero is trapped)!

This week only, try our Superman Special! Buy a secret lair, and get lead-lining, a custom weapon, your choice of ten henchmen or one lieutenant, and a chunk of Kryptonite, absolutely free!

No job too big or too small! So, come on down to Thugor's Discount Henchmen today!

Thugor's- GOT ILK?