Song of Stuporman

By Paul-Gabriel Wiener <>

Rated: G

Submitted: January 2002

Summary: A silly little bar scene that happens to contain a few familiar lines.


"Windows on Metropolis," the restaurant and bar at the top of the Lexor hotel, promised its patrons "The Height of Luxury." Looking at the room full of drunken executives, however, one began to have doubts. The fact that the drunks here were in business suits didn't really go a long way to making the experience "luxurious." Still, at this hour, no one really cared about luxury.

Suddenly, one of the patrons shot up from his seat. "I am… " he declared, swaying proudly, "I am stuporman, and I can do anything!"

This amused his fellows, who cheered and called out to him. "Hey, stuporman! Show us your stupor powers!"

The self-declared "Stuporman" was happy to take up the challenge. He stumbled over to the window, and, before any of the addled minds watching him could figure out what he was up to, fell out. They stared in shocked silence, more so when, against all odds, he floated back into view.

"I am…" he declared triumphantly, before passing out.

"I am Superman," announced the man holding him up, 100 stories above the street, "and I'd like to know what's happening."

"Well, uhm, Superman," replied one of the patrons, fully sober now, "he said he was 'Stuporman.' We teased him about it, and before we knew what was going on, he'd managed to throw himself out the window." He cast a worried glance at the prone form, and his frown deepened when he noticed the drunk's eyes twitching beneath the closed eyelids. "Is he okay?"

"Don't worry," Superman assured him, "he's just deep in R.E.M."


"He's dreaming. He'll be fine."

"Oh, okay. Thanks, Superman."

Realizing that there wasn't anything more he could say that wasn't already obvious, Superman nodded, waved, and flew off.


(Original lyrics to "Superman" by R.E.M.(