By Bethy <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Submitted: August 2001
Summary: Lois and Clark are trying to sell their house but have some trouble when it comes to showings.
This was written in response to a listserv challenge. We had to include six specific things in a story of less than 750 words. See if you can figure out which six crazy things were required. <g> I'll put the list at the end of the story.
I'm not sure if this can be considered as having a plot, but I hope it's fun to read! The final word count was 513. Oh, and for those of you who don't know, a 'showing' (at least in my experience) is when people come to view a house that is up for sale. I always remember cleaning like mad to prepare for a showing, so I had fun with this one.
As usual, the characters of Lois and Clark don't belong to me, but Fred, 'Lyssa Jo, and the others do. Comments welcome at email@example.com.
"Oh, Fred, it looks perfect!"
Fred placed his arm around the woman's shoulders and said, "Now, just hold your horses, 'Lyssa Jo. Let's wait until we see the inside." He turned to the realtor. "You're sure you got a hold of the occupants this time? Wouldn't want another fiasco like the last one."
"Oh, I'm sure. They said it was their day off and they were planning on sticking around, but we were welcome to come and look around."
The couple followed the realtor into…complete chaos.
Two identical boys, who seemed to be about four, chased each other through the open expanse of the living room, dueling with a pair of feather dusters.
"Mommy, the people are here!" One shouted while expertly parrying his brother's attack, completely ignoring the dust that scattered as a result.
"Lois!" A male voice called from upstairs. Immediately a body followed to match the voice. He was carrying an unopened can of motor oil. "I wanted to practice juggling my torches, but I couldn't find the kerosene. D'you think this'll work?" Suddenly he noticed the bemused couple and realtor hesitating on the threshold. "Come on in! I take it you're here to view the house? Just ignore the kids."
A very pregnant Lois responded to her husband's call. In her hand was an odd assortment of tiny sandwiches made of…animal crackers, chocolate sauce and pickles? (Pregnant women really will eat anything!)
"I don't know, Clark. It's not as flammable, and it's kinda goopy. Maybe you should just go get some new kerosene."
She suddenly noticed the group still waiting just inside the front door. "Well?" she said impatiently. "Are you coming in or not?"
At that the group moved as one towards the kitchen, the realtor speaking in soft tones, as he described the positive aspects of this house.
"Oh, wait," Lois called after them. "Be careful opening the kitchen…door." She finished anticlimactically. The realtor gave a small shriek as a plastic bucket filled with ice dumped all over her. "That was supposed to be for Clark," Lois said apologetically. "Sorry." Unable to help herself, she let out a small giggle.
Trying to remain calm, the realtor smiled, but it came out as more of a grimace. She turned and led the way into the kitchen. All three immediately stopped upon seeing the scene there.
A little girl, about five, sat happily on the floor. Playing tiddly-winks. With mousetraps. She was aiming for a small spread of bubble-wrap, and every time a mousetrap landed properly, it snapped itself on the bubbles creating the most satisfying sound — at least for a five year old.
"Hi!" She smiled a gap-toothed greeting up at them. "Wanna play?"
"Umm…no, thanks." The realtor stammered. She turned towards the couple, and Fred immediately spoke.
"Maybe…maybe this *isn't* the right house for us."
"Yes," 'Lyssa Jo interjected. "I think I'm ready to go on to the next one."
With a hurried farewell to the psychotic occupants of that looneybin, the small group beat a hasty retreat.
Did you figure out which were the required objects? If you didn't here's the list:
A bucket of ice
A can of motor oil
As usual, comments welcome at firstname.lastname@example.org.