By Terran <email@example.com>
Submitted: July 2001
Summary: Clark and Dan Scardino read Mayson's diary after her death.
(All the usual disclaimers, such as don't bother to sue, 'cause they're not mine!)
Intro: Following Deputy District Attorney Mayson Drake's murder, Federal Agent Dan Scardino stole her diary as part of his investigation. He made the diary available to Clark Kent, who we saw was intent on reading it. This story is about the diary contents and Scardino's and Kent's reactions to it.
Background: Dan Scardino was immediately attracted to Lois Lane and Clark and Lois had only briefly (one time) dated prior to Mayson Drake's murder. Relations between Clark and Lois became strained when Clark couldn't express his grief and guilt over Mayson's death and Dan Scardino began making a play for Lois.
Format: One diary (Mayson), then Scardino reading it, followed by Clark.
SCARDINO, on picking up the single volume: I only found the one. Only recently had a reason for keeping a diary, Mayson? Are we talking a recent fixation? How about that name, Mayson Drake? Your parents had a sense of humor. I remember Perry and his private ace Paul Drake. He was a blond, too. You just had to be a lawyer, didn't ya? But not defense, it's prosecution for you. I wonder how come? Met too many bad guys along the way?
Mayson: A diary: Finally broke down and bought one. My mind's a jumble, and typing and saving to disk is too easy for me to talk myself out of. So, a diary, the old- fashioned kind, but then Clark Kent's an old-fashioned kind of guy. Look how easy it is for me to write. I should have bought this thing weeks ago. But I've never wanted to need it, though I have trouble understanding my reluctance. Like putting my thoughts about Clark on paper, writing them down makes it more intimidating, like a stream of consciousness, and I'll learn something I don't want to know. But it must be the lawyer in me. I want it organized, efficient, laid-out. Well diary, I can't promise things in order, but I will promise to only tell the truth.
SCARDINO: I like you, Mayson.
CLARK, wondering if he should flip through the pages: I didn't know the whole thing was about me.
Mayson: So, how to describe Clark? Clark is clearly defined. That's what it is about him that strikes me. Whether it's his luminous eyes, or that gorgeous rounded ass of his, and those pecs — god, don't get me started on those pecs. Sigh. Everything about him is angled just right.
SCARDINO: She knows how to turn a phrase. Do women only talk like this when they're alone?
CLARK, fidgeting: I should have known. I really should have known to expect this.
Mayson: But he's high-minded; his character hasn't sunk into the gutter like every other man I've met. Correction: every man I've ever met. Clark Kent is as solid and correct as his name.
SCARDINO is sighing: Boring as all get out. Or as my British friends would say: What utter rot. Let's speak French, shall we: Merde. Now if you want to talk eyes, take Lois. Yum, first thing I noticed about her. Reminds me of…
CLARK, taking off his glasses so he can rub at his eyes: Thank you, Mayson. I'm solid, all right, solid as steel.
Mayson: What is it with Clark? I get close, I can feel it, he's responding, I know he is.
SCARDINO: I bet he was. In spite of those suits, he's human.
CLARK smiled: Mayson, I really liked you. You were so straight; you were even suspicious of Superman. At least you weren't falling into his arms like everyone else.
Mayson: But there's something about him, something that holds me at arms length even when he'd like to leap in, I know he would.
SCARDINO: You're a good-looking dame, of course he would. Unless he's queer, now there's a thought. He looks queer. Too straight-edged to be anything else. But he had you, so that doesn't fit.
CLARK: I don't have the luxury of impulsiveness.
Mayson: Resurrection is something I feel I should tell him. And I would, but I can't. The rules say no. Besides, he'd only tell Lois, and within the next two hours every criminal in Metropolis would be in on the story.
SCARDINO: Cheap shot.
CLARK: Whoa, unfair, Mayson, though I admit it looks bad. Lois is a little — enthusiastic — but she knows how to keep a secret, most of the time. Sometimes things do get out of hand, and she's being tossed out a window or something.
Mayson: I wonder if Clark believes in life after death — or is it life after life? Does he believe in reincarnation, our souls being entwined forever?
SCARDINO: Well, that's cute. No wonder women read romance novels. I knew someone had to be buying that junk. God, does she ever talk about something important? Even if she'd stick with how many times a night he gets it up, it'd be better than this.
CLARK: I believe in destiny, and the right person. I wasn't the right person for you, Mayson. I wish I were. It would have been so easy if I were. You'd have understood about Superman, and I wouldn't be going through hell over Lois.
Mayson: I must ask him, like I have to ask him about so many things, but whenever we meet our time is so valuable. There's so little of it to spend on conversation. I'd like to take him away for the weekend, or a week, just the two of us, where we can be alone. No pagers or cell phones or anything to interfere.
SCARDINO: If a guy turned that down, he is queer.
CLARK: Getting away from it all is exactly what I'd like to do right now.
Mayson: I know he values Lois, his partner on the paper. They work together as friends, but there doesn't seem to be anything between them. Certainly they're not dating. But they spend more time with each other than anyone. It's a way of shutting other people out.
SCARDINO: I'll bust through that barrier. They don't call me Dan-the-man for nothing.
CLARK: No dating for me, and none for her since Lex. She's bruised and I'm constantly waiting.
Mayson: But there's something between them. A possessiveness, like they can't let go. At least, Lois can't let go of Clark. She doesn't approve of me at all, even admitted to being jealous because of Clark.
SCARDINO: Lois with a boring guy like Kent? You got to be kidding. She'd be yawning through dinner.
CLARK: Oh, Lois. Why didn't you say something? It's like we're constantly moving in different directions. I'm flying here; you're running there. Just like with Lex. You didn't even love him, but you were going to marry him. No one could talk you out of it.
Mayson: But Lois has really bad taste — just look at the guy she was engaged to. Lex Luthor! The number one criminal in the entire country! Now if that's not bad instincts and bad investigative journalism — not to mention bad taste — what is?
SCARDINO: Okay, Mayson, you definitely scored there. On the plus side, however, Lex Luthor was dynamic.
CLARK: Maybe I am boring in comparison to Lex. She responded to him, she responds to Scardino. She's swept off her feet by Luthor, Scardino and Superman. She certainly seems to go by appearances, and she thinks Scardino's being obnoxious is just wonderful. Well, Lex was usually smooth around her. But if Scardino has a smooth edge, he must be saving it.
Mayson: And Clark is standing right in front of her! She has the amount of time and attention from him I only dream about, and she looks right past him!
SCARDINO: That's my girl.
Mayson: I can't figure out how she's so good at her job. Even the bit of time I worked with her and Clark, Lois being gifted was a mystery. Maybe she's getting help on the side?
SCARDINO: If Lois didn't hate you before…
CLARK: Lois better not read this.
Mayson: She's arrogant enough. That's what she would have in common with Lex Luthor. Poor Clark, but it shows how strong he is, that he hasn't been steamrolled. Standing tall in his convictions and sincerity, he's a beacon of ideals. Maybe he's having a positive effect on her. One can hope so.
SCARDINO: Well, it was interesting for a minute there.
CLARK: Actually, I've had some influence, but she's influenced me, as well. I seem to remember a few unethical plays I've made.
Mayson: Someday Lois' lack of ethics will get Clark into deep trouble, I know it will. She's not stable, and he's so stable he won't duck even after he sees it coming. Like when she stole my pager. It was wholly unscrupulous and risked both my job and hers, not to mention Clark's, though I think he was an innocent bystander.
SCARDINO: Of course he was. Way to go, Lois.
CLARK: Lois really shouldn't have done that.
Mayson: And all because she doesn't like me? But that goes back to Clark again, or some of it. When I don't like someone, I just avoid talking to them. What's wrong with that? Lois, she steals.
Mayson: But she's especially chummy with that Superman. But Clark is friends with him, too, in fact he may be closer to Superman than Lois. I have to be careful what I say about Superman to Clark, I nearly blew it once. But it's difficult making people understand how Superman may save the planet every other day, but who is he?
SCARDINO: I don't like him either.
CLARK: A long explanation we never had time for.
Mayson: Do we comprehend the special threat? Doesn't depending on Superman make us — as humans — weaker? This isn't about humans ruling our own domain anymore, but about the special influence of someone from the outside, someone we didn't even invite in. Of course we can use him, make ourselves feel better as he averts calamities, but there's picking up the pieces, and shouldn't this all be our job, concerning our planet? Should we make ourselves so dependent on someone who isn't human, who may have his own agenda? What parasites do we become, how apathetic to our own issues and handling them our own way? And what if Superman isn't alone, that there are others like him, more destructive, or if Superman turns because of a virus or something else? How do we handle this? How do we look out for ourselves? And what about the true heroes, like the cops working the beat and the firefighters going up against firestorms? Do they get the credit they deserve anymore, or does the public only notice the guy in tights? He's striking, I admit, but I'll take Clark any day.
SCARDINO: Clark Kent over Superman? You must have been on the rag, lady.
CLARK: I wish I could tell you, Mayson. Maybe you felt something of the truth, when you discovered Superman's identity. I hope it gave you some peace.
Mayson: But how to be honest to Clark about Superman? I know it puzzles him I don't like his friend. But I'm puzzled by their friendship. At least Lois he works with. You develop an understanding with a partner over time. But I've heard Clark is Superman's best friend. Even when I first met Clark, he was going to arrange that Superman speak with me. They obviously have a special communication between them, Clark with access to Superman. And why was Superman so near to Clark when Clark was only in a restaurant? Nothing was supposed to be going on, no kind of "meet" for Superman to be safeguarding anyone. I want to understand how Clark is close to Superman, just as I need Clark to know how I feel about him, as well as Superman.
SCARDINO: If Clark isn't making it with Lois, and neither is Superman, maybe Clark and Superman are making it together. That tidies it up nicely, sorry, Mayson.
CLARK: You were getting closer to the truth, being on the outside looking in, than Lois or Jimmy or Perry have ever done. But at least I know the truth about Superman isn't in this diary.
Mayson: I want to tell Clark how I grew up in foster homes and came to Metropolis to take on all the big criminals, and how I met him and he's the first guy I ever met who caused me to forget about work. All of a sudden I cared less about truth and justice and only about hopping into the sack with this great guy I met. For the first time, it's like there's no brakes on, I can't be with him fast enough. And it's like I'm the only one who truly knows who he is, his value, I could instantly see past the beauty to his humor and integrity, his honor. His parents reminded me of that, when I thought he'd betrayed me.
SCARDINO: Now what's going on here?
CLARK: I didn't want to mean that much to you.
Mayson: Like when Clark was supposed to spend the weekend with me at the cabin.
SCARDINO: Oh, good, he's not perfect anymore.
Mayson: I made it like spur-of-the-moment, no-big-deal, but I rearranged my schedule and got up the courage to hit the Daily Planet and ask him, right in front of his desk, right in front of Lois. I sprung it on him, lurching, not giving him time to back off. I played it casual, though. I didn't want it to seem do-or-die, though that's how I felt. He said, "That's great, Mayson" with that cute smile on his face.
SCARDINO: Back to that.
CLARK, grimacing: I should have called and canceled as Clark, but when I was reminded about the date it was already too late. Then she was standing in front of me. No excuse; I really have no excuse. She loved me as much as I love Lois, to put up with it.
Mayson: But the next day he was a no-show. I was stood up, with no excuses or flattering apologies, even a bizarre weekend spent with Clark's parents, Lois getting kidnapped and Superman being blinded. Well, as for Superman, at least an incompetent one could tend to grow on you. But Monday morning, I talked to Clark. He had the grace to look surprised I was forgiving him, but I was remembering that smile when he accepted my invitation, that same smile he always had for me. Oh, that smile, with those perfect, full lips and the whitest teeth. He has a killer smile: Killer in only the most positive sense of the word. I had to forgive him, even though I'd already made up my mind to.
SCARDINO: Okay, it's not like he's deformed or anything. I get the message. As long as Lois isn't interested — though the thing about Lex does have me puzzled, you got me there, Mayson. I've looked into stuff about dear Lois, and Lex Luthor wasn't her only mistake.
CLARK: You had a beautiful smile, too, Mayson. I can't tell Lois. And you were bright, like the sun. Mayson-the-fair. I did think you were beautiful. And I'd wonder why you were so in love with me, but I fell in love with Lois with even less provocation. At least I'd impressed you with my faux bravery.
Mayson: It could be sexy, or sweet. Smooth as milk or firm as an apple.
SCARDINO: Yuck. Is she still talking about his smile?
Mayson: And when he puckers, you can sell tickets.
SCARDINO: Yep, the smile. That's a relief.
CLARK: Actually, the way you kissed me, you made it so casual, no earth- shattering momentous decision to make beforehand.
Mayson: They say the best ones are already taken, but not Clark. Not Clark Kent with the passionate bedroom eyes. Or they would be bedroom eyes if I could get him alone, taking those glasses off. I think he hides behind the lenses, and not a very original idea. There's something else going on. Like his eyes, they're not truly brown but a red-brown, but you can't see that until you're up close. You have to be THISCLOSE to see him clearly. I can't leave him alone, that's the problem. I must be a glutton for punishment. Maybe I should schedule an appointment with a therapist, just to let it all hang out. As it is, I'm doing a diary, and I don't even like diaries, so I'm spewing all over the place.
SCARDINO concurred: Not a good hobby in our profession, letting this stuff lie around. After you die, strangers go through it. Maybe that's better than people you know. But I'll be passing this onto Lois. It gives me an excuse to see her again, though I don't need an excuse, do I? And I should be working with her.
CLARK: I shouldn't be reading this. But I have to know, how much did I hurt her? I should have let her down, but I couldn't. I did like her, was attracted to her. The timing was bad, though, she must have figured that out.
Mayson: I think about him all the time. At first it was his personality. I loved his humor and integrity, testifying against Intergang in court. It's like it didn't occur to him to be afraid.
SCARDINO: I remember something about this. So he's got guts as well as pecs.
CLARK: I was always wearing the cape, only you couldn't see it.
Mayson: Of course I saw his handsome face, but his body came as a surprise, like a Greek statue, he's an Adonis, so smooth and muscular, perfection sculpted from marble. So there's this great body and tan and his beautiful face. He's as beautiful and caring inside as he is out. No false packaging here. Out-of-this-world! Something about his face, and the rest of him, his strength of character is as strongly defined as his muscles, as that soft, husky voice. Too good to be true, he's the perfect guy. Nothing perfect is ever easily obtained.
SCARDINO: You made it too easy. Once he had you, he had to throw you away.
CLARK: Reminds me of me and Lois.
Mayson: So I'll keep working on my man. What else can I do? I've tried to put him out of my mind, and instead I find myself schlepping over to his office for a talk, or begging him for a date, or walking past his apartment to catch a glimpse. He's never around, though. The office is the only place I can trap him. I even intercepted a police call involving Lois and showed up for the investigation only because I knew he'd be there. He'd appreciate my being nice to Lois. He's that kind of guy. But I only did it because he was there, very casual too, in some clothes he'd pulled on, but looking so adorable I had to keep myself from staring at him. I've never been this way about a guy before! Sure there are good looking men in the world, but he goes way beyond that! He's like in the stratosphere! Why can't he return the favor? But I have my fantasies to keep me warm at night — or is it cold? My favorite involves me lying in the bathtub and I don't even know he's in my apartment. NOTE TO SELF: GIVE CLARK A KEY ASAD (as soon as it's decent — who am I kidding?). But I'm lying in the scented oil and I hear a soft "Mayson" and I look up and it's him. So simply, so easily, he ingratiates himself into my life and accepts my invitation.
SCARDINO closed the book on the final passage: Oh, man.
CLARK shook his head, but tears were rare with him: I'm sorry, Mayson.
Mayson: I want to live out my fantasies with him, and explore his own, making them a reality too.
SCARDINO: I don't blame you, babe. You must have been one hell of a dame. Clark didn't know what he had if he was putting you through the ringer. Then again, if he's got a thing going with Superman, you were really out-of-your- league. Anybody from this planet would be. I admit to some curiosity as to what's beneath those tights. And what makes Kent so special he had you and Superman? That must be some spell he casts. Or did Superman claim him? Except for you, Mayson Drake, I can't think of anyone who'd turn down our resident alien, so maybe Supes got the hots for Kent, so Kent wasn't able to give you the attention you deserved: No up-against-the-walls for you. Could be Supes was stepping in, trying to keep everyone from being happy except himself, or at least keep you clear away from his boy toy, Kent. I wonder if you ever had a chance for that to occur to you, what was standing between you and Kent wasn't Lois but the man himself? But I can't ask Kent. We'd only get into a slugfest and I'm sure Lois wouldn't appreciate that. Well, Kent having a fling with Superman, probably comes in handy. I wouldn't mind catching the action, though, just to see what control those guys exhibit with each other. Meantime, I've got Lois. Her eyes remind me of that guy from my fraternity. Whatever happened to him?