Lois and Clark and the IRS

By Carol M <carolmfolc@gmail.com>

Rated: PG

Submitted: February 2001

Summary: Sometimes, innocent actions can have unexpected consequences, particularly when the innocent action breaks an obscure law, and the lawbreakers are Lois and Clark.

This story was written in response to a "challenge" by Pam on the fanfic list. It started as a one page fun, little three minute story, but Melisma (and others) wouldn't let me stop! Thank you for not letting me!

Anyway, the characters are not mine. Well, most of them aren't anyway. They belong to people with a LOT more money than me! I just wanted to have some fun!

***

"Mrs. Kent?"

Lois didn't even look up.

"Mrs. Kent?"

The voice was starting to nibble at her concentration.

"Mrs. Kent?"

The voice was more insistent this time. Lois glared at the speaker and went back to work.

There was a sigh. "Excuse, me, but are you Lois Kent?"

Lois couldn't believe her ears. She looked at the man standing insistently by her desk. "*I* am Lois *Lane*. As far as I know there is no Lois Kent. Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do."

"Ma'am, you are who I am looking for."

"I told you I am NOT Lois Kent. There is no such person."

"But there is. My name is Brent Dodge. I work for the Internal Revenue Service."

"What do you mean? And what do I have to do with the IRS?"

"Do you remember a story that you and your husband did while checked in at the honeymoon suite at the Lexor Hotel?"

"I remember the story, but we weren't really married. We were undercover. I am not married and certainly not to Clark Kent. What does that have to do with the IRS?"

"Well, Mrs. Kent…"

"Please quit calling me that."

He ignored her. "Mrs. Kent, we checked your tax return for this year and it appears that you and Mr. Kent are trying to defraud the IRS."

"I don't know who you are or what you're doing, but leave me alone." Lois stood to walk off.

"Are you aware of the law in New Troy stating that if a man and a woman who aren't married go to a hotel or motel and register themselves as married then they are legally married.'?"

Lois sat back down slowly. "Are you serious?"

"Yes, Mrs. Kent."

"CLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

***

Clark sighed. He was in the Philippines trying to help rescuers after a tidal wave. He looked around and saw they could handle the aftermath. He wondered what Lois wanted this time. As much as he loved her, sometimes he wished he couldn't hear her world wide. Unless she was in trouble. Then he didn't mind. But the only trouble that this scream seemed to portray was trouble for him. It wasn't the 'Luthor has me trapped or I am being tied to a nuclear weapon' scream. It was the 'if you aren't here in two seconds and explain whatever earth shattering detail I need explained then I will never speak to you again, at least not until I need you to help me again but I'll never admit it' scream. He'd better go. He didn't want to be on Lois' bad side.

By the time Clark made it back to the newsroom, Lois was in the conference room, pacing furiously and muttering under her breath.

Jimmy caught him on the way in. "I don't know what you did, CK, but I wouldn't want to be in your shoes for all the money in the world."

"I didn't do anything."

"Sure, CK, tell that to her." Jimmy pointed to the conference room.

Clark took a deep breath. "Wish me luck."

"You're gonna need it."

Clark walked towards the conference room wracking his brain wondering what he could have done to make Lois *this* mad. He opened the door already cringing at what was to come.

Lois waited until he shut the door to look at him. "I want a divorce."

"Excuse me." Clark didn't understand.

"I want a divorce."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because apparently we are married." She threw a piece of paper at him.

"Since when?" he questioned as he looked at it and quickly scanned the print-out. It was an internet site of old and seldom used laws in New Troy. There, with abright red star next to it, was the law in question. 'If a man and a woman who aren't married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married.' Yikes. "Well, Mrs. Kent," he got a look of death, "what I want to know is …"

Lois didn't let him finish. "I know. Why is this a law? Who would want such a law? What purpose does it serve? And why us? Why do they have to come after us? What did we do to deserve this? This is the craziest thing I have ever heard of. Being married because you check into a hotel as a married couple. How on earth are you supposed to do undercover assignments then? 'Hi. I'm Lois Lane and this is my partner Clark Kent. We aren't really married, we just want to pretend that we are so we can be undercover. Now don't tell anyone, you hear? Oh, and are there any really obscure laws that we need to know about? Like how this could really make us married?'"

"Lois."

"What?"

"You're babbling. And that's not what I was thinking at all."

"I am not. And what were you thinking?"

"Well, like I was saying," he said, a glint in his eye as he spoke, "what I want to know is where are the presents and where are we going on our honeymoon?" He grinned that big grin. He wanted his last moments alive to be good ones, because he knew, Superman or not, Lois was about to kill him.

Lois had an evil look on her face. "You know if I kill you now, I'll get social security benefits." She walked to the window and opened it. "Jump."

Clark looked at her in disbelief. "You're kidding right?" When she didn't answer, he continued. "You really think that Superman would let his best friend die?" Clark was almost hoping that he could. The wrath of Mad Dog Lane — or was it Mad Dog Kent — in full swing was more than even he was strong enough to deal with, and this tantrum was going to be a doozy.

Lois just glared at him and pointed. "Out. Now."

"You really want me dead?"

Lois just looked.

*Well, she's already so mad, she really couldn't get any madder. Maybe I should jump and then fly back in and announce to her that I AM Superman. It can't get any worse than it already is.* He took another look at her. *Nah*, he thought, knowing from the set of her jaw that to make her madder was stupid. "Sit down, Lois. And close the window. I am not jumping."

Lois sighed and closed the window. She crossed to the table and sat down, close to tears.

"Now tell me all about it. How did you find out about this?"

"Well, a little while ago this guy comes in here. I was working on my novel and this guy starts asking for Mrs. Kent. I ignored him until he started getting annoying and I told him there was no Mrs. Kent here. He asked me if I was Lois Kent. I told him no, I was Lois Lane. Well, then you are Lois Kent. I told him no I wasn't. He said yes I was and what's more my husband and I — that's you, you know — were defrauding the IRS. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about and please leave me alone. He told me about the law. I told him that was crazy, but he assured me that, no, it was real and that I WAS Mrs. Kent."

"Lois, you're babbling again."

"Is that all you can think about? That I'm babbling? We have bigger problems than that. Apparently, we are legally married and trying to defraud the IRS!"

"Is the thought of being married to me that horrible?"

Lois just glared at him. "You are not funny. Don't start with me."

"Fine, Lois, whatever. Would you mind explaining to me exactly how we are in trouble with the IRS?"

"I don't know — I think he said something about a marriage penalty that we were avoiding or something. I really wasn't paying attention. The fact that," her voice turned to a hiss, "we are married really threw me for a loop! He left his card and said to call soon or else."

"Marriage penalty? I don't know anything about that. We can ask Joe, the financial editor — he'll be able to tell us."

Lois stood in front of him and poked a finger into his chest. "We are NOT telling ANYONE do you understand me? The only person who is going to know is the lawyer who gets us a divorce or an annulment or whatever."

"Come on. My mom's always wanted a daughter. She'd be thrilled!"

He got another patented Lane glare. He was going to have to change his thinking — it was now a patented *Kent* glare. At least he wanted it to be. He was going to have to find a way to convince her that this really wasn't such a bad idea, especially if he could do it without revealing the whole Superman business.

"Clark, I am not going to stay married to you. That is all there is to it. You know I'm never marrying. Unless it's Superman — but he just isn't the marrying kind you know. What am I saying? Of course you know. Somehow, you can get a hold of him anytime, night or day without screaming for help. He won't even tell *me* how to do that! So you are the privileged one, not me! I can't imagine how wonderful marriage to him would be." Her voice dropped as she imagined dancing on air. "Never mind. It will never happen. What we need to figure out is how we are going to get a divorce!"

"Do we have to?"

Lois exploded. "Of course we have to! I am NOT staying married to a hack from Nowheresville!"

Clark grimaced. "Are we back to that again? I thought we had gotten beyond that."

"We have. But I am still not staying married to you!"

"Lois, I was raised in a small farming community with old fashioned family values and I'm sorry, but divorce just wasn't one of them."

"Oh, don't even start, Kent. We are getting a divorce and that's all there is to it."

Neither one heard Perry walk in. "What in tarnation are you two talking about?"

Clark answered first. "We got married, Chief. Can we have some time off for a honeymoon?"

"I told you not to start with me, Kent. You are not funny. Chief, we need time off to get a divorce."

"What are you two yapping about?"

Lois explained ending with, "I am not staying married to Clark Kent."

"I don't believe this, kids. What kind of laws are these? I think there's a story here. And you two are going to write it."

"What?!" "No way." Both reporters exploded at the same time.

Perry gave them his best 'I'm your editor and you do what I say' look. "You two are writing the story. Now go find yourselves a lawyer, if that's what you want, and get it sorted out."

Lois just looked at him in disbelief. "What do you mean if that's what we want? Of course that's what we want. Right, Clark?" Clark just sat there with a grin on his face. "CLARK!"

"Right, honey. Whatever you want." Clark knew he was on thin ice, but he was having too much fun. Besides, he knew how to swim and he never got cold.

"Well, think about it, Lois. You already know he's a good cook and you've got him trained to come when you call. He knows all your little quirks and for some reason he sticks around anyway. It doesn't get any better than that. Trust me, I know."

"Quirks? I don't have any quirks."

"Sure, Lois. Whatever you say. Now get on it, kids. Talk to Bob in legal. He'll get you in touch with a lawyer. NOW GO!"

Lois and Clark scampered out of the conference room and onto the story.

Some time later they were sitting in the office of Tom Smith, Metropolis' leading divorce lawyer.

Tom looked at the couple sitting in front of him. So this was the famous Lane and Kent. He read their articles all the time. They looked like they belonged together. He wondered why they needed him. He didn't have to wait long. "Miss Lane. Mr. Kent. What can I do for you?" He shook hands with them as he said it. As he shook Clark's hand, he noticed the familiar grin from the billboards around town.

"Actually, it's Mrs. Kent. And that's why we're here."

Tom noticed the fire that shot out of *Mrs. Kent's* eyes. Apparently, she wasn't happy with the situation. "Well, tell me what's going on? I hadn't heard that you two got married."

Lois took over from there. "We didn't know either. Not until today. Do you know about the stupid law on the books that if you check into a hotel as a married couple, it's legal?" She didn't even acknowledge his nod. "Well, that's crazy. We were undercover, working on a story about six months ago. We checked into a hotel as a couple on their honeymoon, got the story and that was it. No hanky panky or anything like that. Don't start, Kent." Tom saw him shut his mouth quickly, trying to hide a grin. "This is absolutely crazy. It is absurd! What kind of place has laws like this? Who wrote these things?"

Clark stopped her in mid-babble. "Lois, honey. You're babbling again."

"Don't 'honey' me, Clark." She took a deep breath. "Mr. Smith, how do we get out of this?"

Tom smiled. If there was ever a couple that belonged together, it was these two. One of the reasons he was the leading lawyer in his field was that he knew when to encourage a couple to stay together and when to help them end it. This wouldn't be easy but it could be fun. He knew he could help them stay together. The problem would be that Mr. Kent might not enjoy what was about to happen. Oh, well. He'd get over it if it worked.

"Well, there's a couple of things that we could do. The most obvious is a divorce. In order to do that, you need to answer some questions for me." He reached into his desk and pulled out a piece of paper. "Let's see… Has your husband cheated on you?"

"Well, no."

"Is he a drunk?"

"No."

"Does he ever hurt you?"

"No."

"In fact, I usually save her life." Clark grinned again.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm eternally grateful. What are our other options?" Lois was all business.

"He's never abused you?"

"No."

"Does he do illegal drugs?"

"No."

"Abuse legal ones?"

"No."

"Are there any children either living or on the way?"

"No. Of course not."

"Well, that makes things a little more difficult. Now, in New Troy, that would mean that any and all assets obtained since the marriage would be split evenly."

"No way."

"Excuse me, Mrs. Kent?"

"I am NOT Mrs. Kent. And I got a inheritance a couple of months ago and I am NOT sharing it with Clark."

"Okay, so a divorce is out then. The other option is an annulment, but I don't know if that will work either."

It was Clark's turn to ask the question. "What exactly is an annulment?"

"An annulment is a dissolving of the marriage. As though it never happened."

Lois stood up. "That's what we want. Where do we sign?"

Tom laughed and motioned for her to sit down. Once she did, he continued. "There are some forms to fill out and other things to sign. Let's see." He dug through the file drawer of his desk. "Here we go. Papers for the Annulment of Marriage. Who are we saying is asking for the annulment?"

Lois spoke up quickly. "Me. I am."

With that he filled out the basic information. Names, dates, addresses and so on. Then came the fun part. He couldn't wait to see how this worked out. "Now, Mrs. Kent, why are you asking for an annulment?"

"Because I don't want to be married to him."

"That's not good enough. There is one other way, but I'm not sure how it will work."

"What is it?"

"Has the marriage ever been consummated?"

"NO! NEVER! I DON'T THINK SO!"

Clark looked pained. "Am I THAT repulsive?"

Lois ignored him. "No, the marriage has not been consummated."

"Well, is it due to, ah, how to put this delicately? Let's see, inadequacies on the part of Mr. Kent?"

"How should I know?"

"Well, that is the only way, I am afraid."

"Well, then yes, Clark is inadequate."

It was Clark's turn to explode. "WHAT? We are NOT getting an annulment based on MY supposed inadequacies. That is NOT going to happen."

Tom smiled. It was going perfectly.

***

Lois and Clark walked into her apartment. He braced himself for the tirade that was about to come. "I can't believe you. We were so close to that annulment! I don't believe you would do this to me. All you have to say is that you aren't the man you think you are and be done with it."

"Lois, this is crazy. I am not admitting to the world that *I* am inadequate. It will be public record. Anyone who wants to look can. And if we have to write this article for Perry, someone will look and it will be all over the tabloids. And if we say it wasn't true — don't give me that look. You have no IDEA if it's true or not! — then we were lying and we add perjury to our problems. We are NOT doing this."

"Well, then what do you suggest, *husband*?" The venom that shot out of her made him wince at the word.

"Well, Perry had a point."

"What point was that?"

"I *AM* a good cook!"

"Don't even think it, Clark. Now you need to leave. I am going to bed."

"Well, then shouldn't I stay?" His voice was teasing, but his words were serious. What he wouldn't give to spend a night in her arms — no 'hanky panky', just to hold her.

"OUT! NOW!" she opened the door and waited. He sighed and left.

"Think about it?" He gave her his best puppy dog eyes.

The door slammed in his face.

***

Lois couldn't sleep. She just tossed and turned. On the one hand she was furious at Clark and the lawyer and the system and the IRS agent and Perry and anyone else who came to mind. On the other hand was Clark. That's all. Just Clark. He DID know all of her quirks, and she knew she had many. For some reason she had let him inside all of her defenses. *And he IS a good cook. Lois, what are you thinking?! This is crazy! You aren't actually considering staying married to him, are you? No way!* She thought about his comments throughout the day. His voice had been teasing when he referred to her as 'honey' or any of the other comments he had made. But, if she thought about it, and was honest with herself, there had been a little bit of something else there, too. Was it hope? Did he — could he — want to stay married to her?

She sighed. It wasn't possible. He was her partner. Her best friend. That's all. Nothing more, nothing less. He felt the same way about her — she knew it. Or did she? The more she thought about it, the more she realized that he might feel something more for her. It didn't matter — she loved Superman.

She vacillated between these two emotions for hours. About four a.m., she fell into a restless sleep.

***

Lois was sitting, tied up in a hangar. And there was Clark. Talking with her and promising never to reveal what she said about Claude. There had been no Superman.

Lois was tied up, again, this time in a warehouse. Next thing she knew, there was Clark, untying her and helping her get out. There had been no Superman.

Lois was sitting at her desk, laughing her head off. Clark was next to her making a silly face and doing a perfect imitation of Perry. There had been no Superman.

Lois was sitting at a dinner for two. Clark came out of the kitchen with a steaming plate of penne paste. They had laughed and talked and shared chocolate cake. There had been no Superman.

Lois was walking in the park with a cup of chocolate ice cream. Next to her with those chocolate eyes and smiling face was Clark. There had been no Superman.

Lois was sitting on her couch, crying her eyes out because she found out that her dad was making cyborgs. Clark was holding her and comforting her. There had been no Superman.

Lois was dancing. Her eyes closed. She felt like she was floating on air. Only one man could make her feel this way. She opened her eyes. There was no Superman.

Only Clark.

***

She sat straight up in bed. She was drenched with sweat. What did it all mean? Did she — could she — really love Clark instead of Superman? Was it possible? All she really knew was that she didn't want to lose Clark. Superman was a good friend, but Clark. Clark she couldn't live without. She loved him.

She stood up and wrapped her robe around her. She walked to her window, the one that was always open, and called softly, "Superman. I need to talk to you."

She went and sat on the couch, knowing what she needed to do.

There was a familiar WOOSH! and there he was. She didn't look up. "Thank you for coming."

"I'd never NOT come, Lois. You know that."

Lois sighed. "I know."

"Are you even going to look at me?"

"No. I need to say this and I couldn't if I looked at you."

"Go ahead."

She told him the whole story. About the undercover assignment. The marriage. The lawyer. Everything. Well, not everything. She left out the whole inadequacy thing. Superman grinned to himself, knowing what she had left out.

"So there it is. I'm married to Clark. I love him. And if he agrees, I'd like it to stay that way. Do you understand?"

"Perfectly."

"You do?" Lois finally looked at him.

***

(IF you want her to see Clark go to #1. IF you want her to see Superman, go to #2.) Make sure to read the end — last page — no matter what you choose

And there stood Clark. There had been no Superman.

"Wha…? What are you doing here? How did you get in?"

"Lois, close your eyes."

"What?"

"Please."

Lois did as she was told. She heard a whistling noise. "Open them." There stood Superman. As resplendent as ever in his red, blue and yellow.

Lois felt like sinking into the floor and into the center of the earth. *No, he'd come after me. Did what I think happen, just happen? Is Clark Superman? Is Superman Clark?* Could it be true?

She looked up at him again. "Clark?"

"Yes."

She sat there. It hit her. Clark was Superman. *She* was married to Clark. CLARK WAS SUPERMAN! *She* was MARRIED to Superman! The realization finally hit her. This was good. This was very good. She had realized that she loved Clark, not Superman, and now she had both.

His soft voice interrupted her reverie. She looked at him, sitting beside her, his glasses firmly in place, his Clark clothes on. "Are you mad?"

She smiled through the tears that were streaming down her face. "No, I'm not."

"Can you ever forgive me?"

"I can."

"Do you still want to stay married to me?"

Lois looked at him. She reached out and took his face in her hands. And kissed him. A soft, sweet kiss. A first real kiss. "I think we can call Tom Smith and tell him we won't need him after all."

He smiled at her and kissed her again. "Good. I'm glad. My mom always wanted a daughter!"

She smiled at him, their faces inches apart. "One other thing."

"Anything."

"Are you sure about that whole no inadequacies thing?"

He grinned. "Why don't we go find out?"

"I'd like that." And as he kissed her again, he picked her up and carried her into the other room. "We're going to have to ask Perry for that time off after all."

"We sure are. And I'll take you anywhere you want."

"Right now, all I want is you."

And they lived happily ever after!

And the IRS thing, well, that's a whole other story!

***

Superman stood there, as resplendent as ever in his blue, red and yellow, arms crossed in front of him. It was the pose she knew so well. He seemed to be taking it rather well, all things considered.

"Yes, Lois. I understand. Would you like me to tell him that you want to talk to him?"

Lois smiled. "No, thank you. But I'd like to tell him myself."

"I understand." He stood in the window, ready to leave.

"And Superman?"

"Yes."

"The window won't be open anymore."

"I know."

"Thank you."

"Anytime." He flew off, smiling.

***

Lois stood in front of the door to Clark's apartment. She couldn't quite work up the courage to knock on the door. She didn't know how he was going to take this. Finally, she took a deep breath and just knocked. A minute later, she heard noises inside.

"Coming." Clark opened the door, looking slightly disheveled, wearing a T-shirt and shorts. "Lois? What are you doing here?"

Lois walked in. She was nervous. What had she been thinking? Telling Superman to leave? Telling Superman that she loved Clark. That was crazy.

"Lois, are you okay?"

"Fine. I'm fine." She was pacing around his living room. "No, I'm not fine. I've been married for six months and didn't even know it. I didn't even want to be married. You wouldn't help me get the annulment. You have been acting like a silly school boy all day. All you've done is tease me about this. I couldn't sleep tonight I was so mad. I was furious. And when I finally did fall asleep, I had weird dreams. Really strange dreams. They were about Superman. But they weren't. He wasn't ever there. I need to be rescued from a hanger and Superman wasn't there. I was tied up in a warehouse and no Superman. I was laughing at my desk and there was no Superman. I was eating penne pasta and he wasn't there. I was walking through the park, eating chocolate ice cream, but again no Superman. I was crying my eyes out, and he wasn't there for me. I was dancing and I thought I was floating on air. I thought I was in his arms, but he wasn't there. He wasn't anywhere. When I opened my eyes to tell him that I loved dancing with him, there was no Superman." Lois stopped and looked at Clark sitting on the couch with a neutral look on his face. "There was you. All those times, there was no Superman. There was you. Clark. And I realized that all the times that I really needed someone, YOU are the one who was there for me. YOU are the one I can't imagine my life without. Superman comes in handy for saving my life and stuff sometimes and he is a really good friend, but when I think about my life, there is only you. Always you. And I don't want a divorce. Or an annulment. Are you just going to sit there or are you going to stop me? I'm babbling. I always babble. But you know that. You know all of my quirks and yet you are still there for me. You can stop me anytime now." She looked at him expectantly.

"Lois, do you mean it?"

"Yes." The word was barely a whisper.

"Oh, Lois." He was standing next to her, holding her in his arms. She could feel his breath playing with the hair on her forehead. "I love you, too."

Lois looked up at him. "You do?"

"More than life itself."

She leaned up to kiss him, but he pulled back. "There's something I have to tell you first. Maybe you better sit down."

Lois allowed herself to be led to the couch. He sat down next to her, took her hands and looked deep into her eyes. "Lois, I love you. I have loved you since the moment you walked into Perry's office that first day. Nothing since then has diminished that love. And I have to admit, when you told me that we were married, I couldn't have been happier. All I wanted was for you to decide that it wasn't so bad after all and that you wanted to stay married. But there's something I have to tell you. Lois, I'm different. Different than anyone else. And because I'm different, I've had to lie to the people closest to me, including you. Don't say anything. Please, let me finish. In the beginning, you didn't like me all that much and I couldn't just tell my secret to anyone. So I kept it from you. We became friends, best friends, and then I was afraid of what you would think, of how mad you would be. How mad you are going to be. I've wanted to tell you for a long time now, but the timing was never right." Lois sat silent, wondering what the big news could be. "Here it is." Clark couldn't bring himself to just say it, so he went at it the roundabout way. "The reason I can get a hold of Superman so easily is because I know his secret identity."

"Superman has a secret identity? That's the big secret? I wondered if he did, but it's really not that big a deal. I wish he had told me, but I understand why he couldn't."

Clark breathed a big sigh of relief. "I was hoping you'd say that. You see, Lois, the reason I know his secret identity, is because, I… I AM Superman." He took his glasses off and sat there, waiting.

***

Lois just stared at him. This couldn't be happening. Clark was Superman? He had taken his glasses off and as she looked closer, she could see that it really was him. Superman. The Man of Steel. And she was mad. Very mad.

"How dare you? How dare you keep this from me? I am your best friend! I am an investigative reporter. How did I not know this? You must think I am galactically stupid."

"No. Lois, I could never…"

"Save it, Clark, Superman, whoever you are."

"Lois, Clark is who I am, Superman is what I can do."

Lois stood up. "I … I have to go. Bye." And she left.

Clark sank back into the couch. He had blown it.

***

Lois walked out of the building. Tears were running down her cheeks. How could he do this to her? How could he let her open her heart up to him and then tell her something like that? Wait. He had said he was Superman. She had opened up to Superman earlier. Told him all about Clark. The tears came even faster. She WAS galactically stupid. How many times had she gushed over Superman to Clark? How many times had she told Superman things that she would never tell anyone else, not even Clark?

All day, Lois walked. And walked. And walked. She went over everything in her mind. Clark was Superman. No wonder he was never around when Superman was saving someone. That explained all of the times he ran off to return a video or a library book. Come to think of it, she'd never even seen him at the library. She sighed. And then the cycle would start all over. She was mad. She was hurt. She was angry. She was … torn.

She finally reached a decision. With determination written all over her face, she walked toward the office of the Daily Planet.

***

(If you want her to be okay with it go to #1 If you don't, go to #2)

Whatever you choose, read the last page.

Clark was sitting at his desk trying to do research for the story he was supposed to be writing about the marriage law. He couldn't concentrate. It was almost two in the afternoon and Lois still hadn't shown her face. The elevator opened and there she was. Clark didn't even have to look to know it was her.

Lois walked in and her heart skipped a beat when she saw Clark sitting there. She could tell by the way his shoulders were slumped over that he wasn't having a good day.

She hoped that was about to change.

She took a deep breath. "Excuse me, everyone. Can I have your attention please?" The newsroom stopped. When Lois talked, everyone listened. "I have an announcement to make." Clark stood up and watched her. "About six months ago, Clark and I checked into a hotel as newlyweds for an undercover assignment. As it turns out, there is a law in New Troy that says if you do that, you are legally married. So, yes, that means that Clark and I are married. And, if he'll have me, I'd like it to stay that way." The whole newsroom turned to stare at him. "Clark?" He swallowed hard and nodded. She ran down the ramp and into his arms. He swung her around, holding on like he'd never let go. They just stood there for the longest time, not hearing the cheering of the newsroom, Jimmy's shouted, "Go, CK! Go, Lois!", the gruff voice of Perry telling everyone to get back to work and they didn't see the knowing smile as he went back into his office.

Finally, Clark put her down and stepped back just enough to see her face. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, Clark. I am. All day all I could think about was that you had lied to me and that I was fool to love you. But then I realized what it all boiled down to. I LOVE YOU! That's all that really matters."

"And you're sure?"

"Yes. Now, do you think that Superman would fly us somewhere for that honeymoon and we can, uh, prove that you are NOT inadequate?"

"PERRY!"

"What?"

"We're taking a couple of days off."

"Take two weeks." But they didn't hear him. Their lips met in a soft, sweet kiss that neither wanted to end.

And they lived happily ever after.

And the IRS — well, that's a whole other story.

***

Lois walked in and her heart skipped a beat when she saw Clark sitting there. She could tell by the way his shoulders were slumped over that he wasn't having a good day.

It wasn't going to get any better.

Clark, ignoring the looks of those around him, followed her. He shut the door behind him. "Lois. Don't go. I will. You belong here."

"No, Clark, it's time for me to move on."

"I'll give you the annulment, if that's what you want. You can say whatever you want as a reason." Clark's head hung down, his chin almost touching his chest.

"You would do that for me?"

"Yes."

Lois looked at him. She loved him. She knew that and that would never change. "You don't have to."

"I will."

"No, I mean you don't have to." Clark realized that she was standing in front of him. "I love you, Clark. And it's going to take some getting used to that you can, you know." And she made a flying motion. "I don't think we should take that honeymoon right away, but soon. If you can wait, soon."

"Lois, I'd wait until the end of the world for you."

"I hoped you'd say that." She smiled. They kissed.

And they lived happily ever after.

And the IRS, well that's another story.

***

End — read no matter what you chose!

[This is especially for Melisma!]

Lois and Clark walked into the IRS office. It had been six weeks since they had found out they were married. And despite everything, they were happy. There had been a few problems at first, the whole Superman issue, but things got better fast. They had gone back to see Tom Smith and tell him that they didn't need his services after all. He had smiled and said he knew they wouldn't. He showed them the form — there was no line about Clark being, well, inadequate. Clark was mad, but just for a minute. If Tom had just let them say the marriage had been unconsummated at the time then the marriage would have been annulled and that would have been the end of that. Maybe. Who knows what would have happened? Clark was glad they didn't have to find out.

And so here they were. No longer did they wonder about Clark's issues; he didn't have any. In fact, they were both very happy. Except that this IRS thing didn't want to go away.

"Clark and Lois Kent?"

They stood up and walked into the office of Brent Dodge, the IRS agent who had first broken the news to Lois. Lois looked at Clark nervously and he squeezed her hand gently. They sat down across the desk from Brent Dodge. He started.

"Well, Mr. and Mrs. Kent, it appears from your tax returns that you were trying to defraud the IRS."

Clark spoke up. "Mr. Dodge, how do you figure that we were trying to defraud the IRS?"

"Well, you filed separate *single* tax returns. Deductions are higher for two single people filing separately than they are for a married couple. So between the two of you, you claimed around $3000 too much."

"We didn't even know we were married."

"That doesn't matter. Under the law you were married. That's all that matters."

"But…"

"No, buts. Refigured your total tax between the two of you…" He used his adding machine. He asked a few more questions about deductions and came up with a new figure. He looked at it in disbelief. "It appears that *we* owe you money. That can't be right." He mumbled to himself and re-added. He sighed. "It appears that we owe you $750. You'll have a check in, well, seven to ten years. Have a nice day." He stood up and walked out.

Lois and Clark looked at each other. They stood up to walk out and looked at each other again. She grabbed him around the neck and giggled. "I love you."

"You just love me because we are getting money from the IRS."

"You know it!"

Together, arm in arm, they walked out of the IRS. Content and happy.

THE END