By Alicia U. <> or <>

Rated PG

Submitted March 2000

Summary: This story is set after the episode "Contact," right after Clark broke up with Lois "for her own good." It reconciles some of the emotions which Clark was probably feeling after his decision.

Author's note: This story is set after "Contact" right after Clark broke up with Lois "for her own good." This reconciles some of the emotions I am sure Clark was feeling after his decision, even though I know I am taking some liberties with the episode. And it is also a little of what I thought should have happened. The song is called "Meanwhile…" and it was written by Fred Knobloch and Wayland Holyfield, and is performed by George Strait on his "Always Never the Same" album. ***

A dejected Clark Kent flew in through his bedroom window. What had he just done? He had to do it; that was obvious. But why, if it was the right thing to do, did he have such a horrible knot forming in the pit of his stomach?

He needed to protect Lois at all costs, even if that meant sacrificing the one thing that made him feel as normal as an alien with superpowers could in this world. No matter how much he loved her, he had to break up with her. If he and Lois took their relationship any farther, or even possibly got married, and if people found out that Lois was his wife, every criminal alive would use her as a lure for him.

This had happened again just recently, and Lois had nearly died because of it. Her life was more valuable than his own happiness; that was for sure. What was he thinking, trying to create a normal life for himself? He was Superman, so how could he dare want anything more? It was his own selfish tendencies that had put Lois at risk today. As much as he loved Lois, he couldn't take the chance that she might get hurt because of him. She just meant too much to him. So he had obviously made the right decision.

Earlier, at her apartment, she had looked so happy to see him. She had that shine in her eyes that made her irresistible to him. Her eyes were like a drug for him, the only thing on Earth that could intoxicate him. When she got that look in her eyes, he was putty in her hands, and he would give her whatever she wanted; he'd even fly to the moon if she asked him to. However, today Clark resolutely decided to talk first, not to let her get a word in edgewise. He was right, and he couldn't have her trying to contradict him. His resolve wasn't as firm as it could have been, and one look into her eyes would make him lose his conviction.

He walked into her room, dressed as Superman, and firmly avoided any eye contact with her. She obviously wanted to tell him something, and she was obviously happy about it, but he didn't give her the opportunity to talk. If he had even heard her sweet voice, he would not have been able to stick to his resolution. He had to break up with her so that she would no longer be in danger.

He snuck a quick glance over towards her bed. She had a concussion, and she still looked like she was feeling the effects. Maybe it wasn't the best time to spring such a decision on her, but the longer he waited, the less likely he would be able to stick to his decision. One look at her face would make him change his mind.

So, against her protests, he explained to her how they needed to break up. Her face dropped; she obviously was not very happy about the situation, but he had already made his decision. He turned his back so he couldn't see the tears streaming down her cheeks, and he flew away quickly so he couldn't hear her sniffling.

When he got home, Clark spun into a pair of sleep shorts and flopped onto his bed. He then turned on the radio to a country music station, and George Strait's sweet, baritone voice floated out from the speakers…

*She sparkles she dazzles

*She lights up the room

*We walk together to a table for two

*Every man stares but her eyes are only for me

*We take to the dance floor, she squeezes my hand

*I can't believe how lucky I am.

Images of the first time they had danced together as a formal couple, during their first date, only a few months ago floated through his consciousness. Lois truly had lit up the entire room. She was the single most beautiful, ethereal creature he had ever laid his eyes on. Everything about her made Clark go weak in the knees. He loved the way her hair framed her lovely face, the way her high cheekbones were so well-accentuated in the restaurant's light, the way her dress clung to certain parts of her anatomy, and, most importantly, the way she looked at him. The sparkle in her eyes could not be mistaken. She was in love with him, and she only had eyes for him. Of all the men she could have had, she had chosen him. He was absolutely the luckiest man in the world.

They glided across the floor to a song he could no longer remember the words to, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway. Each was so lost in the other's arms that the music no longer mattered. The only important thing was that they were finally together, after two years of denying their feelings, and it just felt so right. Clark could almost still feel her soft skin next to his, feel her warm breath on his cheek, smell the slight flowery scent of her shampoo, touch the silky fabric of her dress, feel her warm hands around his neck, and see the look of pure contentment on her face. That look of contentment was something he had never expected to see on his partner's face.

It was as if they both knew that they belonged together. That night had been perfect, the best night of his life, the night when he finally felt like he belonged on this planet.

But now he had blown it. Even if he wanted her back, she would never take him. Besides, he was right; if Lois loved him, she would become a target for every criminal in Metropolis, as well as the rest of the world. People would use her to get to him, and he couldn't let that happen. He loved her too much to let that happen. He had to do whatever he could to protect her, even if that meant making her hate him and depriving himself of his one true love.


*Back in the back of my memory

*You're still dancin' with me

*And I'm holding you once again


Clark's treacherous mind floated back to that same night, when they shared their first kiss as a couple. Their lips had touched, ever so gently at first. And then Lois gently pried his lips open with her tongue, pushing it into his mouth. At first he was shocked at her boldness, but excited at the sensations he felt at her touch. Their passionate kiss lasted longer than either of them could count, and each of them knew that this was where they belonged. Their bodies fit together perfectly, almost like God had made them especially for each other.

Clark's body ached as he thought of that kiss and all of the others they had shared since then. But none of that mattered now. What mattered was that Lois was safe, and no one was going to hurt her because of him any more.

As the song continued, a single tear rolled down Clark's cheek. Was he really doing the right thing breaking up with her? She was the love of his life, and he missed her so desperately already.

*We move to the end of a beautiful night

*Tender the kisses, soft candlelight

*She draws the curtains, slowly we climb up the stairs

*And reach for each other, the passion begins

*We fall together as lovers and then

Clark grabbed his pounding head and buried it in his pillow. He didn't want to imagine what could have been between himself and Lois. They hadn't made love yet, neither exactly sure when they would be ready, but it was something that Clark ached for. He had known from the moment he had set eyes on her that Lois was the woman he had saved himself for. But now it would never happen, and he would remain a virgin forever.

Parts of his body protested violently as he pushed thoughts of Lois to the nether reaches of his brain. His primal side told him to fly right over there right now and take her in his arms for now and forever. However, his rational side, or what was left of it, told him that he had done the right thing, and that he couldn't ever let Lois get hurt again that way.


*Back in the back of my memory

*You're still lying with me

*And I'm holding you once again

*And I try and I try, Lord knows I do

*But each time my heart beats back to you

Another tear rolled down Clark's cheek as he realized how true the words of the song were. He fought the urge to don the suit and fly over to apologize to Lois, and he buried his head into his pillow, trying to fall asleep. However, he had forgotten that he left the radio on.


*I'll go on living my life now

*I'll find a way somehow

*But meanwhile…

*Back in the back of my memory,

*You'll always be with me

*But I'll never hold you again

All night long, Clark slept fitfully, dreaming of the life he could have, and should have had with Lois. He tossed and turned in bed, occasionally waking up and realizing he had the phone in his hand. He wanted to call her, to apologize and make everything better. Things could go back to the way they used to be. This was the biggest mistake he had ever made in his life. Yet something inside of him kept telling his heart that he and Lois could not be together, and that force was the only think that kept him from flying over to Lois' apartment and taking her in his arms and holding her forever.

*And meanwhile…

The next morning, Clark was jarred awake by someone who sounded eerily like Lois shouting, "Help, Superman!" It sounded like it was coming from around Lois' apartment. Clark hopped out of bed and spun into the suit as quickly as he could. He flew the fastest he ever had over to Lois' apartment. It was Lois screaming for him, but she was in no trouble at all.

"Lois, what's the matter?"

Lois blinked her eyes several times, looking at Clark incredulously. "You sure have some nerve, Kent. You dare ask me what's the matter. Do you know what I was going to tell you yesterday before you came barging in here?"

Clark shook his head timidly. He was right. Lois hated him.

"Clark, I was going to tell you I'd marry you. I love you so much, Clark. You know that I got into and out of plenty of trouble myself before I even met you, Clark. You can't change that no matter how much you try. I am going to take yesterday's little outburst as just that, an emotional outburst caused by stress. I'm right, aren't I, Clark?"

Clark blinked several times before he could see straight again. Leave it to Lois to leave him speechless again! He nodded slowly, not entirely sure what he was agreeing to. The more he looked at Lois, the less his rational side invaded his thoughts. He wanted to be with Lois more than anything else in the world. He'd give anything to hold her in his arms forever, to wake up with her every morning and fall asleep next to her every night for the rest of his lift. Against all the odds, and his better judgment, it looked like he might have that opportunity. Clark thanked whatever deity that had been looking out for him, and just nodded his head in agreement.

"Good, that's what I thought." Lois smiled a huge smile that radiated her love across her whole face. "And I know you were just kidding when you told me that you had to break up with me, but that was NOT a funny joke! Don't ever do it again if you know what's good for you!"

What else could Clark do other than smile and nod? He had his love back, and after that fitful, sleepless night, he had realized that her love was all he ever wanted and needed. Clark smiled as he floated towards her. She extended her arms towards him and they embraced. It was the most powerful experience either had ever had. Electricity passed between them, and when they broke their embrace, neither could remember exactly why Clark had originally decided to end their relationship. From this moment on, they would be together, and nothing would ever come between them again. They were meant for each other, soulmates, and they would spend the rest of eternity in each other's arms.

Lois looked up into Clark's eyes after their embrace had broken. "So, Clark, where's my ring?"