The Great Clarkeny

By Maria TB Mendoza <>

Rated G

Submitted November 1999

Summary: In this short, humorous story, Lois starts to consider all sorts of far-fetched reasons for Clark's continual disappearing acts.

Author's apology: OK, I am apologizing for this one up front. I blame it on too little sleep and too many chocolate cookies. It is a nice little comedy piece set in the beginning of Lois and Clark's partnership and is meant entirely for those who aren't too fond of pesky things like plot and common sense.


<At first, it didn't bother me too much. I mean, I know I can come off as a little…strong willed. I'm used to people taking a while to get used to me. So, when he first started doing it, I just thought he was a little nervous or something. Lots of people, when they're nervous, try and get away for a moment to calm down. I can accept that; I don't like it, but I can accept it. But now I've known him for a while. There is something more going on here. He can be as calm as anyone else can when the pressure is on. So why does he do it?

I thought for a while that he might be a mole for another paper. That he was running off to leak our stories to someone else so they could try and scoop us. Obviously, Farmboy is WAY too much a Boy Scout for that. Ditto for the theory that he was working for some crime lord or an ex-con afraid of someone recognizing him. He is just too much of a good guy to ever break the law without an extremely good reason. So I'm back where I started. Why does he do it?

I've got it! It's obvious. He's a magician! He's just working as a reporter to help pass the time. One day he'll show up wearing a cape and top hat and declare that he is really "THE GREAT CLARKENY: MASTER OF DISAPEARING." That's it. He disappears on me to help keep up his skill; and while he's gone, he brushes up on his slight of hand on street corners for change. Yea, that must be it. My new partner is a closet magician. Sounds good to me.>

"Hey, Lois, would you like to go to dinner?"

Tearing herself from her mental ramblings, Lois looked up at the man who she had been thinking about. "Sure. You're buying."

"Whatever you say, Lois."

Watching him walk toward the elevators and suddenly turn at the top of the stairs, I had to stifle giggles.

"Lois? You coming?"

"Yea. I'm coming. Just a sec." Grabbing my purse and coat, I walked toward him.

"Mind telling me what's so funny?"

"Just remembering something." Staring at him, I had a sudden sense of double vision. Over the man beside me, a man in a simple suit and slightly corny tie appeared, another man in a black tux and top hat waving a cane and disappearing. I chuckle again.


"It's nothing." Fighting to control my imagination, I got in the elevator to go to dinner with my partner. But, as I watch him out of the corner of my eye, I can't help catching a glimpse of a red lined cape and white tipped cane. Grinning, I promise myself that, even if he isn't working on a career as a great disappearance artist, I will find out why he is always is such a hurry to leave in the middle of a conversation.