Cooking With The Kents

By IRC Teen Round Robin

Summary: Lois in the kitchen? When Lois wants to learn to cook, is Clark "superman" enough for the job?

An IRC Teen Round Robin Fanfic Written by SUPERfan (Cristin), Aliendove, Em-bop (Emily), Carrielu (Carrie), MuffySlay (Molly), and Beppo Coordinated by Cristin Whitley (SUPERfan) and Maggie Sabalones (SuperMags)

Hope you enjoy this! This was the result of the first-ever Teen Round Robin session, which took place on September 4th, 1998, on the undernet channel #TeenRR. Please send comments to or



Clark walked into the kitchen expecting to make himself a pop tart and be on his way. As he entered the room, he saw cookbooks, ingredients for every recipe imaginable, and, most surprisingly, Lois. 'Uh oh…what am I walking into this time?' he thought.

"Honey, *what* are you doing?" He hesitantly moved toward her.

"You mean what are *we* doing," she replied. "*And the answer is*, we are cooking, Clark. Today is the day you teach me to cook!" She smiled eagerly at him.

"Lo-is! It's our day off! Are you sure this is how you want to spend it? I mean…in the kitchen…cooking???"

"Don't give me that look!"

"What look?" he asked, the picture of innocence.

"That look that says 'Lois is cooking and I have to help'! It won't be that bad!" she insisted. "Now, let's get started!!" She grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the stack of cookbooks.


"Can't I have breakfast first?" he whined.

"No, Lunkhead, that's what we're ma—," she shut her mouth suddenly as he blurred through the kitchen, leaving papers flapping in his wake. She gazed at him, one hand on her hip as he flew around the room searching through the cabinets. "Oh ye of little faith."

Clark smiled around his mouthful of pop tart. "Don't worry, I have a big appetite."

"Well, as long as you're eating too…" Lois broke off a piece of the pop tart and popped it in her mouth with a grin. She turned toward the fridge. "Want some milk with that?"

"No, I'm fine," he shrugged.

Clark watched as she emerged from the fridge with a can of Diet Coke. "Ugh, how can you drink soda with breakfast?"

She shrugged and kicked the door shut. "There's nothing wrong with soda for breakfast."

Clark's eyes widened as he remembered how he had been juggling soda cans just an hour before. "Lois, wait, don't open that!"

She looked at him oddly. "Since when are you such a health food fanatic an—"

Clark shook his head as he watched his now soda soaked wife glare at him over the still foaming can. "And you haven't even started cooking…" He started laughing. "You know, Lois, that look on your face is priceless," he quipped, dodging behind the counter. He ducked and a spoon clattered off the wall behind him. "Too bad I don't have a camera." Clark was laughing so hard he had to grip the edge of the counter to remain standing. "Have you ever considered a career in advertising? 'Don't just drink Coke,'" he gasped between mirthful snorts, "'wear it too!' I'd juggle soda more often if I knew it would OOMPH," he tripped over a chair and she sat on top of him, "bring out this side in you."


"Are you finished laughing at me?" she asked, eager to start cooking.

"Um…" Clark considered her question. He was weighing all his options as she began to speak again.

"Clark…help me learn how to cook please?" Standing in front of him, she placed her arms around his middle. Pulling him to her she continued, "You don't want to eat KFC for the rest of your life do you?"

"Well, I always had a thing for chicken, *especially* a certain beautiful woman dressed in a chicken suit."

Lois turned pink as she felt his lips brush across hers.

Clark laughingly pulled away. "All right. What do you want to learn today then?"

"Well, I thought something chocolatey would be good…"

"Of course." Clark rolled his eyes. "But what about pasta? It's my favorite," he grinned. "Next to chicken," he playfully added.

"Aghh, stop!" she said.

"All right, all right. You win, let's get started."

Each chose an apron Lois had ready for them to wear. "See, honey, I was prepared for everything." She smiled up at him as he tied his around his waist.

Standing in the middle of the kitchen, she looked around, eager to begin.

"So what do we do now?"

"Wait, what is that smell?" Clark asked, sniffing the air in the kitchen. Within seconds, black smoke began rushing out of the toaster. "Uh oh."

"What is it?" Lois asked between coughs.

"Someone left a pop tart in the toaster." He grinned at her, holding the burnt pop tart in his hand. "It wasn't me!"


"Stop that!" she ordered. "Give me that." Grabbing the pop tart from his outstretched hand, she tossed its remains in the trash. "Since neither of us is in the mood for 'real' breakfast food I was thinking," she paused to look over at him, "that we should start with something we both like."

"Pasta, then?" Clark asked hopefully.

"Well…I really would rather make something chocolatey," she said. Then she added, jokingly, "Chocolate pasta sounds good to me!"

Clark grimaced at the thought.

"OK," Lois said, taking charge. "Let's clear away what I've put out and find what we need to make 'Chocolate Pasta a la Kent'." They hurriedly put what they didn't need back in place.

"First we need…well, the pasta. And then…chocolate. Do you think we should use chocolate syrup, or would chocolate milk powder work?" The very idea was making Clark sick…and he *never* got sick!

"Pasta, pasta…," Lois said, opening cupboards and drawers. "Where do we keep the pasta, honey?"

Clark pointed to a cupboard.

"Oh, good, you know where it is. All right…and chocolate. I know where we keep the chocolate!" she said proudly. She rummaged through the refrigerator and found a bottle of syrup. "Will you get the pasta, Clark?" she asked sweetly.

Clark got out the pasta. Then he filled a saucepan with water and started the water boiling. Lois watched in fascination.

"So *that's* how they get the pasta so soft. They cook it in water!" She went back to looking for more chocolatey things. "I always wondered about that."

While Clark was preparing the pasta, Lois assembled her portion of the ingredients: chocolate syrup, chocolate powder, milk, sugar, and…because it seemed like the thing to have…an egg.

"What's the egg for?" Clark asked.

Lois looked at the egg. "Well, I'm not exactly sure. But I was watching a cooking program on TV, and they always seem to have an egg. I figure it's for good luck or something…"

Clark tried not to laugh.

"Are you laughing at me?" she demanded.

"No," said Clark quickly.

"So, is that pasta ready yet? I want to put in the chocolate!"

"No, it's going to take a few minutes."

"Hmmm," Lois said absently, glancing at an open cupboard next to Clark.


"What?" Clark said, turning to see where Lois was pointing.

"We have popcorn! I love popcorn. How long has it been in that cupboard?" Lois asked.

Clark shrugged.

"Well, we *have* to make some. It's microwavable…I'm sure even *I* can figure out how to cook *that*," she joked, snatching the popcorn.

"What a great breakfast," said Clark. "Chocolate pasta and popcorn. Our mothers would be so proud!"


"Oh, give me a break, Clark! Our mothers aren't here!" she grinned. "That can be a very good thing…if you know what I mean." She started to move toward him.

Clark caught her drift and a big smile came over his face. "I see. What about that popcorn, honey?" he asked. "You seemed to really want some, and I was looking forward to you burning it," he grinned.

"Well, it doesn't have chocolate in the recipe." She put her arms around him. "And I can think of some other fires I'd rather start."

"Mmmm, let's just hope Jimmy doesn't come along with…a fire extinguisher," he said.

Lois pulled Clark even closer and began to kiss him. They were starting to head toward the bedroom when Clark stopped her.

"What? What do you hear?" she asked, groaning.

"Nothing…I seem to be stuck in this spot."

Lois shot him a confused look. "What are you talking about?" She looked around. Everything *appeared* normal.

He reached down and took off his shoe. "Yep, just as I expected," he said, showing her the bottom of his shoe.

"Gum? You stopped kissing me because of gum on your shoe? You better have a good explanation for this!" she teased him as she headed back to the kitchen.


Lois grabbed the popcorn off the counter and looked at the back of the box. "Hmmm…four minutes on high?" she said to herself.

Clark was about to take the box out of her hand, but he heard a cry for help. He gave Lois that 'I gotta go' look.

"Let me guess, someone needs Superman," she said with a sigh.

Clark nodded his head, "Uh…huh…"

"Okay, but don't take too long," Lois said before kissing him goodbye.

Clark smiled, removed his glasses, and spun into his super suit. "Lois, could you please not try to cook anything else before I get back? I would like to come home to a house and not a pile of ashes."

"I'll try my hardest," she grinned.

Clark nodded and flew off in a hurry.

Lois then grabbed some aluminum foil and put it around the popcorn. "That's what I'm supposed to do, right?" she asked herself. She stuffed it in the microwave and shrugged her shoulders. "Now what do I do?" she wondered. She headed back into the bedroom.

Meanwhile, the popcorn started to sizzle and pop…

"Pop, pop, pop…" Then an electric charge formed around the microwave. Sparks started to rise from the tin foil and soon the microwave started to smoke. The smoke alarm started to go off. Then, the microwave was engulfed inflames.

Lois rushed into the room wearing her favorite superman nightgown. She saw the fire and immediately reached for a glass of water. She then dumped it on the microwave. This, of course, started an electrical fire that set the coffee pot on fire.

"Ahh…Superman, help!" she yelled.

Superman soared into the room. "Oh…my…gosh! Lois, I leave you for one minute…" He breathed in a big puff of air and blew out the fire.


Lois smiled sheepishly over the smoldering ruins of their kitchen counter. She waved toward the stack of cookbooks on the kitchen table. At the top of the pile lay a bright yellow 'Cooking for Dummies' book subtitled '101 Things To Cook In a Microwave'.

"Guess we won't be needing this one," she grinned.

"Lois, how does this sound? I cook, you watch and learn."

Lois sighed. "Fine, but next time it's hands-on, buddy."

"Hands on what?" he leered, cocking an eyebrow at her.

She swatted at him. "Concentrate on cooking."

"Fine. Turn around and close your eyes."

"What? How am I supposed to watch and learn if I can't *watch* you?" she demanded.

"I'm making my mom's secret fudge recipe…I can't just give it away."


Clark turned her around to face the sink and flew into the living room at super speed to retrieve his latest issue of 'Modern Gourmet'. He returned in a whoosh and flipped to the article on homemade fudge.

Lois huffed impatiently. "Well!? Can I turn around yet!?"

"Not yet!" Clark replied, speed-reading through the ingredients and cooking instructions. Once he committed it to memory, he tossed the magazine into the trash bin and turned Lois around again.

"Now you can watch an expert at work," he said with a grin.

"Ha ha, funny boy. What should I do to help?"

"Grab me that Hershey's syrup, would ya?"

Lois, now happy to be involved in the cooking, rushed to get the syrup. Unfortunately, there was still egg yolk on the floor where she had dropped the obligatory egg.

Clark caught Lois as her feet flew out from under her. However, he couldn't save his face from the chocolatey mess she had accidentally imposed upon it.

They collapsed in a fit of laughter. "Oh, oops…I'm sorry…," Lois said. "But actually…it's not a bad look for you!"

"Oh, really?" said Clark. "Well, lets just see how it looks on you!" With that he lunged forward and planted a wet one on her lips.

Lois giggled. "Mmm, not bad," she murmured and closed in for seconds.

But then… "Ding Dong!"

Lois and Clark reluctantly parted lips and sighed. "Must be Jimmy," they said in unison.


Lois walked toward the door, opened it, and said, "Hi, Jimmy."

"How'd you know it was me? I didn't call or anything! Lois, have you been talking with Star again?" Jimmy asked.

"Jimmy," Lois said impatiently, "I assume you came over for a reason. It *is* mine and Clark's day off."

Jimmy started to explain and got about halfway through a word before he noticed the chocolate. "Lois, what is that stuff?"

Lois licked her finger. "Chocolate, of course. What does it look like?"

"Hmmm, personally I liked your cucumber oil better than the smell of chocolate…," Jimmy started.

"Hey, Jimmy," interrupted Clark. He had obviously done some super cleaning on himself since all the chocolate had miraculously disappeared from his face.

Clark was carrying a glass of orange juice. "Here you go, honey. It's freshly squeezed," he said, handing Lois the glass.

"Now, Jimmy, what brings you here today?" Clark asked.



"OK, you're *never* gonna believe this, guys!" Jimmy exclaimed excitedly.

"Try me," Lois said with a smirk.

"Forty-year-old senator died about an hour ago in his bathtub- -ask me how."

"OK, I'll bite," Clark said. "How?"

"He choked to death. Evidently on some rotten tomatoes! Even the coroner doesn't know what to make of it yet, but the police suspect foul play."

"Well, I'd say so!" Lois said. "How many men eat rotten tomatoes in a bathtub right before they die?"

"Wow! It *is* all weird in Metropolis!" Clark exclaimed.

"Well, I gotta go, guys. Chief just beeped me. Probably some emergency, like a shortage of corned beef on rye," Jimmy said with a smirk. "See ya later."

"Bye, Jimmy!" Lois and Clark replied in unison as they closed the door.

"Now, where were we?" asked Lois.

"Well," said Clark, "I think we were just starting on, mmm, dessert…"

"Oh yeah," said Lois. "Now, that, I can handle…"

They collapsed on the couch and were starting to enjoy themselves, when the doorbell rang. *Again*.

"Your turn to get it this time," Lois said with a disappointed sigh.

Clark hoisted himself off the couch and walked to the door. He opened it and was startled to see none other than…


Jimmy. Again.

"Jimmy! Great to see you again. Any news?" Clark inquired unenthusiastically.

Jimmy, as usual, was oblivious. "They found the senator's wife!"

"Oh, really? How'd she take the news?"

"No, no, you don't get it; they found her dead too! And get this…they killed her vampire-style, with a sharpened spatula tip through the heart!"

"Cooks these days," Clark muttered under his breath. "That's going to make a really, uh, interesting story, Jimmy. Thanks for letting us know about it!" Clark closed the door before Jimmy could think of anything else to add.

Clark returned to the living room to find Lois busy on the phone. "Who is it?" he asked quietly.

She mouthed something to him.


"Perry…some superhearing you've got there, honey," she grinned. "Yes, we'll be there, Chief," she said as she hung up the phone.


"Perry says we have to come in?" Clark asked.

"Yes," Lois sighed. "Can you think of a way to get out of it? I was enjoying my cooking lesson."

"Well…maybe I could—," Clark started.

Riiiiinnnnnnnng riiiiiiinnnnnggggg!


"Hi again, Chief!" Clark said. "What? No…you weren't interrupting—"

Lois grabbed the phone away. "Chief…you *were* interrupting… what?…Um, you were interrupting, uh…"

"*Lo-is*! Don't make him think—," Clark said.

"Yeah, that's—What?…We can stay home? You'll have someone else handle it? Thanks, Chief!" Lois grinned as she hung up the phone. "Now *that's* how you get out of stuff!"

"Lois! He thinks that—," Clark started.

"Oh, who cares what he thinks? Let's get back to the kitchen now!" Lois interrupted as she pulled Clark toward the kitchen. "All right…teach me to use this stuff. What is this???"

"*That* is an egg slicer! Wait…that was on the oven. Why isn't it hot? Lois…the fudge won't cook if you don't turn on the oven!!!"

"Oh, Clark! Don't cry over spilt milk! Wait—I didn't spill any yet did I?" she grinned as she turned on the oven.


"OK, Lois, now you can preheat the oven to 350," Clark said.

"Oven preheated. Check."

"Now get the tin foil out of that drawer over there…"

"Over where?"

"Over there. Under the sink."

"Oh, OK, got it."

"Um, it said…I mean, Mom said to cover the fudge with tin foil when it's done, so that'll come in handy later," Clark said. "Just leave it there on the bread board."

Lois pulled out an object from the drawer and fiddled around with it. It was one of those corkscrews that looked like a person. Lois positioned the "arms" vertically and exclaimed, "Look, Clark, it's *Superman*!" as she "flew" the corkscrew around the kitchen, waving it over her head.

Clark chuckled. Had Lois had just a *bit* too much chocolate syrup today? "No," he said, "*I'm* Superman!" And with that he spun into the red and blue suit. He folded his arms across his chest and grinned.

Lois giggled. "You know, I never get tired of watching you do that."


Lois traced the S on his chest with a finger and smiled up at him. Clark responded with a grin of his own and pulled her closer, leaning down to kiss her gently.

Her arms had circled his waist and she had opened her mouth to him, deepening the kiss when she felt him tense and pull away slightly. The look on his face said it all. "Go," she said, waving him off with attempted cheerfulness.

Seeing him hesitate, she smiled a little and gave him a peck on the cheek. "The sooner you take care of whatever it is, the sooner we can get back to cooking…or whatever we were doing. So shoo!"

"Bye. And *don't* touch anything," Clark warned.

He flew off with a whoosh, and Lois was left standing alone in the middle of the kitchen. The spice rack hanging by what was left of the microwave caught her eye. She wandered over and picked up a bottle at random, shaking a little of it out onto her hand. She sniffed it hesitantly before tasting it. Not too bad really…kind of herby, she thought, reaching for another one. She wasn't so cautious with this one, and tasted some right away. "Whoa!" The bottle fell to the floor with a clatter. She ran over to the sink, turned on the faucet and stuck her mouth under the wonderfully cold stream of water.

Lois eyed the spice rack warily from a distance but, "Curiosity killed the cat," she sighed. "Just don't taste anything, girl." Stepping over the mess of broken glass and red powder on the tile floor, she reached for another bottle. 'Parsnips,' read the label. "What the hell is a parsnip?" she wondered aloud.

"It's a vegetable, from the carrot family, actually. It has large pinnate leaves and yellow flowers, and is native to Europe."

She glared at Clark over her shoulder, putting one hand over her pounding heart. "What did you do as a child? Sit around and memorize the dictionary? And you scared me half to death," she said testily.

Clark looked from her flushed and still damp face to the mess on the floor. "Had a run-in with the bottle of paprika, did we?" He grinned. "So, Lois, wanna get back to that cooking lesson?" he smiled, turning back toward the oven.

She smiled wickedly, coming up behind him and wrapping her arms around his neck. "I say there are better things we could do in the kitchen besides cooking."

fade to black…