By Ultracape <Ultracape@aol.com>
Rated PG
Submitted November 1998
Summary: Why didn't Clark reaffirm his love for Lois after she said "I don't" to Lex? This well-written, emotional story gives us some insight … and hints of the romance to come.
I usually write long nfic stories. However, this scene came to me and I just HAD to share it. Many people have written or referred to what happened after Lois didn't marry Lex and have thought that Clark should have told Lois that he loved her. Actually, I think that Clark did the right thing and that it proved how much he really did care. This is why.
This is not a true depiction of reality and is not meant to offend anyone. The characters belong to DC Comics, Warner Brothers and December Third Productions. I'm not making any money off of this except for the ego-boost I get when nice people take the time to comment (good, bad or indifferent).
***
Pain, unrelenting pain.
Knock.
'Why won't it go away?' he whimpered. Every breath, every move, even every thought was agony. The pain traveled inward from his skin, slicing through his muscles and bones, seeking to swallow his soul in fire. He fought it, tried to move, had to escape.
Knock, knock. "Clark?" Knock, knock.
Tears ran down his cheeks as he tossed and turned twisting his sweat soaked sheets. He could fight against all the pain, overcome the agony. But the pain in his heart, that was too strong even for him. 'Lois, please Lois, I'll die, I'll gladly die, just don't marry Lex Luthor.'
The billionaire's laughter tormented him, terrified him, even more than the Kryptonite radiation emanating from the cage. "I love Lois, I really do. But she's just a bit too independent, don't you think? Well, I'll change that."
"Lois, please, Lois, don't let him do that to you." He knew he would not be there to save her.
Knock! "Clark, please Clark, open the door." Pound, pound!
"Lois?" Shadows of cages, dungeons and axes faded as the constant sound of a fist against his front door finally penetrated Clark's nightmare.
"Clark?" She was crying. Lois was crying and calling his name. His heart jumped. Lois had come back to him.
Clark stumbled out of bed, "Ouch," stubbing his toe in the process. It had barely been 48 hours since that terrible day Lois had almost married Luthor. Clark had not yet recovered from the Kryptonite poisoning, still feeling generally weak, listless and slightly sick. He didn't know if he ever would recover his powers. Right now, he barely cared. Over 24 hours he had lain helpless and tortured in that cage.
"Oh, Clark, why aren't you here?"
Clark lurched up the steps to his front door and opened it just as Lois was about to knock again.
"I'm here Lois, I'm here."
Lois nearly fell into his arms. She was there, with him. Not with Luthor, and definitely not with Superman. Lois was with him, Clark, and for once, thankfully, Superman could not intrude.
"Lois," he breathed her name. She was really here. Clark wrapped his arms around her, holding her as tightly as he could, clinging to her, as she hugged his waist- her tears wetting his chest- his tears falling on her hair.
They stayed like that for minutes, rocking each other, rubbing their hands over each others' backs, comforting and being comforted.
Lois was the first one to pull away. She looked up into Clark's eyes. "Clark, you're here. You're okay. I was so worried, I … " Then she saw the tears in his eyes. "You've been crying."
Warmed by her concern for him, he smiled and touched the tip of his finger to her cheek, lifting a tear from her face. He held it out to her, the tear glistening on his fingertip. "So have you, Lois."
"Why?" they both asked at the same time.
"Bad dream," they both answered together and smiled, really smiled at each other for the first time in weeks.
"Come on in."
"Okay," Lois allowed Clark to guide her into his apartment and over to his couch. Then, reluctantly remembering his manners, he let go of her and headed over to his stove.
"Will this be easier with tea or without?" Clark asked.
"Without for me, but if you want some … "
Clark finished putting the water on to boil and came back to the couch, sat down and put his arm around her. "So I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."
Lois wiped the tears away from her face, almost like a little girl. Then, with a tentative smile, she began. "Well," she sighed out a breath and then took another before she began. "I, I was walking down the aisle and, and, and, — " Lois opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to get the words out. But each time she tried to say something she started choking. "Clark," was all she could get out. "Clark," and her tears would well up again. "Clark," she whispered it once more before she gave up and let the tears flow.
Clark felt his heart breaking for her. Seconds passed slowly as Clark held her hands, dabbed at her eyes with a tissue and then finally held her again, rocking her. "Lois, it's all right. Just take your time … " He wanted so much to call her sweetheart but knew she'd kill him if he did. Well, the old Lois would be very pissed. He almost felt like testing it to see if she would now snap at him. But then Clark realized, if Lois didn't get angry at him for taking that liberty, it would break his heart, it would hurt too much to know what had happened to her.
After a few more minutes she seemed in more control. "Maybe, maybe that tea is a good idea." She said it so low that without his superhearing back, he almost missed it.
Clark immediately got up and concocted one of his many special blends of teas, one with soothing properties. However, the usual calming mundane ritual of preparing tea wasn't working for him. This was just part of the devastation Luthor had wroth. And for Clark, this was worse than the destruction of The Daily Planet.
His strong Lois, his independent Lois, his Lois who could take on the universe and make it heel. She was falling apart in front of him and Clark knew that Luthor was the only being he had ever truly hated.
The water was boiling. Clark prepared two mugs with tea balls and brought them over to the couch. "Careful, it's hot," he said to her as she reached for the mug.
Lois sipped on it carefully and smiled at him, the tea already working.
Suddenly, haltingly, hiding her eyes, she started speaking. "I, I was walking down the aisle towards Lex." Clark stiffened slightly but held Lois closer.
"He was smiling at me and I kept saying to myself, 'this is my wedding day, I should be happy.'" Lois looked up into Clark's eyes then. "But I wasn't happy, Clark. I wanted to be. Yet none of my friends or family were there except for my mother. You weren't there, Clark. I wanted you there, to be happy for me, but you weren't." Clark didn't know if Lois was speaking of her dream or of what really happened. He feared that the two were inexorably confused in her mind.
Clark had debated with himself endlessly about that decision. He loved Lois, had always wanted to be there for her. If Lois were truly happy, if it was what she really wanted, then, for her, to be her friend, he should have gone, no matter what he thought of Luthor. Yet Clark knew that deep down inside, he had been hurt and it was Lois who had hurt him. How could she honestly have said that she'd love Superman if he were just an ordinary man when she had just rejected Clark's marriage proposal? Clark wanted to strike back. That lead lined robe remark … he wasn't proud of that at all. He had been lying to her all along and now he was punishing her for believing the lie. Ashamed of himself and hurting from Lois' rejection, angry at Lois yet loving her more than ever, and loathing Luthor enough to kill, there was no way he could have controlled his emotions enough to go to that wedding.
"At first I just felt so hurt," she continued. "As I walked down the aisle I kept thinking about you, how we met, all the things we've been through together. How you've been there for me. And suddenly, everything felt so wrong. I felt lost, I felt like I wasn't me anymore. Then, as I got closer, I began to be afraid. Lex' smile, there was something wrong, evil. He reached out to me, grabbed me to him and suddenly we were married. Clark, I didn't marry him, I realized I didn't want to marry him and said 'I can't' not 'I do,' but in the dream, I had no choice, no chance to say no."
This was news to Clark. He had thought that Perry and the police had stopped the wedding.
"Clark, I was looking for you, searching for you, calling your name. And Lex, he just started to laugh. 'You'll never see him again Lois. You're mine now.' He kept laughing at me. Oh, Clark, I kept searching for you and I couldn't find you anyplace. Then he, then he," Lois looked up into Clark's face. Her eyes, she looked terrified, lost, so filled with pain. Clark would do anything to take that pain from her.
"Lois, what, what happened?"
"He showed me an ax dripping blood and gore and I knew, I knew he had killed you." Lois collapsed in tears against him.
Clark shivered at the memory. It had almost happened. The tears flowed and Lois clung to him for dear life. Clark was stunned, shocked. How did she know? How could she have known? If Lex had replaced the key near the door, if he hadn't left the white cummerbund in the cage, if Clark had been a little weaker or if he had been just a few minutes slower in getting out of that cage, Lois' nightmare would have come true. Clark wrapped his arms around Lois tightly holding her to him. He couldn't speak. He wanted to. But what should he say? What could he say? He wanted to tell her he was Superman. She should know. But something held him back. She'd demand proof and except for the suits, he couldn't give her any, not now. Maybe not ever again.
But that wasn't what held his tongue. It was just that he knew it was wrong. Lex Luthor had systematically planned and executed Lois Lane's destruction. He had taken away her job, alienated her friends and family, made her doubt her own instincts, her own perceptions. Clark even suspected that Lois' parents and sister might soon have met their neatly arranged accidental ends. After all, Luthor had admitted to planning Clark's own death.
Lex had spent millions of dollars in order to destroy the woman he claimed to love. And he had almost succeeded. But somehow, at the last, Lois had held out against the worst Luthor could do. Yet, at what cost?
Lois was hanging on by a bare thread right now. Clark telling her that he was Superman could be the one thing to push her over the edge. It would be the final blow to find out that the person she was clinging to now, just to keep her sanity, wasn't quite who he said he was.
Clark couldn't do it. He didn't know what to expect when he finally told Lois the truth. But one thing he was sure of and that was that he wanted Lois to be strong enough to deal with her emotions, whatever they might be. He wanted Lois to be the Lois he had fallen in love with, the Lois he was still in love with, strong, independent, with the strength of her convictions and willing to fight anyone and anything for what she felt was right.
Lois Lane, as he had first known her, didn't really need anyone, especially a hack from nowheresville, or a Superhero in tights. She had proven that over and over again. Clark didn't want Lois to need him. He wanted Lois to want him, to choose him, as he had her. Only Clark knew that he did need her. He felt lost without her.
Clark wanted his Lois back, his partner, his best friend, maybe one day his wife. He knew that he would do anything to help her heal. Once Lois was her old self, confident, strong, and maybe just a little bit in love with the Smallville hack, Clark would tell her his secret. When he was sure that Lois was emotionally strong enough to tell a Superhero to get lost because of a lie, then he would reveal all. But not one moment sooner.
She was quiet now, more in control, still holding him, but not desperately clinging to him as she had been. But, he realized, he had been clinging to her.
"Clark, it's your turn."
"My turn?"
Lois pulled away from him for a moment. "You were crying when I came in. Tell me your dream."
"Lois, I," he wanted to distract her, he wanted to say it was nothing. He wanted to bury his face in her hair and tell her how much he needed her, loved her.
"Clark," she reached up and moved a lock of hair from his face. "Please."
She was offering to help him. And God help him, he needed that comfort. Clark dreaded another sleepless night. Strangely, without his powers, he felt even more alone, cut off from himself, from the world, vulnerable in a way he'd never known before. Besides, he had never been able to refuse her. Shuddering at the memory he sighed. He couldn't tell her what really happened. Well, maybe he could. He'd just have to switch places with Superman. That was a joke, the cosmic joke that had been played on him ever since he started wearing that suit.
"Luthor called me up and wanted to meet with me in the basement of Lex Towers. I went there hoping that I could find some proof, some way to stop you from marrying him.
He could feel Lois holding him closer now. She was rubbing his back, offering him comfort. God how he needed this, needed her.
"When I got there Lex told me that he wanted both me and Superman to attend the wedding. I'm sorry Lois. I couldn't go. Maybe it was selfish of me, but Lois … "
She rubbed his shoulders and his neck, her touch relaxing him. "It's all right, Clark. Really. Just tell me what happened."
"I told him that neither one of us would support his marriage to you. Then suddenly he trapped me in a cage. There, there was some sort of, of radiation or beam coming from the bars of the cage and it hurt." He could still remember that pain, almost feel it. "I, I couldn't get out." The memory of that agony assaulted him now. Clark trembled as his voice became a monotone. He could feel Lois arms hold him, squeezing him. Clark didn't want to go on. Yet, somehow, this telling, this sharing was healing Lois. She needed to help him.
"Lex told me that he would have both me and Superman killed," Clark continued. "He boasted how he would marry you and then make you dependent on him. And I couldn't stand that, Lois. There was so much pain but, Lois, that hurt more." Clark felt the tears come. He had been so afraid for her, so sure that Lex would succeed. "Lex was so confident of himself that he left the key near the cage. It took me a long time and I, I knew I was dying. But I had to get that key. Finally I was able to reach it but I was too weak to get out of the basement before I heard him coming. So I hid behind some barrels. As he came into the basement, he grabbed an ax, saying that he was going to take his pound of flesh. When he didn't see me in the cage, he howled and ran out."
Clark was breathing as hard by the time he finished the story as he had been when he had escaped the cage. He knew that a lot of what he said made no sense, except in the context of a dream and hoped that Lois would, for once, not ask him questions.
Lois' hand was rubbing his back, her arms going around his waist, holding him. "I should have listened to you, Clark. I'm sorry I didn't give you the benefit of the doubt. I didn't even try to prove you wrong. I don't know why. It was like, I stopped thinking. I didn't listen to my gut feelings and I wouldn't listen to yours. I'm so sorry Clark. Really, I am."
They stayed like that, holding each other, clinging to each other, lost in their own thoughts until, as the sun rose they awoke realizing they had slept, peacefully and dreamlessly for the first time in days, in each other's arms.
"Clark." Lois smiled up at him.
"Lois," he looked into her eyes and saw the beginnings of something there, something new, maybe some feelings for him, for Clark, not Superman.
"Clark, I … "
Rrrriiiinnnnnggggg.
"Darn it. " Clark stayed where he was, holding Lois, afraid of letting the world intrude again into their lives.
Rrrriiiinnnnnggggg.
"Clark, aren't you going to answer the phone?"
He sighed, knowing the moment was gone forever. "Yeah, I guess." He got up and walked over to the wall. "Hello, … oh, hi Perry. Yeah sure I can. Lois? Ah, yeah, I do, she came over early this morning. Yeah, I'll tell her. Okay, I'll see you then. By."
"What's up?"
"Perry's leaving for Florida later this afternoon and wants us to meet him at The Planet this morning to say good by."
Lois got up from the couch and stretched. "Well, I guess I'd better go home and change then." She walked towards the door and then suddenly stopped. "Clark, thank you. You are the best friend I've ever had. I just want to say that … "
Suddenly Clark heard a call for help and he knew that his powers were back. 'NO,' he screamed to himself. 'Not now, not when she might actually care for me.' But the call for help continued. People were in trouble, people were in danger, dying. And he could save them.
"Lois," he said cutting her off. She looked hurt and maybe a little angry. "Lois, I'm sorry but I've got to get ready myself and I've got some errands to run so if you don't mind."
He could tell that she was confused. "Sure. Sure. " She went to the door. "I'll see you later at The Daily Planet."
As the door slammed, Clark felt his heart leap as he spun into his suit and took off. 'That slam sounded like the old Lois. She's angry at me, really angry at me. Maybe I won't have that long to wait.'
THE END