Lois and James: The New Adventures of OO7 - Part 2: A Continuation of 'Care for a Drink, Mr. Bond?'

By Jonesy321 <Jonesy321@aol.com>

Rated: G

Submitted December 8, 1997

Summary: The Lois and Clark-Bond crossover continues with a double date and a secret … or two.


Clark sat looking across at Bond. "She'll be ready to go in a minute, Mr. Kent. Would you like a cup of coffee?"

"Yes, please." Clark took the coffee from Bond's hand and sat on Lois's couch. "Now what were you doing at the scene of a crime, Mr. Bond?"

James smoothed his suit and sat in the arm-chair next to the couch. "Listen, I already know about S.P.E.C.T.R.E.'s involvement with Intergang, and I'm here to see the relationship doesn't flourish."

"And why would this even concern you, Mr. Bond? Metropolis is Superman's city."

"It's funny. I've never seen someone who can speak of himself in the third person so easily. You must get a lot of practice. As for your question, I'm afraid I can't answer it."

Before Clark could say something Lois walked in. "All right, Clark, I'm ready to go to work now. Sorry about this, but my transportation source is currently non-existant."

Clark looked up from his cup, "In the shop?"

"Yeah, It seems when they want you to stop, you'd better stop."

Clark didn't like this at all. Ever since Bond came into her life Lois was acting like a school girl, giddy all the time. He sighed with frustration. He stood up slowly and walked to the door.

Bond walked over to Lois. "Lois, my car's being delivered tomorrow so you won't have to pester Mr. Kent anymore."

"That's great," Lois said while straightening his tie. Clark missed when Lois used to care about little things with him. He choked down his pain, smiled and walked her downstairs.


Bond walked down the street and into the coffee shop where Q was waiting. "Nice to see you again, OO7."

"Are you sure this location is secure?"

"There are only agents in here. Why? Is the great OO7 worried?"

"Just get down to buisness, Q."

"Your BMW is waiting for you around the corner with all the usuals. I have a new watch for you and some modifications on several pens."


Q opened a pencase and showed him three pens, all with a British Flage emblem. "This one is a class three grenade, same as before. This one is a small grappling gun designed to carry three hundred fifty pounds, no more. This one is a small gun, capable of shooting one round."

"Anything else?"

"We're not made of money, OO7."


Clark sighed for the umpteenth time that day. Lois was going through numerous names of those who had rented apartments or hotel rooms in the city in the last six months. He looked down at his his own pile and sighed again. He turned his head to make sure no one was looking and began cross-referencing for goverment officials at super speed.

Two minutes later Clark came up with four leads, good enough. He sat back and thought for a moment. "Jimmy, come over here for a second."

"What's up, CK?"

Clark hated that. He lowered his voice to make sure Lois couldn't hear, "Jimmy, see what you can find on James Bond."

"The guy that came in here the other day?"


"Why? Do you suspect him?"

"Something like that."

Jimmy shrugged and nodded. He turned and left for the research room. Clark sighed again.


James pressed the gas pedal further to the floor board. The two cars following him weren't relenting. He flipped the toggle switch on the radio controls and the weapons console appeared in its place. He clicked two blue buttons and two missles fired from his rear bumper. The lead chaser blew up in a puff of fire and smoke.

Police sirens roared behind him now. He pressed a circlular button and a laser module appeared from under the BMW. A joystick appeared under the steering wheel and a monitor popped up on the dash. The outline of the second chaser appeared on the screen as the module turned around. He fired at the hood, and the laser did its work, causing another explosion.


Lois looked at her watch again. She looked up at the street and sighed in frustration. Clark walked up next to her. She knew how he felt about James.

"You sure you don't need me to give you a lift, Lois?"

Lois plastered on a smile. "That's quite all right, I'm sure he just had a buisness meeting or something."

Lois watched Clark's jaw drop as a silver BMW pulled right up to Lois. James smiled boyishly, "Sorry, traffic was horrible today."

Clark scowled at him, and he returned the look with a smile that would disarm a tank. Lois smiled at Clark too, one of those "Told you so" smiles.

James stopped and turned to Clark, "By the way, Mr. Kent, I'm taking Lois out tonight. Perhaps we could … double date."

Clark looked for the world like he would burst, but then smiled, "I'll be there." He flashed a "Take that" smile at Lois. Lois returned his smile cooly as James put the BMW in drive and took off.

Clark was on the verge of panic. Who in the world would he take?


James put his tuxedo on, being careful not to trigger the extras Q had added. When he made sure Lois wasn't looking he screwed a silencer onto his Walther PPK and placed it in the concealment pocket in his jacket.

Lois walked into the living room in a stunning blue dress, cut nicely and with nice lace trim. James stood in awe. He took her hand and kissed it extravagantly. "You look simply amazing."

"I do try."

"We'll be meeting Mr. Kent and his date," he resisted the urge to smile, "at a nice French restaurant uptown."

"You do spoil me."

"I do try."


Lois looked shocked as Clark walked over to their table with Cat Grant on his arm. James, however, was on his feet kissing her hand. "My my, Mr. Kent, you have excellent taste."

Cat grinned, "As does Lois, for once."

Lois smiled, although she was cursing Cat in her mind. Once James had seated himself again, Lois found it necessary to kick him in the leg.

Clark smiled as he took his X-ray vision off the table. Cat ordered something expensive and Clark winced. Lois did the same. James smiled and patted her hand. "I'll pick up the check tonight."

Clark wasn't going to let him get away with that. "That's quite all right, Mr. Bond, I'd be happy to pay."

"Fine then, Mr. Kent, by all means."

Dinner was set down and their conversation drifted around everyday subjects. Bond told them about his work taking him to exotic and beautiful places. Clark countered with all the things he had done before settling down in Metropolis.

James smiled thinly, "You must have saved a fortune on air fare."

Lois and Cat looked confused, the joke going over their heads. Clark narrowed his eyes, "Just as much as you spent on black suits."

Again the girls looked confused. Bond smiled back, "Touche, Mr. Kent."

The waiter walked over to the table and handed Clark the bill. His eyes widened. "Sure you don't want me to take care of it, Mr. Kent?"

Clark quickly regained his composure. "That's quite all right, Mr Bond."


Perry called Lois and CLark in to his office to hear what they had found. Lois mentioned that there were four Congressmen that had been to Metropolis, but just to cheat on their wives. Clark said that three NIA agents, that they knew of, had passed through, including Jack Olsen which Clark did not mention.

Perry dismissed them and Clark took Lois aside. "Lois I think we'd better check out the motel where Mr. Olsen was staying. He may have been captured or something by this Government Official."

Lois, always ready for adventure, nodded, "Let's go."

"Um … wait for me downstairs, I have to … check on something."

Lois frowned but turned and walked towards the elevator. When Clark was sure she was out of earshot, he motioned Jimmy over. He walked over with a smile.

"Well what did you find?"

"As it turns out, James Bond has an extensive record of hotel bills and credit card charges. Also he's been a suspect in a car accident in the Bahamas a few years ago. Authorities found a scribbled letter signed by Bond, but it only said, 'James Bond Agent OO7,' but I have no idea what that means."

Clark nodded, "Thanks, Jimmy … uh, I gotta head off now."

Before Jimmy could ask anything, Clark was already out of earshot.


Clark put his jeep in park behind the motel. He and Lois crept around to the main office and peeked in, no one there. Lois walked over to the guest roster. Indeed, one J. Olsen had stayed here two months ago. Obviously, they didn't get much business.

Clark sweeped around with his X-ray vision. In room Four he saw two men seated at a table. On closer inspection Clark found that one of the men was indeed Jack Olsen.

He heard the cocking of a gun. He and Lois turned to see two armed men leveling rifles at them. They were brought to room Four.

Clark sighed as he saw Jack. "Sorry this was supposed to be a rescue."

Jack smiled, "Why whatever for?" Jack Olsen stood up. As he did Clark could see the initials on Jack's jacket: S.P.E.C.T.R.E.


End of Part 2 Anyone catch the Never Say Never Again reference? To be continued in "Jack Olsen, Shaken not Stirred" Will James come to the rescue?