Hell Hath No Fury …

By Shawn V. <Kirshnera@aol.com>

Rated PG-13

Submitted October 1998

Summary: Lois makes creative use of her partner to get back at Lex … but does she have an ulterior motive for her method of revenge?

Completed April 26, 1998 Okay, this story is very cliched, but I just *had* to write it. It's just me playing with Lois and Clark. Well, and Cat, too, but not much. It's a very short fic, just something I was playing around with. For all who love to hate Lex, and want to see him mortified, read on!

HELL HATH NO FURY… by Shawn V. (Kirshnera@aol.com, Kirshnera on the IRC)


"Lois? What's wrong? Something's been bothering you all day," Clark said, a concerned tone in his voice.

"Clark, something… happened today. I was at Lex's office. The new secretary had let me in to wait for him, and I was just looking around, when I saw all these papers on his desk." She paused for a second, as her voice seemed to be unable to stay level. She resumed speaking when she had it under control. "Clark, you were right about him. He's… not a good person. I can't *believe* that I didn't see it before! Even when you told me he was a criminal!"

"Lois, before you start beating yourself up…" Clark began.

"Wait, I'm not done. Yes, I'm upset about not seeing it before now, but I'd really like your help now."

"To catch Lex?"

"Not yet. First I want to humiliate him. Bring him down a little. He thinks he can control me… *Ha*!"

"Lois, that's a little…"

"Come on, Clark. He deserves it! And you're the only one who can help."

"I guess…" Lois always could talk him into anything. Well, almost anything. "What do you want me to do?"

Lois smiled. If ol' Lexie had seen the look, even he would have been just a bit shook up.


"You're sure this will work?" Clark asked as they stepped into the smoke- filled bar.

"Positive. It's Cat's job to write about the social lives of Metropolis' elite. She won't be able to resist the story. It's so…"

"Juicy?" Clark suggested.

"Scandalous. I love it!"

They walked in a little farther, and Clark spotted Cat at a nearby booth. "Well, you were right about her being here," he said, pointing.

"Great. Now, you know the plan. Sit near her, but don't act like we know she's there. When she comes to talk to us, as I know she will, we'll be surprised that she's there. But not as surprised as she'll be when she hears what we have to say…"

"Got it. Let's go." They walked over to a table nearby Cat and what was apparently her catch of the evening, a good-looking blond guy. Lois and Clark sat close together. Very close together.

'I love this plan,' thought Lois, pressing herself against Clark's side. He put his arm around her shoulders and she reached up and gave him a quick, giggly, flirty kiss. She smiled delightedly and rested her hand on his thigh, just above his knee. He looked so *hot* in those tight jeans and t-shirt.

Clark could sense that Cat was looking at them. He knew that she had seen them go to the booth. He tilted his head slightly downward and whispered into her ear, just touching it with his lips. "She's watching us."

Lois smiled sexily, as if he'd said something romantic. She reached her other hand over and traced a line from his ear to his chin, her lips close to his. "Great," she murmured. "Wanna get something to eat?" She brushed her lips against his, gently, almost teasingly. He leaned in closer for a harder kiss. "Or not…" The words were almost too mumbled for even Clark to hear. She gave a soft moan of pleasure, which Clark echoed with his own before gently pulling away from her.

Cat watched in shock as the two reporters touched, kissed, giggled, and flirted. She had thought that Lois was with Lex. The two were practically *engaged*! And now here she was with Clark, looking *extremely* friendly for just "best friends". What had happened with Lex, Metropolis' most eligible bachelor? What a… scandal. Cat smiled, and listened carefully, trying to hear snitches of the conversation.

"So, how's… Lex?" Clark asked.

"Mmmm. Not nearly as good as you," Lois replied saucily, tasting his mouth again, as their food hadn't arrived yet. "He's such a boring old man."

"Not your type?"

"Naw," she said offhandedly. "I need a more…masculine, young, good-looking guy. Maybe someone who's really good with his hands…" She trailed off as Clark feathered kisses onto her neck. "Know anyone…mmmm… who fits the… oooh… bill?" she asked, tilting her head to the side to give him better access.

"Maybe," he murmured, his voice sexy and deep in her ear. "And I think he's… free tonight…"

"Excuse me," came the voice of a waitress.

"Yes?" Lois asked, a little annoyed at the interruption.

"Your food." The waitress set their plates down in front of them, and left.

Lois looked down at her plate. "Ew! What's that?"

"Um… mostly grease, I think. That tan stuff looks like it could have been bread once, though."

She poked at it once and pushed it away, unable to bring herself to lift it to her mouth. Clark generously shared his fish with her, cutting a piece off and putting it in her mouth. "Hm. Not bad. A little oily." She paused for a second. "Clark, is my lipstick as smeared on me as it is on you?"

"What?" he asked, caught off-guard. Lois picked up a napkin and wiped at his mouth.

"You're wearing 'cashmere', and it just doesn't go with your outfit." She also wiped the remainder of her lipstick off herself. It would only be all over her and Clark by the end of the evening if she didn't.

Cat waited until they were done feeding each other the fish and were nursing sodas to come over and talk to them. She sauntered over and sat down on the other side of their booth. "Lois! Clark! What a surprise to see you here!"

"Oh, hi, Cat," Lois said, distractedly, not taking her eyes off Clark.

Clark was more polite, and turned to face Cat while greeting her. "Hi, how's it going?"

"Well, it's a slow night. But apparently not for you two! What's up with this? What about Lex?"

"On the record, Cat?" Lois asked, wanting to make sure this would get into a story.

"Well, you know me. Always looking for a juicy bit of inside info. Did you and Lex break up?"

"Well, not really. Not yet anyway. Soon."

"Why? Has the romance gone sour already?"

Lois laughed a little. "Lex was never *sweet*. I need… a real man."

"But Lex is the number one most eligible bachelor in practically the whole world!" Cat protested.

"Oh, Cat, you know that's only because he's rich and powerful. That's not everything," Clark said.

"Lex is rich, yes. Powerful, yes. But he's just not… well… Let's just say that he doesn't have what it takes."

"And Clark here does?"

"Oh, yeah." Lois glanced at him sexily. "Clark's got it in spades. I'd rather spend five minutes just *talking* to Clark than a *week* in Lex's bed."

Clark was a bit startled at the offhand way she'd said it. He hadn't thought that she had slept with Luthor, but… had she? That would be… gross.

"Well, Cat, it's been nice bumping into you, but we were just leaving," said Lois.

Cat took the hint. "Okay, well, goodbye then. Thanks for the news on everybody's favorite millionaire."

"Bye," said Clark. He put down money to cover the bill, and he and Lois left, arm in arm. As they walked to the car, Clark noticed that Cat walked out of the doors and moved over to a shadowy alcove.

He put his arm around Lois' waist, pulling her close. "She's following us," he murmured.

"That's nice. You know, home's almost 40 minutes away. I say we go somewhere… closer. And private. Fast." She nudged him with her hip, making her point.

"I bet there's a motel around here somewhere. What do you think? Rent-by-the- hour or someplace nice?"

"Hmmm. Let's go for nice." They walked down to the car, and Clark leaned Lois against the door, kissing her thoroughly and deeply before letting her get in. She drove down the road, looking in her rearview mirror every so often to make sure that she hadn't accidentally lost Cat. She hadn't. The gossip columnist was right behind them, intent on a scoop.

Cat knew they weren't headed home. It was in the other direction, a 40 minute drive away. So they must be doing something else. And if that steamy kiss outside the car was any indication, this was going to be good for her column.

"Second floor, room 217," the desk clerk told them, handing them their keys. They took the elevator up to the second floor and found their room. Once they got in, they shut the door and cracked up.

"This is *too* good!" exclaimed Clark. "Oh, he's gonna *hate* me!"

"He may not be too happy with me, either, after this."

"Lois, do you mind if I ask you a really personal question?"

"Go ahead, but I reserve the right to not answer."

"Okay. Did you and Lex… were you lovers? Because something you said in the restaurant…"

"Oh, Clark, no! I'd never… not with Lex! That would be kind of sick, you know? I can't believe you thought that! I've only been with a couple guys. Claude, a couple in high school, one or two in college." She paused for a second. "What about you?"

"No, I never slept with Lex either. He's not my type."

Lois rolled her eyes at him. "I was *going* to ask if you'd slept with Cat, because I've been wondering that ever since I've met you."

"No. Cat is too… flashy. Too intense."

"Too slutty?"

"That, too."

"How about anyone else that I know?"

"Nobody else you know."

"Who that I don't know?"

"Lois, this is…"

"What? None of my business?" She turned away. "Fine. I'm sorry I asked. It's not like it's a big question."

Now Clark felt like a heel. "Okay, Lois, I'll tell you."

"No! Don't, since you obviously don't want me to know." Her voice was low, and a little angry. She'd told him hers!

"Lois, I'm sorry. I guess, if you really want to know… It's just… I've never been with anybody that you don't know."

"You mean you're…"

"Yes," he said, and moved to the window, looking out into the night and decidedly not at her.

All Lois' brain could think was 'wow'. That was so… incredible. What a wonderful guy! She moved over to the window and put her hands gently on his shoulders. "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you," she whispered softly into his ear, leaning against his back.

"No, you didn't," he replied. "It was my choice. It just never felt… right." He turned and took her into his arms. "There were other things, too, but that was the main one."

She snuggled into his embrace. "I suppose you're wondering what I'm thinking."

"If you want to tell me."

"I think it's very… sweet. It's so romantic, but you always were that way." She lifted a finger and traced his collarbone, studying the path of her finger. "I just hope… when the right time comes… that you won't be… afraid…" She wasn't really sure how to say what she was trying to say. She put her arms around his neck, and with a toss of her hair looked into his eyes. "Afraid of me," she finished clearly. Then she waited for his response.

Clark was trying to figure out what she'd just said. If it was what he thought, what he hoped… "Lois, I'm not afraid of you," he answered, purposely putting it in the present tense instead of future.

Lois didn't miss that little semantical difference. And what a difference it was! He hadn't said that he wouldn't be afraid, he'd said that he wasn't afraid now. "Good. But there's something I have to confess to."


"This isn't really about Lex. There were no papers in his office. I believe he's a criminal, but only because I trust you. And even if I *was* trying to get back at him, there are a thousand easier ways. I set this whole thing up to get you alone in a hotel room. Humiliating Lex was just an added bonus."

"So you did this whole thing *just* to seduce me?" he asked.

"That's not a just, Clark. But, yes, I did," she said defiantly. She hadn't planned to tell him that, but she just couldn't go through with this when it was based on a lie. Especially since it was his first time. It would be… unethical. Almost like stealing. She wasn't a temptress. She wouldn't take it unless he willingly gave it to her. "I'm sorry for tricking you. I can't even believe that I did it. But I did."

Clark realized that she had just dropped the reins and given him his head. It remained his choice. "Lois, you shouldn't have done all that…"

"I know. I'm so sorry…"

"No, Lois, don't be. I kind of knew what you were doing. Well, I figured it out, anyway."

"You did? But what—?"

"You'll notice I'm still here. If I was going to run away, I'd already have done it. I said I'm not afraid of you, and I meant it. You never had to go through all that to get me. All you had to do was say the word."

"Then, you mean you're… okay with this?" She stared unflinchingly into his eyes.

"Very okay. Except… I have one other secret left to tell you."

"Will it keep until morning? Then you can tell me everything." She leaned close to him and kissed his neck. Clark closed his eyes and lovingly returned the favor.

"It'll keep. You may not like hearing it after instead of before."

She reached up a hand and took off his glasses. "Secrets won't matter, after. You won't need these."

"No, I won't," he replied. He pulled back from her enough to peel off his shirt. She let her eyes travel the manly physique, then touched him lightly, stroking his strong chest.

She gazed back up at him, with an intensity that was hard to miss. "Are you ready?"


With a few graceful movements, she removed her clothing and stepped over to him.

"You're beautiful," he said breathlessly, his eyes taking in every feature, every curve of her body.

She kissed him gently, savoring the taste. Her hands moved down to his jeans, and unbuttoned them. She stripped him of his last bit of cover, and he stood there, naked before her. She breathed deeply, his figure immortalizing itself in her memory. He scooped her up, walked a few steps, and slowly lowered her to the bed. "I love you, Clark," she whispered.

"I love you, too, Lois," he murmured before kissing her again, deeply this time. There were no more limits, no more barriers. This was it.


EPILOGUE #1 Just before lunch break:

"How did it go?"

"He's furious. Not just embarrassed by some uncomplimentary quotes. I think he's embarrassed by the fact that he was beaten by an ordinary man. If it was Superman, he wouldn't have been as upset. After all, the boy in blue's a worthy opponent. But as it is, a plain old Kansas hack is more of a man than he is. Sometimes, you've just gotta love irony. Poor Lexie. The one time he wants to lose to Superman… and he does, but he doesn't know it!"

"So you're over and done with the richest man in New Troy?"

"Yup. I've found myself a nice masculine, young, good-looking guy. And he's not just good with his *hands*."

EPILOGUE #2 After lunch break:

"Hey, Chief, is it my imagination, or are Lois and Clark *both* wearing different outfits than they were wearing when they came in to work?"

"Don't you have some research to do, Jimmy?"


I love comments!! All my fanfic is available at http://members.aol.com/Kirshnera/musicalff.html my main web page is http://www.angelfire.com/ny/loisclark/

Peace, Love, and Superman, ~~>Susan<~~