In the Kitchen with Lois

By Anonymous

Rated: PG Submitted September 23, 1997

Summary: Lois' lack of domestic prowess…and how she more than makes up for it. <indicates thoughts>


Lois was attempting to make scones for Clark. He kept raving about the ones he had in London and she had the recipe faxed to her.

She read the instructions as she went along. Mix 2 cups flour, 3 tbsp baking powder, 1/2 tsp salt and 2 tbsp sugar. <Seems easy enough>, she thought, as she measured out the correct amounts. Cut in 1/3 cup shortening until like coarse oatmeal. <Shortening… that's butter right? Hmmm, what does cut in mean? Obviously not scissors. Why do recipes have to be so technical?> she thought with impatience. So she just mixed it together. <That'll do>. Beat 2 eggs in a measuring cup. <No problem> Add enough milk to the eggs to make 3/4 cup of liquid. <Done> Make a soft dough. She mixed the dough. It was soft like the recipe said. Put on lightly floured surface - knead 1/2 minute. <Knead? Isn't that like squishing the bread dough? Close enough.> She squished the soft sticky dough with her fingers. Roll out dough 1/2 inch thick. Cut and shape into scones - triangles or circles. She chose circles and grabbed a glass as a scone cutter. <This isn't so difficult. It is pretty easy, but would be easier if the dough wasn't so sticky.> Brush cut scones with a mixture of 1 egg and 2 tsp milk. <What do I use to brush them? What can I use? > She decided to use her fingers. Sprinkle scones with sugar. <OK> Bake on greased cookie sheet at 425 degrees F (220 degrees Celsius) for 12-15 minutes. Lois looked at her watch. <Good just in time for Clark's return>. She put the scones on the cookie sheet (it was the cookie sheet as she had seen Clark bake cookies on them) and put them in the oven.

The evidence of the cooking attempt showed all over the kitchen. Flour on Lois, the floor, the counter and dishes piled everywhere. <Hmmm, better clean this up before Clark gets home.> She looked up < Why can't *I* have superspeed?>

She wiped the kitchen clean and had just put the dishes in the dishwasher as the front door opened. Clark followed his nose to the kitchen. He kissed her on the lips then said cautiously, looking at the oven, "What's cooking?"

"It is a surprise! Go sit down at the table," she told him with a proud smile. She opened the oven and pulled the scones out. Turning around she showed them to Clark "Scones! I made you your favorite!"

"Lois.. that is so sweet." Clark smiled his thanks. Lois put a few of the scones on a plate and brought it proudly to the table. She placed it in front of him and anxiously awaited his review.

Clark took one of the warm scones and cut it in two, lathering it with butter and jam then bit into it. It was a little gummy and chewy, but he put on a good face as he reached for coffee to help him swallow it. After he had managed to swallow the first bite he patted his napkin to his lips.

Lois impatiently said "Well? What do you think Clark? How are they? I haven't tried them myself, yet. But I followed the recipe to the letter so they should taste the same."

"Lois.. they don't taste *quite* the same, but I love them anyway. Great jam!" Clark replied, diplomatically, with a warm smile.

"Oh, darn it! What did I do wrong ? Don't try to sidetrack me with the jam - you know it is your mother's. I can tell by the tone in your voice you are avoiding saying anything bad about the scones . They look so good - what went wrong?" Perturbed and determined to find the answer, she wandered back to the cookbook, certain that she had missed an instruction.

Clark stood up, walked over and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. "Honey…"

"Don't say it Clark. I know I am a complete failure in the kitchen. This isn't even a complicated recipe!" Lois was really trying to get better in the kitchen and couldn't figure out this mystery. She kept re-reading the instructions.

"Lois …"

"Not now Clark. I have to figure out where I went wrong." She made a check mark beside each ingredient and she had used all of them.

"Lois…" Clark tried again. "You are not a complete failure in the kitchen. Your lasagne is fabulous!"

Lois rolled her eyes "It took me 3 years to master that! Thank god *you* can cook ."

"I never married you for your cooking abilities Lois," he said in a warm voice as he turned her around in his arms to face him.

Lois looked up at him and slid her hands up his chest to smooth his lapels. "So you never had cooking on the list of wife abilities?"

"Nope," Clark grinned. "Never made it on the list… but I appreciate your other attributes"

She toyed with his lapels and asked in a nonchalant tone, "And those would be?"

"Resourceful, determined, strong, funny, loving, and a body that is made for other heavenly pleasures." He pressed her back against the kitchen island and kissed her in the way that made her knees weak.

A few minutes later, when their lips parted, Lois said in a distracted tone, "What were we talking about again?"

"Who cares? Let's move this cooking class upstairs."

Lois smiled seductively. "Now there is a room I know how to cook in!"

"That you do, Lois, that you do…" Clark replied as he swept her into his arms and up the staircase into the private cooking class for two.