By Shawn V. (SilvrWingd@aol.com)
Summary: Clark is back from New Krypton, but not quite himself. An imp from the fifth dimension -- a huge Beatles fan -- pops in with an offer to make things right again, but first Lois and Clark must perform a little task for him.
This takes place right after my story 'Ghost Arrival'. You really have to have read GA to understand this one. I have to warn you, it's kind of weird. I was writing it, and it was sort of going somewhere (it was also sort of a drama), but then it started going nowhere and having a good deal more comedy added to the mix. However there is one little scene at the end which I am extremely proud of. I think it's hilarious, and so do my sisters. I have to give them a little credit, especially Rachel, who (ahem) 'helped' me with the way I was writing Paul McCartney. She's a big Beatles fan. But she's also sort of a FoLC, so she edits my stories for me. And yes, I used the character of Paul McCartney without permission and Paul, if you ever read this, you can call me at any hour, email me, or write me and say anything you want! Linda, too! I don't mind if the McCartneys even want to come to my house and yell at me in person! Even James can come and yell! Please. Really. The rest of the characters (except for Kirshner, who BTW was named after the producer of the 70's hit series, the Monkees), all belong to the people who made them up. Well, here goes! Enjoy! As always, I'd really appreciate your comments, even if you read this a million years after I wrote it. Susan
Lois and Clark flew back to Metropolis from Smallville via 'Superman Express'. Martha and Jonathan had offered to come with them for moral support, but they wanted to deal with telling their friends (or in Lois' case family) the whole story alone.
They took a leisurely flight back home. They were in no hurry. All they wanted to do was get in some time alone together. That also factored big in reasons they declined the Kents' offer of company. Lois and Clark had been missing each other for so long, so they just wanted to be able to enjoy each other's company.
Lois clung to her fiance tightly. After nearly losing him, she didn't want to let go, ever. And she had missed not being able to hold him, to say that she loved him, to let him know that she needed him every single day of her life.
"Clark, I love you," she said, for the millionth time that flight. She never got tired of saying it.
Clark never got tired of hearing it. And he replied, as he always did, "I love you too, Lois. More than anything." He kissed her gently to emphasize his point.
Lois smiled contentedly, but then a thought crossed her mind. There was something she had been meaning to say to Clark.
Clark noted her expression change. "What's the matter?"
"Well, I was thinking. I mean, I know we decided to wait until we are married, and I still want to abide by that decision, but does that mean we couldn't live together? I mean, it wouldn't be exactly the same way that most people nowadays who live together live together, but it would make me happy, and I just think that we've been separated enough, and I am just absolutely sick of things coming between us. I mean, it seems like the whole world is trying to keep us apart, and I don't want us to be apart any more, ever." She looked at Clark expectantly.
"Lois, honey, that would make me the happiest man alive."
Lois' smile shone like a star in the pre-dawn sky. "Honey? I like it! Got any more?"
"Lots. You'll hear 'em all eventually."
"So, we'll move into my place a little earlier than we planned?"
"Yeah, that would be best. Except, of course, we'd be taking a bit more furniture. I don't believe we were planning on keeping two beds in the house after we were married!"
Clark grinned. Lois yawned.
"It's getting pretty late, Lois. Or early, rather. You need to get to bed. Good thing that we're ... right ... here!" he said, as he landed on Lois balcony and carried her inside. Clark hesitated. He wasn't sure if she wanted him to stay or leave now. He was about to leave to be on the safe side, but Lois, sensing his intentions, caught his sleeve.
"Clark, don't go. Just ... be ... here ... " she mumbled, yawning again.
"Okay, baby," he said, and was treated to a drowsy smile.
"Hmmm ... like that one too," she murmered, as she got ready for bed.
She got into bed, and Clark walked over. He tucked her in, leaned over, and kissed her softly goodnight. "Sweet dreams, Lois."
"You too ... " her voice trailed off as she faded into sleep.
Clark smiled down at the sleeping form of the woman he loved. Then he left the room and found a comfortable patch of air in the living room. He stretched and lay down on nothing. In seconds, he was drifting into dreamland.
Lois and Clark were floating in a cloud of purple smoke. They both sensed that someone was there, but they could not see him. Or her. Or it. They looked around, but due to the thick smoke, still saw nothing except for a small black dot.
As they watched, the dot grew larger until they could see what it was. It was a small person. Rather, it was an imp! He was dressed in a blue suit that looked somehow familiar. Ahhh, yes! It was the suit that Paul McCartney had worn for "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts' Club Band." Whoever this guy was, he was a Beatles fan.
This imp seemed to need their help. He didn't say anything, but they sensed a need. Not urgent, but something that was important to him. And they also sensed that he could help them in return.
Lois stretched and opened her eyes. She looked at the clock. It was 2 in the afternoon! Well, she hadn't gotten to bed until 4 this morning, and she had been tired!
She went into the living room to find Clark and tell him about the strange dream that she had had. She smiled when she saw him floating, asleep. He was right behind the couch, so she climbed up on top of the couch and sat on him. The extra weight threw him off, and they both tumbled to the floor.
Clark woke up, and Lois was laughing hysterically. "I always wondered what would happen if I did that!" she exclaimed.
Clark was about to answer, but was interrupted by a puff of purple smoke. The imp from Lois' dream appeared! Lois looked at Clark, and saw that he recognized him, too. He must have had the same dream! Lois and Clark scrambled to their feet.
"Who are you?" asked Clark.
"I," the imp replied, "am Kirshner, of the 5th dimension. And I need your help. You see, although I can travel through dimensions, I cannot time travel for some reason. Most imps can, but I can't. This means that I can't change the past. So I have to send someone else back in time to do it for me. Most people refuse, either thinking I am crazy and not believing me, or just being afraid to do it. The other imps despise me for my inability, so would not do it as a favor. Being a 5th dimension creature, I have certain powers over 3D creatures. I could, for example, take a ghost and make him fully human again. Or Kryptonian, depending on the individual."
Lois and Clark gasped. "Are you saying that if we go back in time to do what you want us to do, you'll bring Clark back to normal?" Lois asked hopefully.
"Unfortunately, it's not that simple," Kirshner replied. "Imps are limited in that we must interact with 3D creatures in games. These games must have a risk included. So what I'm proposing is that I send you back in time, to December of 1993. You'll be stuck in a time loop if you don't complete your mission, where you remember everything, but the people around you don't. They will say and do the same things over and over, like a TV show that has ended and is now in reruns."
"What is this thing that you want us to do?" Lois asked.
"Well, I'm a huge Beatles fan. Paul, especially. In 1994, there is an assasination attempt, and he stops touring. [author's note: Yes, I'm making this all up, but hey, I'm trying to write a story here! Apologies to Paul fans if this bothers you.] I don't know the exact date because it was kept a secret, but it happens some time early in 1994. January or so. So what I want you to do is to stop the attempt. If you stop it and he keeps touring, I'll give Clark back the rest of his life. If you do not succeed, you will be stuck in a time loop. Is it a deal?"
"Won't it change our present, if we change the past?" Clark inquired.
"No. You see, I've fixed it all up so that you can only change Paul's assassination. Maybe one or two other things, if they are changes for the better and don't really affect you."
"All right," said Lois. "We'll do it."
"Excellent!" Kirshner clapped his hands together and a cloud of purple smoke enveloped Lois and Clark.
When it cleared, there had been a subtle change. They were still in Lois' apartment, but it was different. It was the way it had looked in 1993. Kirshner was gone.
Lois looked at the clock. "7 a.m. Time to go to work."
"Wait," Clark said. "We'd better check the date first. It might not be a work day."
"You're right," Lois said, and turned on the TV. She flipped it to "Good Morning, America" and found that it was December 30, a Monday.
"Well, then, I guess it's time for work! I'd better get some clothes from my apartment." Clark was off and back in seconds. "All right, let's go."
They got into Lois' silver Jeep Cherokee and drove off.
On the way, Lois said, "Tonight, let's move my stuff to your place. Who knows how long we'll be stuck in the past, so we might as well get comfortable here."
"All right. With Superman on the job, it'll only take a few hours to get everything in and arranged."
"Better than any moving company! But I guess that means we get to tell Perry I'm moving in with you today."
"He *may* be a little bit suprised. After all, I seem to remember that the Lois and Clark of 1993 didn't get on too well."
"Not as surprised as some of our co-workers would be! Let's not tell them. They don't need to know."
"All right, Lois. I don't really want anybody talking about us anyways."
They drove into the Daily Planet parking lot. They parked the car and went in. Perry spotted them and sauntered over. "How was your Christmas, kids?"
"It was great," said Lois. Cheif, I need to talk to you about something for a minute."
"Sure sweetie. What's on your mind?"
"Well, I'm moving tonight, and I need to change my address and phone number on some papers that you've got."
"Oh, alright. Come on into my office. Should only take a few minutes." They walked into Perry's office. He got a folder out of his filing cabinent, grabbed a pen, and asked, "Now, what are we changing your address and number to?"
"344 Clinton Street and 464-9559."
"344 -- Wait a minute! Isn't that Clark Kent's -- "
"Yes," she interrupted, and gave him a Look that warned him not to say anything else about it.
The Look did not go untinterpreted. "344 Clinton. Gotcha." He wrote the information down in the folder. "By the way, nice hair."
What? Oh. "Thanks."
"Need any help moving?"
"No thanks. Superman's helping. It should all get done tonight. Don't worry. I'll be here for work tomorrow."
"Okay, good." He paused for a moment, and then said, hoping that Lois would forgive him this, "Are you sure you know what you're doing? From what I've seen of you and Clark, you're not exactly the happy couple, if you know what I mean."
"Don't worry. Evrything's fine. In fact, everything's just wonderful." Then she left.
Lois walked over to Clark. "Well, the chief now knows I'm moving in with you. I think he's worried that I might be making a mistake. He just doesn't know you well enough yet."
"Bet he thinks we're awfully *fast* now," Clark said, pulling Lois against him.
"Let him think." Lois lifted her face and kissed Clark playfully on the lips twice.
Clark smiled. "Anybody see that?"
Lois glanced around the room. "I don't think so ... "
"Good." He kissed her more passionately. When they pulled apart, they realized that they now had an audience.
"*Everybody* saw that!" Lois exclaimed, looking at the stunned faces.
"Too bad!" Clark grinned.
She elbowed him in the stomach. "Save it for later, flyboy."
He pretended that the elbow to the stomach had hurt, although Lois knew it hadn't. "Oww!"
Lois rolled her eyes. "Faker! Come on. Let's get to work." So they did.
A little while later, Clark came over to Lois. "How are we going to get near Paul to stop the attempt on his life? We don't become celebrities until all of that clone stuff happens. And that's not for a couple of years. SO how do two normal people get near a superstar?"
"Two normal people probably can't."
"But ... " he prompted, waiting for her to continue.
"But we aren't just two normal people. We're two normal people PLUS one very famous person!"
"Oh, I get it. You think Superman could get us in to see Sir Paul."
"Well, he'd listen to Superman, and I'm willing to bet that if Superman tells him to listen to us, he will."
"Then let's find him so we can tell Superman where to go."
"Jimmy!" Lois and Clark called in unison.
Jimmy immediately appeared, looking a little confused. He apparently wasn't used to Lois and Clark saying things together. "You called?" he asked.
"Yeah, something really important"
"has come up and we need you"
"to find us the location of"
Jimmy just stared. Finally he said, "Did you guys practice that?"
"Just do it!" they shouted together.
Daunted, he stepped away to find the location of one Paul McCartney.
"This living in the past thing is getting pretty weird," Lois commented.
"I know. Somehow I don't think Jimmy's ever heard us finish each other's thoughts before."
"Ya think?" Lois smiled.
"He'll get used to it."
An hour later, Jimmy was back. He ran over to Clark. "CK, Paul's giving a concert tonight right here at the Deva Hall! 8 to 10:30 p.m. Why'd you want to find him?"
"It's a story Lois and I are working on."
"We have reason to believe there's going to be an attempt on his life, but we don't know when," Lois added, coming up behind Clark.
"And you guys are going to stop it?" Jimmy asked, skeptically.
"Well, we're going to try!" replied Clark.
Jimmy left, and Clark went back over to his desk to keep working. Lois did the same.
Just as Clark was opening up a saved file, Cat came up behind him.
"How's it going?" she purred into his ear.
Clark was startled for a second but then recovered. Cat. Cat Grant. Right. She was here in '93. Man! He had definitely *not* missed her! "Oh, fine," he answered vaguely.
"Well, if nothing big's happening, maybe you could come over to my place tonight ... " She leaned into him.
Clark ducked away. "Sorry, Cat," he said, not sounding sorry at all, "I've got plans for tonight."
"You sure? Think about it. Candlelight, wine. I've got a waterbed," she offered.
Clark looked at her, disgusted. "Yes, I'm sure. I've got something better to do."
"Another time, then," Cat replied, undaunted. She sauntered away.
"Off to look for her next victim," Clark muttered.
Finally, the work day was over. Lois and Clark got into the car and drove to what would now be *their* place, instead of just Clark's place. They went inside.
"Clark, do you think there'll be enough room here for all my stuff?"
"Hmmm. I don't know. I suppose so, but it may be a little close."
Lois grinned wickedly. "Close quarters with you? I guess I could handle that!"
"Good, now let's get this show on the road. Or rather, in the air. We've only got a few hours until it's time for Superman to go talk to Sir Paul."
Clark flew to Lois' apartment with her and picked up the first of her furniture, a tan couch. He took it back to his place while Lois remained to arrange her things to make the transfer easier.
In a short time, Lois' apartment was bare and Lois and Clark's place was crammed full of stuff. They flew to their place to put everything in order.
"I think the couch should go there, Clark."
He picked it up and put it where she was pointing.
"Wait, maybe it would look better here."
He moved it again.
"Or over there."
He raised his eyebrows and moved the couch once more.
"Sorry," she said. "I guess I'm just having trouble making up my mind."
"It's alright, Lois. Is here okay?"
"Yeah, it's fine there."
"Where are my fish?"
"Ummm, the dining room, I think."
"Let's keep them in here, okay?"
"Sure." He went and got the oddly shaped fish tank and put it in the living room.
Finally, everything was in order. Clark looked at the clock. It was only 8:30. They had over 2 hours to kill until Paul would be free and Superman could go talk with him.
"What do you want to do until 10:30?" he asked Lois.
"Remember what I said in the office?"
"Uh ... "
"About saving *that* for later?"
"Oh! Well, in that case, we have to get started right." He took her hand and walked out the door.
"Where are we going?"
"I can see that, but what--" she broke off as Clark lifted her into his arms, turned around, carried her back into the house, and set her down.
"There. Now it's *our* house."
Lois lifted her face up, kissed him hard on the lips, and wrapped her arms around his neck. He returned the kiss and drew her closer.
"Mmmm, Lois, I have a feeling it's going to be hard to keep our promise living together like this."
"It's okay. I trust you'll be good."
"Oh, great. What about *you*?"
"You're good enough for the both of us, so *I* get to be *bad*!" she exclaimed, going in for a deeper kiss.
"Okay, sounds like fun!" he replied, returning her passion.
Two pleasant hours later, Superman flew to the Deva Hall to find Paul McCartney. He found him in a trailer, resting after the concert. He knocked on the window.
The megastar jumped at the knock, looked out the window, and, spotting the man in the blue suit, motioned for him to come in.
Superman entered. "Mr. McCartney, I have something very important to discuss with you."
"Please, call me Paul. What is it, Superman?"
"I have reason to believe that there's going to be an attempt on your life sometime in the near future. I know that you don't usually hire bodyguards, but--"
"They are uneccesary. I don't need big men coming between me and the people who want to see me, and I value my personal space."
"Yes, I see your point, but I have two friends who would be a great help. Lois Lane and Clark Kent. They are smart, nice, and could keep you safe. If you'd just think about letting them watch out for you, I'd appreciate it."
"Well, do you think that I could meet them tomorrow? At about 5:00?"
"I'm sure they'd be able to do that. Where would you want them to meet you?"
"I'll be at my hotel room in the Regent Hotel, room 348."
"All right. They'll be there."
"Just as long as they're not some big burly people with no brains. When I was younger, I thought that that was just a stereotype, but now I know that most of them are really like that. Besides, I want to live like a normal person. And normal people don't have entourages. Plus, bodyguards just serve to separate me from my fans. I disapprove of stars who hide fromt their fans. It's not fair to the people who have gone to all the trouble to find them and try to get near them. I just feel that it is a star's duty to actually care about his fans. They shouldn't be secluded high-society snobs. Perhaps you know what I mean."
"Yes, I know exactly what you mean. Don't worry. Lois and Clark are not like that." WIth that, Superman left and flew back to his apartment and his fiancee.
Lois rushed up to Clark as soon as he flew in the window. "What did Paul say?"
"Well, it seems that we have an appointment with him at 5 tomorrow at his hotel."
"He thinks that we're applying for the position of bodyguards."
"Well, we are. Sort of."
"Yeah, but what about Perry?"
"We could just tell him what we're doing and kind of avoid why we're doing it. Or maybe we should just tell him the whole story."
"Think he'd buy it?"
"I hope so. Stranger things have happened." Lois yawned. "Boy, I'm beat!"
They got ready for bed. Lois smiled appreciatively, letting her eyes travel over Clark's handsome boxer-clad figure. Clark noted the direction of her gaze. "Oh, no, you don't! You have to help me be good!"
She pretended to consider it. "I don't know ... "
"Loissss ... "
"Okay, fine. I'll try to behave," she pouted.
"Good." He got into bed. "Sweet dreams, Lois."
"Hey! No goodnight kiss?"
He got out of bed and kissed her. "There. Goodnight, Lois."
"That wasn't good enough."
"Too bad." He walked back to his bed and dodged a flying book. "Hey, I'm trying to be good, too!" He got into bed and raised his arms to deflect another book. "Goodnight, Lois! Sweet dreams!"
"Goodnight, sleep well, see you in my dreams."
Clark was just falling asleep when the telephone rang. They were both woken by its shrill sound. Lois grabbed the phone. She answered it with a rather sleepy, "Go away."
Clark stared at her incredulously. He grabbed the phone from her hand. "Sorry about that. Hello?"
"Yes?" he asked. "Who is this?"
"Oh. Um, what do you want?"
"I wanted to know if you had changed your mind about my offer, but I see you've got company tonight already!" Then she hung up.
Clark turned to Lois. "What if that had been somebody important?"
"Who was it?"
"Cat, but that's not the point. You can't go around answering the phone like that!"
"What did she want?"
"What does she always want?"
"See? My method of answering the phone gets rid of unwanted callers quickly. She wouldn't dare come over now, either."
Clark sighed. "I give up." They both got back in their beds.
A few minutes later, Clark felt Lois' arms go around him. She had gotten into bed with him. "Lois, that is *not* being good."
"I said I'd try, didn't I? Well, I tried." Lois loved those loopholes. "I just couldn't sleep with you a mere 10 feet away." She nuzzled his neck, then kissed it softly.
He turned to face her. "I guess I can't resist forever, now can I?"
"Now you're being reasonable," she said as he wrapped his arms around her.
"But don't try anything funny, Lane."
"Never! I'm insulted! The thought didn't even cross my mind, Kent."
"Well, not more than a billion times, I assure you."
Clark laughed softly. "Goodnight, sweetheart."
Lois snuggled closer in response. A warm and fuzzy feeling settled down over them and they fell asleep, cuddled close together.
The next morning, at 6:30, Lois awoke with that warm fuzzy feeling still enveloping her. She was living her fantasy of waking up next to Clark. She looked over at his sleeping form. She decided she could let him sleep a little longer. After all, he could be ready for work in seconds!
But he woke ina few minutes. He looked down at her. "Good morning, beautiful."
Lois smiled up at him.
"I must be in heaven! Waking up next to the woman I love ... "
"It's not quite heaven. We have to go to work."
"Well, every silver lining has a touch of grey."
Lois laughed all of a sudden.
"What's so funny?"
"Look at us! We are in an impossible situation! You're dead, we're living in the past to save Paul McCartney's life so that an imp will save your life, we're living together, and yet we're determined to wait until we're married. This is ridiculous!"
"You know what?"
"You're right." Clark started laughing, too.
"If only my mother could see me now!" Lois exclaimed. "Come on, Clark," she said, patting his thigh. "Let's go to work and tell Perry what's going on."
They went to the Daily Planet building, after getting dressed and eating breakfast. As soon as they stepped out of the elevator, they noticed funny stares and whispers. They glanced at each other and said, "Cat." Obviously, she had told everyone about her phone call last night. Lois and Clark rolled their eyes and went to talk to Perry.
They walked into his office. He was on the phone. "I don't care what-- Well, change it, then!" He slammed the phone down. "Judas priest! Do I have to do everything around here?"
"Chief, we need to talk to you," Lois said.
"I'm listening." Perry sensed that there was trouble in Lois and Clark Land. "What's the problem?"
Lois and Clark launched into the Reader's Digest version of their story, omitting little details that would reveal Clark's secret identity.
When they were finished, Perry's jaw nearly touched the floor. "That is the most incredible story I have ever heard!" he exclaimed. "But somehow I believe it. Go ahead and do what you need to do with Paul. I'll give you both an extended leave. But when you come back, I'll expect a whole series of articles. 'On the Road With Paul'."
"Thanks, Perry," Lois said, as they turned and walked out of his office.
"You're welcome, sweetie. You two are really engaged in the future?"
"Hard to believe, huh? But this farmboy managed to win my heart, try as I might to keep him from doing it."
Lois and Clark walked out of the door, and Clark added, "And Chief? On November 12, 1995, check your jacket pocket before 5 o'clock."
"Just trust me."
Later that night, Lois and Clark were getting dressed for their interview with Paul.
"Now, we have to make a good impression on him so that he'll hire us. We have to show him that not only are we capable bodyguards, but that we're intelligent and interesting people."
"No, problem, Clark! We *are* intelligent and interesting people, and with your super strength and my martial arts, we could protect Paul from anybody. You worry too much. Now come on! Let's go!"
They drove to the Regent Hotel and walked up to the front desk.
"May I help you?" the receptionist asked.
"Could you point us to room 348, please?"
"Are you expected?"
"Yes. I'm Clark Kent, and this is Lois Lane."
"Fifth floor, first door on your left."
They went up the elevator and knocked on Paul's door.
"Who is it?" a woman's voice inquired.
"Lois Lane and Clark Kent."
"Ahh, yes, the bodyguards. Come in." She opened the door and smiled warmly at them. "I'm Linda McCartney. Paul said you'd be coming along today."
"It's a real pleasure to meet you, Linda. I'm Lois, and this is Clark."
She shook hands with each of the couple. "Paul should be here any minute-- oh, here he is now!"
Paul stepped into the room. He was an older man, but he had aged very gracefully. He had a bright twinkle in his eyes. It betrayed that he still had a large portion of his youthly taste for action and adventure. "You must be Lois and Clark. Hello, I'm Paul."
Lois and Clark smiled at his unassuming manner. Fame certainly sat well on Paul McCartney's shoulders. "Hello, Paul," they said.
"Well," said Paul, "why don't we have some tea and discuss this job you're looking for?"
"Sounds great," said Lois."
So they sat down and sipped cups of tea while they talked.
"You see, Paul, we know that there's an assassin on your tail. Or there will be. now, he won't kill you, but he will scare you so badly that you'll stop touring," Clark explained.
Paul laughed and raised an eyebrow. "And how do you know all of this?"
"You probably wouldn't believe us if we told you."
"Seriously, now," he said. "Please tell me. I'd like to be given at least a chance to believe it."
So Lois and Clark launched into the whole story. When they finished, Paul was deep in thought.
"It sounds so unbelieveable, but it rings true for some reason. So you think you can stop this assassin?"
"Well, I don't want to brag," said Lois, meaning she was going to be doing exactly that, "but Clark and I are a pretty lethal combination. You should see the list!"
"Yes, the list!" Clark exclaimed.
"The list!" they cried in unison.
Paul just looked confused. "What list?"
"The list titled 'Evil People We Have Put Behind Bars'," Lois explained.
"Oh." Paul folded his hands on his lap. "All right, then. Let's see what you can do."
Clark stood up and stood behind Lois' chair. He picked it up with her in it with one arm. With the other arm, he lifted a nearby armchair.
"Very impressive," said Paul.
Clark set the chairs down, and Lois got out. "Watch this," she said. "Oh, wait a minute. Do you have a gun?"
"I don't carry a gun. I have a squirt gun, if that'll work," Paul offered. He opened a desk drawer and took out a small blue squirt gun. He handed it to Lois.
"Good enough," she said, handing it to Clark. "You know what to do," she said, and turned away from him.
Clark crept up behind her and put the gun to her neck. "Don't move, or you're dead," he whispered.
In one fluid movement, Lois grabbed Clark's gun hand and flipped him over her head. When she stopped, the gun was in her hands, pointed at Clark's head. Clark was sprawled on the floor.
"That really hurt!" he offered. "Do we get the job?"
Lois smiled hopefully at Paul.
"How could I resist? Of course you're hired!"
Suddenly, everyone froze except for Lois and Clark. The clock stopped. There was no movement. Then, a puff of purple smoke and Kirshner appeared.
"I'm cured!" he cried. "They developed a cure for my inability to time travel! I don't need your help anymore!"
"But what about Clark's life?"
"Well, we can play a different game for that."
There was a puff of smoke. When it cleared, Lois and Clark were in an adult nightclub. [Writer's note: I changed the format here so that it was easier to type. Also a warning. This is that scene that I said I loved. My fav part is the striptease. Keep reading! It is really really funny. Trust me.]
K: Entertain this crowd. If they like you, you win. Bye, now!
Time unfroze. Lois and Clark walked onto the stage. CK: Hello, FoLCs (excuse me, folks <g>)
LL: We're Lois and Clark, and we're here to entertain you tonight!
Audience (A): (applause)
CK: Well, we just flew in from Smallville, and boy are my arms tired!
LL: What about my arms?
CK: What were you doing?
LL: Holding on! Well, anyways, we were in Hacksville ...
LL: That's what I said.
CK: Are you insulting Smallville?
LL: I would never insult your home town of Nowheresville.
CK: I thought you liked it!
LL: Yes, Hicksville. Where else can you see grass, trees, air, streets, and houses all in the same place?
CK: What about the corn festival?
LL: How could I forget that! Munching on cornburgers ...
CK: Well, regular burgers are full of fat!
LL: And corn flavored ice cream
CK: Healthier than chocolate!
LL: Corn milk.
CK: Well, it's in the spirit of the festivity!
LL: Little kids wearing corncob necklaces, dressed in yellow and green.
CK: Well, that's cute!
LL: Grannies buying corncob curlers for their hair ...
CK: I've heard they work very well.
LL: Kyle the Korn-man walking around looking like corn- on-the-cob.
CK: Kyle the Korn-man is a teen idol!
LL: Is that what happened to you?
CK: (pouting fakely) Hey! I thought you loved me!
LL: I do
A: Awwwwwww ...
CK: What about Superman?
LL: I'm sure he loves you, too.
CK: No, I mean what about you and Superman?
LL: It's all a vicious rumor!
CK: So if he came in here right now, you wouldn't go with him?
A scrawny guy (SG) in a Superman suit comes out
SG: Hi, Lois!
CK: Hey, that's not--
SG: Wanna go flying?
CK: But what about me?
SG: You can come next time! Bye!
The scrawny guy walks off the stage with Lois on his arm. A minute later, she runs back onstage.
LL: Well, that concludes the comedy portion of tonight's show. But this is an adult nightclub, so I suppose you want to see something adult.
A: (hoots and hollers)
LL: Well, I've got just the thing, but I have to change clothes to do it. Clark can entertain you for a minute.
CK: (loudly, panicking) Wait, what can I do?
LL: (calling over her should er as she walks offstage) I don't know, do a striptease!
CK: Um, okay. I need music! Guess I'll have to make my own. Da da daaa da do do (starts untying shoelaces) da daaaa (takes off shoe and throws it over his shoulder) da da daaa (does same thing with other shoe and both socks) da da dooo da (saunters across stage exaggeratedly swinging his hips and arms to the audience's laughter, a little smile on his face to show that, yes, he is having fun) do do doooo (pulls his jacket down his shoulder and wiggles his shoulder at the audience)
LL: Clark! What are you doing? (comes onstage in a familiar <g> turquios harem costume)
CK: Ummm ... a stiptease?
LL: (disgusted) I did tell you to do that, didn't I?
LL: Do you do everything I tell you?
CK: Do you really want me to answer that?
CK: (quietly, to Lois) What are you doing?
LL: (quietly, to Clark) Remember Miranda's Revenge?
CK: You're going to do that dance?
LL: To amuse the audience
CK: That's not right, though.
LL: So? It's a good idea!
CK: No it's not! I thought you hated that dance!
LL: I do. I was soo embarrassed that I had done it.
CK: Then don't do it now!
LL: I have to!
CK: you can't!
LL: I will!
The argument grew louder, and the audience grew restless. Suddenly, time stopped, and Kirshner appeared.
K: Let's play a different game, shall we?
LL: Like what?
Smoke poofed, and they were in a room with a Scrabble board. They played for hours.
LL: We just need 17 more points to win!
K: Hope you've got a good word.
LL: Umm ... (spells out 'chumpy' on the board)
K: That's not a word!
CK: Yes it is! Someone's a chump, therefore he is chumpy!
LL: (looking at Clark approvingly) It's a wonderful word!
K: I bet it's not in the dictionary!
LL: So? Not all words are in the dictionary!
K: It still isn't a word!
LL: Of course it's a word!!!
K: Umm, how about Monopoly?
Smoke poofed, and there was a Monopoly board sitting in front of them. Things were going fine until ...
K: (counting as he moves his piece) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
LL: All right! You're on Boardwalk, where we have a hotel! Fork it over, imp!
K: umm, 11.
CK: You can't do that!
LL: You're cheating!
CK: (glares at Kirshner)
K: (Clark's glare is making him nervous) Uhhhh, tennis, anyone?
But that turned out to be a bad idea, when Clark's first swing busted the racket and the ball. And the net. And the pavement behind the net.
The chess game was going well.
K: That's not checkmate!
LL: Yes it is, look!
K: Wow, in only 11 moves!
CK: What can I say? Kryptonian intellect.
There was an extra large puff of smoke. When it cleared, the trio was back in Lois' apartment. [Writer's note: I changed the format back to the way it was in the beginning.]
"Congratulations, you two! You win Clark's life back!" Kirshner said, and with that he was gone.
Lois looked at Clark. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Let's get married!" they said in unison.
Lois got on the phone with Perry and told him to bring Jimmy over. And yes, Alice (!) was welcome too. Meanwhile, Clark flew to Smallville and got his parents.
Clark took Lois' ring from around his neck and got his ring out from a drawer he had put it in during the whole clone amnesia thing. They exchanged the briefest of vows (administered by Perry and witnessed by Alice and the Kents) and they exchanged rings. Then they were in each other's arms, as husband and wife, finally!
They had a small party with Martha, Jonathan, the Whites, and Jimmy. Soon, though, the 5 guests left. They could tell that, much as Lois and Clark loved them all, they *really* wanted them to leave. <g>
After they had said their goodbyes and closed the door, Lois looked up into Clark's eyes.
"I guess this is it, isn't it?" he said.
"Are you ready?"
"I've been ready all my life for you."
"I have something to show you. Wait in the bedroom."
Clark walked into the bedroom. A minute later, Lois came in in a beautiful burgundy teddy. "Like it?" she asked playfully.
"Of course." He walked up close to her. "You look absolutely stunning." He stood completely still and breathed in her scent deeply as she unbuttoned his shirt and slipped it down his shoulders, slowly. As Clark lowered her to the bed, he whispered, "I love you, Lois."
"I love you too, Clark," she whispered back. And that was the last talking they did for quite a while.