Care for a drink, Mr. Bond?

By Jonesy []

Rated: PG

Submitted November 28, 1997

Summary: A crossover story between Lois and Clark and James Bond. Will James Bond compete with Clark for Lois's affections?

A Lois and Clark/007 crossover, Part 1

Legal stuff is just stuff that I'm too lazy to do.


The Players Lois: Teri Hatcher Clark/Superman: Dean Cain James Bond 007: Pierce Brosnan (although Sean Connery is the Author's favorite)

Time Wise: Lois and Clark aren't married or engaged yet. They're dating but have agreed to see other people. Two Months after Jimmy's Dad dropped in again. Lois does not know Clark's secret.


It was Tuesday. The Main Office of the Daily Planet had an air of buisness about it. None of them was prepared for who would step into their lives. Clark sipped his foreign coffee. Lois was typing. Jimmy was copying. The elevator sounded as a man in a deep blue suit walked in. Lois did a double take.

"Clark," she said whispering, "do I look all right?"

Clark looked at her. "You always look fine."

"Excuse me," the man said tapping Clark on the shoulder.

Clark looked up at him. "Yes?''

"Can you tell me where I can find Perry?"

Clark was suprised at the omission of Perry's last name. "Through that door," he said, motioning to Perry's office.

"Thanks ever so much."


He walked towards Lois's desk. "Excuse me Miss, I couldn't help but notice your beauty as soon as I entered the room."

Lois exhaled. Clark already hated him. The man offered his hand, and Lois placed hers in his. He kissed her hand never taking his eyes off her. Lois's heart skipped a beat.

"Is there anyway I can help you, Mr.-?"

"The name's Bond, James Bond, and you already have helped me a great deal. Tell me, do you like Chinese food?"

Perry's voice interrupted the conversation, "Great Shades of Elvis, Is that James Bond?!"

James patted Lois's hand and turned around, "It's been a long time Perry. I thought I'd see what you had gotten yourself into. I never thought you'd actually make Editor."

"Why James, if I didn't like you so much… "

Jimmy walked over, "Hello, Mr. Bond."

"Hello, Jimmy."

"How do you know my name?"

"I used to know your father."


Perry walked James into his office. Lois walked over to Clark, "So what do you think?" she said looking over where James had gone.

"He's a jerk."

"Why, Clark Kent, I do believe I see the Green Eyed Monster behind the Boy Scout insignia."

Clark sighed.


Lois sat in her nightgown watching an old film. She walked over to the kitchen and poured herself a cup of tea. Then there was a knock at the door. She set down her tea. She opened it slowly. It was Bond. He had Chinese take out in one hand, and a bottle of wine in the other.

"Mr. Bond I-"

"Please call me James."

"James … won't you come in?"

He walked over to the couch. "Interesting piece on the NIA, Ms. Lane," he said pouring the wine into the two glasses he had brought with him.


"Very sorry, Lois then. So do you report on government agencies on a regular basis?"

"Only if their agents are as handsome as you."

"It's a shame I'm in the exports buisness then."

"Tell me, James, what do you export?" she said moving close to him.

"Kisses" he whispered.


"Lois? Lois! You're two hours late for work."

Clark banged on the door. Finally.

"I'll be out in a minute." Then the door opened. It was Bond, that bastard.

"Won't you come in, Mr. Kent?"

Clark's teeth went on edge.

"Lois will be out in a minute," he said returning to the bedroom.

Clark looked around and saw unopened chinese food on the coffee table. He also saw an open bottle of wine. Smooth.

Ten minutes later Lois and Clark were on their way to the Planet. Clark had his foot pressed on the gas.

"What's the matter Clark? The office isn't going anywhere without us."

"Well, while you were with Bond this morning, we got a hot tip. It seems that an international crime group named S.P.E.C.T.R.E. has overthrown Intergang. We know that S.P.E.C.T.R.E. has been unheard of for 10 years, and before that were known for their crimes against humanity."

"That is big."

Lois and Clark arrived at the Daily Planet. Perry was waiting for them.

"Listen you two, one of my sources has confirmed that this new group has a leader that used to work for the U.S. Government and has been in Metropolis in the last six months. I have reason to believe that he or she may still be in the city. Get Cracking."


That night Clark sat staring at the ceiling. After a long day, they had come up with nothing. He looked at the clock--midnight. Then the sound of an alarm sounded in his ears. He went to that secret little compartment behind his closet and took out one of his suits. Seconds later he was out the window.

Superman arrived at "The Diamond Shack" two minutes later. He looked into the window and saw two people, both in black, putting the diamonds into sacs. He was about to enter when another figure in black appeared. With a slight sound the figure shot one of the thieves with a silenced gun. Then the figure slammed the other thief into the wall. Clark tuned his ears to listen.

"I don't know anything,007. I swear."

"It's not very polite to swear."

The voice was familiar, but Clark couldn't place it.

"I swear I'm only a petty thug."

"You'd better be telling me the truth, or I'm going to kill you … slowly."

Clark decided that was enough. He smashed through the door. "Stop!"

The figure turned around. It was Bond. Clark tried to regain his composure.

"I was wondering when you would get here."

Bond let the thief flee.

"So, Mr. Kent, what do we do now?"


To be Continued Part two: Lois and James: The New Adventures of 007.

Coming Soon.