By Paul-Gabriel Wiener <pgw@mit.edu>
Rated: G
Submitted November 20, 1997
Summary: Lois has a secret, Clark is busy, Metropolis is full of weirdness, and now they want to arrest Superman. What's up with this?
***
"Mail's here!" Clark looked up as his wife walked into their apartment. She was leafing through the day's mail. She opened up an envelope, with a curious look on her face. Looking at the envelope's contents, Lois' expression suddenly changed. Clark couldn't see it very well, though.
"Lois?" She looked up, and put on a poker face. Just then, Clark heard an urgent call for help. "Uh, I have to go. I'll be back soon." He spun into his work clothes (the ones for the *other* job) and flew out the window, leaving Lois with a relieved look on her face.
When Clark returned, Lois was waiting for him. "So, what was it this time? Care to talk about it?"
"Oh, nothing much- just a bomb. There wasn't enough time to defuse it, so I had to take it out. I carried it out to the bay before it exploded, but I was soaked. So, I flew out a mile or two, and then spun myself dry. On my way back, I stopped a couple muggings and a minor break-in. So, what was in that letter?"
"Oh, it wasn't anything, really. Just an invitation to a party. I threw it out." Clark had a strong feeling that there was something more to it than just an invitation. He knew, however, that if Lois didn't want to tell him, she wasn't going to. Since he didn't really feel like arguing with his wife just then, he decided to leave it at that. He would be there if she changed her mind, but he wasn't going to pry.
Over the next few days, Clark kept his eyes open for anything suspicious. They got some death threats, Lois was kidnapped, Dr. Klein came up with a way to cross over into the "phantom zone," Lois' father invented the "chia toupee," Jimmy accidentally hacked his way into the NATO central data base, and Lucy got amnesia. Clark thought about it. Nothing really strange had happened.
As Lois was driving them home, Clark heard a bank robbery in progress. He told Lois, and she turned onto a side street. A block later, when Lois turned onto another street (while simultaneously fixing her windblown hair), the passenger seat was empty.
The bank robbery didn't take much to stop. By the time the police got to the scene, the crooks were tied up, sitting helpless on the curb of the sidewalk. "I always like to bundle up my trash before it's picked up."
The cop smiled, and then suddenly turned serious. "Superman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to put you under arrest." Clark looked at him, surprised.
"On what charges?" He thought he saw a twinkle in the officer's eyes as the charges were read.
"Blatant violations of the laws of physics. Flying without any means of propulsion, generating x-rays from nothing, generating x-rays that are not harmful to living tissue, magnifying to a microscopic level with insufficient lenses, moving at relativistic speed without time dilation effects, using more energy than can possibly be absorbed from sunlight and background radiation, using excess energy to produce intense cold, processing more sensory information than a single brain (no matter how "super") could possibly handle, projecting a field of invulnerability…the list goes on. I'm going to have to take you down to the station, Superman." Clark stood there, dumbfounded. The policeman didn't seem to be insane, and (except for that momentary glint in his eye), he seemed perfectly serious. He looked at the other officers. Their faces displayed only grim professionalism.
He thought it over. He knew these were real policemen- he had worked with them before. The charges were ridiculous, but they seemed serious about it. He realized something was up, and that the only way to find out what was to go along with it. He put his hands out to be cuffed. The policemen read him his rights, and then put him in the back seat of a squad car. One of them reported in, telling the dispatcher that they had Superman and were on their way.
As they rode to the station house, Clark's mind raced. He considered every possibility he could think of- from mass hypnosis to alien pod people. When they reached the MPD Headquarters, he steeled himself for anything. He tried to scan the building, but he couldn't see in with any clarity. The inner walls had recently been coated with lead paint. He walked up the stairs to the front of the building, preceded by a pair of stone-faced policemen. Each one opened one of the double doors. He walked in, only to see that the lights were out. The cops who had brought him in walked in after him, closing the door behind him. Suddenly, the lights came up. The myriads of people thus revealed shouted "Surprise!" He blinked, and took a look around. The place was decorated for a party. On the wall was a huge banner that said "Happy Birthday, Superman!"
"What's going on? Obviously, this is a surprise party, but what makes you think this is my birthday?"
"To us, Superman, it IS your birthday. Five years ago, on this very day, you first appeared in Metropolis." Clark thought about this. While it was not Clark's birthday, in a way it WAS Superman's. "Over those five years, Superman," the cop continued, "you've saved too many lives for us to count. This is a small attempt to try to thank you for all you've done for us. We would have had a parade, but we only realized it was your birthday last week. We only had enough time to put this much together."
Clark stood, speechless. He was truly touched by what they had done. "You did all this for me…in a week? You've all got full-time jobs, and you still found the time to do this? It's amazing. You know, you didn't have to do anything for me. I just try to help out. It's only an accident of birth that I can do what I do. You are the true heroes here. You go out, day after day, to face danger without any powers. You put yourselves at risk to help others. You've dedicated your lives to it."
"That may be true, Superman, but our jobs are much easier and less dangerous because of you. You could have taken control of the world if you wanted to. Instead, you chose to use your powers to help people. That's what we're thanking you for."
"As the person whose life you've saved the most, I'd like to give you a special thank-you, Superman." Clark looked around, trying to find the source of the voice. It was, of course, Lois. She walked up to him. "Unfortunately, Clark couldn't make it. He had already made unchangeable plans to be out of town when the invitation came. He really wanted to be here for this. I think he should be there when I give you your birthday gift. Stop by our place sometime, after he gets back." Superman nodded, and the party began. They had an S-shield birthday cake with five candles in it. Clark laughed when he saw it. He blew out the candles, and everyone cheered. Then, he noticed it was an ice cream cake. He smiled mischievously.
"Should I cut the cake?"
"Of course!" Someone offered him a knife.
"No thanks, I've got it." He activated his heat vision, and carefully cut the cake. Then, he used his breath to re-freeze the parts that had started to melt. "I knew heat vision would be useful for something." Everyone laughed, and the cake was passed around. The party continued, and Superman made it a point to talk to every one of the guests. When it was over, he was the last to leave. When he got back home, Lois was waiting for him, wrapped in his cape.
"Happy birthday, Superman!" Clark grinned.
"Can I unwrap my birthday gift now, Ms. Lane?"
THE END
(arrosup.txt)