Summary: Assigned to investigate allegations of thievery on the set of "Dr. Seymour, Medicine Lady," Lois and Clark find it more interesting to probe each other.
Author's note: This little story was written on the night of the Family Film Awards. For those of you who don't know, L&C lost in every category to Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. I thought a little revenge was in order, and what better revenge than a fanfic? <eg> No offense to fans of Dr. Quinn, of course. Also, the characters are not mine, but the idea is. Comments are welcome!
Lois wiped the sweat off her forehead and blew her bangs out of her eyes. "I don't know how you talked me into this," she complained, gently swatting her husband's arm. "It might not matter to you, but to a mere human like me this heat is *unbearable*."
Clark patted her hand soothingly. "Come on, Lois. It can't be *that* bad. It's only about 84 degrees."
"It's not just the heat, Clark," Lois sighed as she scanned the crowd forming at the end of the lot. "This has got to be the most boring assignment in the history of journalism. I don't see why Perry had to stick us with this, or why *you* had to agree to it," she added, clearly emphasizing that he was at fault for this as much as Perry, if not more.
"Maybe he thought he was doing us a favor, you know, giving us something easy after that long Intergang investigation. Besides, I think it's a great idea."
Lois eyed him skeptically. "Please tell me you're joking. We're investigating thefts on the set of 'Dr. Seymour, Medicine Lady'. Shouldn't MTV News be handling this one?"
Clark laughed easily. "I know it's not as exciting as chasing after mobsters, evil scientists, or shady network presidents, but so what? You're overlooking all the benefits."
Fighting their way through the crowd, the couple finally made it to the security guards. After revealing their press credentials, they were escorted to some chairs on the edge of the set.
Lois shifted uncomfortably on the rickety folding chair. "You never did explain to me what the 'benefits' of this assignment were."
Clark gently placed his arm around her shoulders, and he made little circles on her neck with his fingers while he spoke, which caused Lois to smile in spite of herself. She always got goose bumps when he did that.
"Well," he whispered, as he pulled his chair closer to hers, "think about it. We're out of the office. We get to wear informal clothes. Very informal," he added, looking down at her short jean cut-offs and tight T-shirt.
"Perry wanted us to blend in with the crowd," Lois protested in her defense. "Besides, look at you."
Clark looked down at his shorts and black T-shirt. "Conceded. But as I was saying, we get to be more relaxed, hang around on this set with celebrities. I don't know, it's kind of fun."
Lois smiled. "Maybe it is sort of relaxing, but all the same, I wish these celebrities would stay in Hollywood. Honestly, they get waited on hand and foot and expect the whole world to jump just because a couple of their chairs got stolen. So some fans got over-excited. That's no reason to call the police and expect a full-scale investigation."
"You know these Hollywood types. I heard that 'Dr. Seymour' makes $75,000 an episode. You and I don't even make that together in a whole year."
Lois rolled her eyes. "Typical Hollywood excess. Although I used to fantasize about being an actress…"
Clark raised his eyebrows. This was something new. "You? I thought you hated actors."
Smiling, Lois snuggled even closer to her husband. "I know I've said that, but sometimes I shoot my mouth off without thinking."
"No! Really?" Clark pretended to be surprised, to the point of almost falling off his chair.
Lois giggled. "Now who's the actor? Anyway, when I was in first grade I was Cinderella in our class play. After that I didn't talk about anything else."
"What changed your mind?"
"Writing stories in second grade made me want to be a writer. That, and the fact that I forgot every single one of my lines in our second grade play. There were more people in the audience and I got scared. I was speechless."
"I bet that was the last time that happened." Clark barely managed to keep a straight face.
They continued bantering for the better part of the afternoon, ignoring their surroundings. Heated debates turned into heated kisses, while the crew looked, laughed, and whispered. Clark found that the fact that they were in public made their kissing even more enjoyable and exciting. Lois was finding out the same thing.
"Shouldn't we be looking, investigating, asking questions, something?" Lois asked absently, as they finally came up for air.
"About what? Oh, the thefts, right. Well, I don't see any thieves. Do you?"
"No, no thieves here. We'll have to tell Perry that this just didn't pan out. Let's go home."
"Yeah, home. Now."
Lois and Clark hurried to their feet and, mumbling excuses to the crew and security people, practically ran to the end of the lot. As Lois fumbled with the keys to the Jeep, Clark got That Look on his face.
"What is it? What do you hear?"
"Sounds like metal creaking."
Metal creaking it was. The CBS Network's large promotional billboard across the lot was collapsing. Apparently, in an effort to advertise 'Dr. Seymour', the network went with style over sense. The larger than life pictures of Dr. Seymour and her long-haired co-star came crashing down, splitting and going in several directions.
Clark spun into The Suit and headed for the billboard, but after his long afternoon with Lois, his reactions were slowed dramatically. He was too late to avert the disaster: Dr. Seymour's huge wooden picture fell right on the set, her doctor bag alone splitting one of the frail buildings in two.
Clark rushed down to the set. Luckily no one was hurt, but the set itself was ruined. Filming was postponed indefinitely.
After helping as best he could, Clark changed back into his regular clothes and headed out to the Jeep where Lois sat patiently waiting.
"I wish I could've prevented that," Clark said, as usual kicking himself for his limits.
"It wasn't your fault, Clark. Our 'entertainment' this afternoon must've slowed you up."
Clark smiled faintly. "Guess so. I just always feel so bad when I can't make it in time."
"It's not like anyone got hurt. Don't worry about it," she reassured him, patting his leg. "I never liked 'Dr. Seymour, Medicine Lady', anyway. There are *much* better shows on TV. Why don't we go home and put in a tape of our favorite show and see if I can't slow up your reflexes again?" She grinned at him mischievously.
Clark grinned back. "You're right, as usual. 'Dr. Seymour' was never my style. Our favorite show is much better. Romance, comedy, fantasy, action, adventure. Now, *that's* a show. And that guy on it is one talented actor."
"His co-star is an excellent actress, too, I think."
"Conceded again. And you were right about one other thing, too."
"What's that?" Lois wondered as she pulled out the Jeep.
"I have a feeling my reflexes are definitely going to get slowed up again today."
THE END :-)