A Purebred Superhero

By Paul-Gabriel Wiener (pgwfolc@netscape.net)

Summary: Martha and Jonathan Kent never expected to find a space pod in a field — and they certainly didn't expect what popped out of it. An amusing takeoff on the Superman legend.

We all know who is copyrighted by D.C. Comics, Inc. We also know that these cannot be legally produced. Therefore, this story can't be legally reproduced even with permission from the author. For personal use only. Oh, and watch L&C every Sunday night of your life.

Any comments (insert begging, pleading, etc. for some feedback here) should be sent to the author at pgwfolc@netscape.net. For those of you who have compuserve, the address is of course 102075,3027. In both cases, the last "." is the end-of-sentence period, not part of the address. Just mentioning it for those of you who are "mechanically declined" as the great Gary Larson once put it. (Carefully ducking out of the way of the digital tomatoes coming in…). By the way, don't worry…I take the actual writing very seriously. Except this time. This one is strange, stupid, and hopefully at least a little funny…

pgwfolc@netscape.net: Do not read this story unless you have a good sense of the ridiculous.

Enough suspense…here it is…


"No, honey, we can't do that. The house is too small. Anyway, we have all those animals outside."

Aggravated, Martha Kent pointedly looked out the other window. They were driving down the road that led back to their house. "You know that's not…" Her words suddenly stopped as a meteor streaked down from the sky. Not that it mattered…they had had the same conversation enough times so that each of them knew it by heart. "Did you see that?"

Jonathan Kent knew that it had to be a major event for her to stop in the middle of that particular sentence. A few years back, she had continued with the same sentence when a hurricane had hit. He looked out her window and saw something smoking in the field by the roadside. He pulled over, and they got out. When they got to it, they saw it was a strange metallic pod of some sort.

"Oh look, Jonathan…it's a strange metallic pod of some sort." As she spoke the words, the pod opened. Before the startled couple could look in, a golden streak came out of the pod. It landed in Martha's arms. "Oh, he's the cutest little puppy…can we keep him?"

Jonathan was tired of arguing with her about getting a dog. Now that she had one, he couldn't bear to take it from her. "OK, but you have to take care of him." As an afterthought, Martha took the blanket from the pod. Maybe she could use it to make a bed for him.

As the months passed, the little puppy grew on them (he got bigger, too…). They named him King. Another family might have come up with a more original name, but these were just farmers. The Kents had never had a dog before. Anyway, King is a much better name than, say, Butch…(no offense to anyone with a dog named King or Butch…choosing a dog name is hard. Anyway, King is the best I could come up with without knowing the dog. Choosing a dog name is even harder when you don't know the dog. Maybe as I write this, I'll get to know King better, but then it will be too late to give him a better name.)

Luckily for King, the Kents had put off taking him to the vet for a while. That short time was enough for them to realize they did not have an ordinary dog. They tried playing "fetch" with him, but he moved at such incredible speed that he would get the frisbee before it even got more than a foot out. It was even worse with a ball. At least he had to jump for the frisbee. They discovered other oddities about King, too. When they tried to brush his fur, the brush broke. They discovered he was invulnerable from the numerous accidents caused by his super-speed. King was only a few months old when he said his first word, "Mommy."

Martha was very startled when she heard that, to say the least. "Um, yes, King…er…Good boy…"

As King learned more and more, they began treating him more like a son than a dog. Since they obviously could not send him to school, they taught him themselves. They not only taught him English, but also math, science, farming, everything they knew. More importantly, they taught him morals. When the Kents realized that their dog had surpassed them in learning, they took books out of the library for him. They had to turn the pages for him, at first. Eventually, King came up with a way to do it himself. It was a complicated method involving both snout and paws, but it worked well enough.

King's learning eventually encompassed enough of the modern world for him to realize that his powers were needed. He had long known that he was no ordinary dog. Any dog who knows he is a dog is not an ordinary dog. With Martha's help, King created a suit. After all, he wanted to be recognized as more than a dog when he went out to rescue someone. People just wouldn't tell an ordinary dog some things (for instance, what that building on fire over there is, and how many people are trapped inside…). They made red booties for his paws, a little doggie coat, a cape, and even a little bootie of sorts for his tail. They used the blanket from his bed to make the costume.

King quickly became recognized in his alter-ego. He was dubbed "Superpooch" by the local media. When he learned to fly, King began to take trips to the city. He found that he could do a lot more in a city than in Smallville and the surrounding area.

The Kents were proud of their dog. When someone came to visit and it was noticed that King was missing, they said he was just walking around the farm. It quickly became known around the town that King liked to wander off a lot.

One day, King approached his "parents." "Mom, Dad, I want to move to the city. Not only could I make better use of my powers there, but I'm sorry to say I get bored here. As a human, there's so much more I'd be able to do, but a dog's life is not enough for me. At least in the city, I would have more to do. I know you mean well, and I love you very much, but we have to be realistic here. I will come visit every week…and if you get me one of those phones with the extra large buttons, I'll call you, too."

"But, King, where would you live? How would you support yourself? You still have to eat. Even if you did find a place to live, most places in the city don't have doggie doors like we do…"

"I've been thinking about that, Mom. I've come to the conclusion that I'll have to give up my secret identity. It's not like I have to worry about a girlfriend or something. I'll make sure that I don't get traced back to you. I'll just call myself Superpooch there. King will only be found with the Kents."

After some discussion, the Kents agreed. "Oh, Jonathan. Our little dog has grown up…" <sob>

{Pending positive feedback, and some inspiration, stay tuned for the further adventures of Superpooch. For now, though…}