He's Just Not Clark

by Allison Spielzinger 75313,2730@compuserve.com

Summary: A phone conversation with her sister, Lucy, helps Lois choose between Dan Scardino and Clark.

This story is for those FoLCs who wanted to actually SEE Lois get rid of Scardino.

I know that a lot of FOLCs would have liked to see Lois get rid of Scardino (finally), and we were cheated of it. This is how I would have liked to see it. It conflicts with what actually happened in the show a little (oh well). Comments are welcome.


She had known before she called that it wouldn't be easy to explain her relationship with Dan Scardino to Lucy, but she really needed some advice.

"Lois, explain this to me one more time. I don't get it, what's the problem here?"

Lois sighed. She had to make her sister understand her problem, so she tried to be patient. "I met him while Clark and I were working on a story. We went out a couple of times. He's a really nice guy…"

"I *know* that part, Lois. What does he look like?"

"Well, he's cute enough, I guess. He has nice hair, nice eyes, I don't know." She was growing impatient. Who cares what he looks like?? "Lucy, you're missing the point!"

"Listen Lois, this `Dan' guy sounds great. He brings you flowers…" Not to mention ugly… whatever that thing was, thought Lois.

"…he's cute, he obviously cares about you a lot."

"I know, I know. But it's really Clark that I'm interested in."

"What's wrong with Dan?"

"Nothing! I don't know! But I'm only interested in Clark."

"Yeah, right. What about Superman?"

"What ABOUT Superman? Nothing's ever going to happen with him. I don't even know his NAME, for crying out loud. After all, he wasn't born with the name Superman. I'd rather go out with someone real anyway— Clark."

"Then go out with Clark, you idiot." Lucy didn't understand. Lois had two great guys who wanted to go out with her. Where, exactly, was the problem?

"I can't. He OBVIOUSLY can't commit. That's my main problem. He's always disappearing when I have something important to say. No matter how many times I tell him not to leave, he still does."

"You're not helping him commit any by seeing another guy."

That simple statement stunned Lois. She'd never thought of it that way. Lucy had a very good point. "I would never have gone out with Dan if Clark wasn't always running away," she finally managed to choke out.

"Well it's not helping him now. Maybe there's more to Clark disappearing than an inability to commit. Maybe he's… in trouble with the law."


"Lois, lighten up. I'm just saying that you should ask him about it instead of just telling him not to leave. You might be surprised by what he says."

Her mind was racing. What could there possibly be about Clark that she didn't know? "I don't think that will work. I don't think I'll ever get through to him," she sighed.

"Then you go out with Dan, and *I'll* go out with Clark."

"Lucy, you better not even go *near* Clark!"

"Calm down, I'm just kidding."


"I'm just kidding! I wouldn't DREAM of it."

"Lucy… Clark means a lot to me."

Lucy thought the solution was obvious. "Then get rid of Scardino."

"But what about Clark running off on me?"

"I don't know, Lois." Now it was Lucy's turn to be impatient. Lois should pick one of them already! "What do you want me to tell you? Meet some new men." And she hung up.

Lois hung up feeling depressed.

What's wrong with me? she thought. Dan really IS a great guy. I should forget about Clark. Dan's funny, he's nice, he's cute, he cares about me a lot, and he doesn't run off all the time, but I'm just not attracted to him. Maybe he reminds me of someone I don't like—Lex Luthor comes to mind—maybe that's why I can't be attracted to him. She pictured him in her mind. His eyes are nice… his hair is nice… What is it then? All of a sudden, it dawned on her. They're not Clark's eyes…it's not Clark's hair…

She called Lucy again. "Hi Luce, it's me again. I think I know why I don't like Dan. I think I know what the problem is."

"Lois, give it up. You want to go out with a guy who can't commit instead of a guy who obviously is crazy about you who CAN commit." Lucy wanted Lois to say she was going to go out with Dan. Lucy really liked Clark, and if Lois said that, it could mean that she wouldn't care as much about Lucy seeing Clark as she said she did.

"But Lucy, he's just not Clark. That's what it is. Even though he's a nice guy, he's just not Clark. And I, Lois Lane, am in love with Clark Kent!"

Of course you are, thought Lucy. There goes my chance with him. As much as she was attracted to her sister's handsome not- quite-boyfriend, she would never try to steal him from her.

"Yeah, well, that's great. But it doesn't solve your problem."

"At least now that I know, without a doubt, I can break it off with Scardino and concentrate on Clark."

Lucy smiled on her end. She had said that ten minutes ago. "And what about Clark running off?"

"I got some good advice recently… instead of demanding that he stay, I'll ask him why he leaves."

Lucy smiled again. "Okay, Lois, you do that. Break up with Dan, and ask Clark for an answer. In fact, do it right now. And if you go out with Clark, could you possibly set me up with Dan?"

"Maybe." Lois laughed and hung up the phone.


Lois paced around her apartment nervously. Dan was coming over, and she had to tell him that she wasn't interested in him. She looked out her open door, but he wasn't there yet. The phone rang.

She ran into her bedroom and picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hi Lois. It's me."

Her heart jumped. "Clark, hi!" Ask him why he runs off, ask him, ask him. She couldn't, not yet. She had to break it off with Scardino first.

"I have something to tell you." The words stuck in her throat. I'm in love with you and I'm breaking up with Dan. She couldn't say it.


"I, um, it's just that…"

Scardino walked in the door. Perfect timing, as usual. He didn't see Lois. "Lois, I'm here!" he called loudly. "You shouldn't leave your door open, you never know who might walk in."

Clark was upset and angry now. He heard Scardino in Lois' apartment. Had she called to tell him that she was going out with another guy?

"Look, Lois, I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow at work."


It was too late, he'd already hung up. She looked over at Dan through her bedroom door. You are wrecking my relationship with Clark, you jerk. What did I ever see in you?

He still didn't see her. "Lois?"

She walked out of her room. "Hi, Dan. We have to talk."

"Okay, but first…" He took his hand from behind his back and handed her what he'd been holding. "Do you like it?"

Lois looked at the thing in his hand. What in the world was it?? It looked like a big plastic dish with metal things sticking out of it in every direction. "It's, um, different." She tossed it onto the table and sat down on the couch. She started to talk, but he interrupted her.

"I have two tickets to…"

She wasn't even listening; she was too busy thinking about Clark. I hope he doesn't think I'm going out with Dan. This guy has such a knack for showing up at the wrong time, it's uncanny. She glanced up at Dan and wished it were Clark sitting across from her. Uh oh, he expected her to say something.

"Lois? So what do you think?"

A thousand things to say went through her mind. We can't see each other anymore. I can't go anywhere with you because I'm not interested in you, and I'm in love with Clark. Clark is the only person I want to go out with. I'm not interested in rocky road, I prefer chocolate. She realized he was waiting for her to reply.

"I love chocolate and we can't see rocky road because I'm not interested in going anywhere."


She took a deep breath. Calm down, Lois, it's only Dan you're talking to. "Look, Dan. You're a really nice guy, and I like you a lot…"

He grinned. "I like you too, Lois."

What's this idiot grinning at? "…but I can't go out with you because…"

His grin was starting to fade as he interrupted her again. "If Saturday's not good for you, we can do it another day." He hoped that was what she meant; he didn't like where this was going.

"No, Saturday's not a good day, would you shut up and let me finish!" she yelled at him. That did it, the grin was gone. "I'm sorry. I meant, I can't go out with you anymore, ever."

"Why not?"

"The truth is, I'm just not interested in you." Way to let him down easy, Lois, she thought. Well, she did tend to just blurt things out without thinking.

"No, that's not the truth. It's that Clark guy, isn't it."

"Yes, it is the truth! Well, not the whole truth… If you must know, I'm in love with Clark."

Scardino's head was spinning. She was breaking up with him. Why? He'd been his usual charming self. He brought her flowers and various other interesting things. But what was this? She's in love with Clark?

"What? You're in love with CLARK? That loser?"

Just who did he think he was, calling Clark a loser? "How dare you call him a loser! He is the nicest, sweetest guy I have ever met. You…you…couldn't lick the dirt off his shoes!"

Scardino muttered to himself, "I'm twice the man he is." He'd spoken too loudly.

Lois said to herself, "You haven't seen him with his shirt off." She'd also spoken too loudly.


"I was just commenting on how Clark has the nicest physique since… Superman."

This wasn't how Lois wanted this to go at all. "Dan, I didn't want it to happen this way."

"Me neither, Lois."

"I'm sorry. I really am in love with Clark."

Scardino sighed. "Well, I wish you both the best. Maybe I'll see you around."

Lois smiled. "Okay."


The next day, Clark was at the Planet early. He was already working when Lois walked in. He tried not to look at her, but he didn't have to look at her to know she was there; he felt her walk in. He tried to pretend he didn't notice her, but he couldn't help glancing over in her direction, and he couldn't stop himself from thinking about her going out with Scardino. What did she see in him, anyway? He realized she was walking over to his desk.

Lois took a deep breath. I hope he's not mad, she thought.

"Hi Clark."


"So… what are you doing?"


He obviously did not want to talk to her. "I mean, what are you working on?"

"Lois, I'm really busy right now, so why don't you go call Scardino or something?" He saw the look on her face and thought that maybe he'd spoken too harshly. No, he decided, she deserved it. Why was she leading him on like this? He didn't soften the angry expression on his face.

Ouch. "Clark, I broke up with Dan last night."

"What?" His expression turned from angry to surprised.

"I told him that I don't want to see him anymore."

"You did?"



"Because I don't want to see him anymore."

"You don't? But I thought…I mean…" He was stumbling over his words in surprise.

She realized that she had better say what she came to say before she lost her nerve. "Listen, Kent, I don't care what you thought. The truth is… I love you."

Clark thought he had to be dreaming. This was so unexpected, and so wonderful! Lois, at his desk, telling him she loves him! He realized he had to answer. His expression turned from surprised into delighted.

"I love you too, Lois."

They gazed at each other adoringly, and then Clark realized that he had to be completely truthful with her before their relationship could progress.

Apparently, so did Lois, because she said, "But Clark, before our relationship… before we… I mean… You have to tell me why you always run away from me. Is there something you haven't told me?" She could tell by his face that there was.

She's making this easy for me, he thought. "I was just going to ask you, could we have dinner together tonight at my apartment? It's very important… it's about why I disappear so often."

This was going better than Lois expected. Clark was finally going to explain himself to her! "Sure. Um, what time?"



Perry came out of his office and saw the couple. He smiled. Normally, he would have shouted to get back to work, but this was an exception. "Jimmy! Get over here!"

"What's wrong, Chief?"

"I want you to remember this moment, son. They are destined to become the most famous couple since Elvis and Priscilla!" He gestured to Lois and Clark who were still gazing at each other. "But even Elvis had to go to work," he said to Jimmy before shouting to the newsroom, "All right people, what is this, a newspaper or a circus? Back to work!"

Lois and Clark realized that Perry, Jimmy, and almost the whole newsroom were staring at them, so Lois went back to her desk.

And at 7:15 that night, she got the biggest shock of her life.